Ask Max Monday: Diet is a 4 letter word…

August 8, 2011 |

The VET says we is too fat! And the hooman is putting us on a diet! Oh noes! What can we do to stop this injustice?!

Howl. A lot. When you get your diet food, stare at it in disgust, and then start howling. When the People are eating, jump up on the table and take their food. Lick them when they’re sitting there watching TV. And howl. It shouldn’t take long for them to get the idea that you’re not having any of this diet krap—I mean, sheesh, the first three letter spell die—and that things better get back to normal, and fast.

Why does my cat meow a lot before he goes to use his box? He seems fine and it’s not a painful, fussy meow.

Well, it stinks.

Really.

The litterbox stinks, and he can smell it better than you can, and he doesn’t want to use it while it stinks, but he doesn’t have much choice.
Even if you scoop it out every day, odors start to permeate the plastic after a while. If it’s been more than a year since you got him a new one, now’s the time. Boxes should be replaced at least that often. I get a new one every 8-9 months. It would be longer, but I have to share it with Buddah, and man…he can kill anything with his poop.

Kirk or Picard?

Picard, for sure. He just seemed smarter. I liked Sisko, too. But not that Voyager chick. Something about her just bugged me.

Hey Max! My person hasn’t ever had a manly man cat before, and she wanted to ask you how long after you got your man berries snipped that you stopped being so aggressive?

Let’s see. I got snipped at 6 months. I’m 10 now. I’ll let you know when it happens…

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Category: 0 - Featured, Ask Max Monday

About the Author ()

Max the Psycho Kitty is 14 pounds of sleek black and white glory. With an attitude ... and opinions ... on everything. He's a put-upon and under-appreciated domestic feline with an addiction to Kitty Crack and an appetite for Stinky Goodness. A pioneer in the Cat Blogosphere, he began his popular blog "The Psychokitty Speaks Out" in October of 2003 Max is the author of three books, "The PsychoKitty Speaks Out: Diary of a Mad Housecat," its sequel "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Something of Yours Will Meet a Toothy Death," and "The Rules: A Guide For People Owned By Cats."

Comments (6)

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  1. We learned to eat diet food or starve. However we all gained weight on diet food. Dr. H. is sure Mom and Dad are cheating and giving us extra, but they are not!

  2. skeezix says:

    Picard. Definitly.

  3. Maobert says:

    Max, you furgot to say, “Pee on thare foods.”

  4. WE has to eat Science Diet foods when Pumpkin an’ Puffy were alive ‘cuz they were diabetics, but now we’re back to delicious Eukanuba!
    DMM

  5. MAX I HAVE A QWESCHUN THARE IS A REELY SNARKY LOWD CAT IN THIS HOWSE NAME MAO AND EVEN THO I TRY TO PLAY WITH HIM AND I GIVE HIM LIKS I THINK HE IS JELLUS OF MY FURCHIN AND MY WAY WITH THE LAYDEEZ CUZ HE WILL NOT STOP HISSIN AND SNARKING AT ME THIS HAS GONE ON FOR SIX YEERS SO I DON’T THINK HE’S GONNA CHANGE CAN HE COME LIVE WITH YOO?

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