WARNING: Language in this post is not family-friendly or suitable for young kittens.
Moneyball/Parks and Rec actor Chris Pratt is a cat hater. In June, he posted the following on his blog [LINK]:
NOT TO BE WEIRD. BUT WHAT’S THE FASTEST MOST PAINLESS WAY TO KILL THIS CAT?
This is Bella. AKA “Whitey” She is literally the cat from Stuart Little. I know a lot of people misuse the word “literally” and its annoying. I am not doing that. This cat is one of the many cats used for principal photography in the motion picture Stuart Little. She played Snowball. I don’t know exactly which scenes she’s in, probably any scenes that include Snowball being a bratty bitch who poops and pees where she pleases. Well. I’m sorry Snowball, AKA Bella AKA Whitey AKA pain in my ass AKA ruiner of my leather office chair, but this is not Hollywood. Well, it is. (We happen to live in Hollywood.) But its not the figurative Hollywood where ex actor cats can get away with urinating on my stuff.
Okay. So. Question is. What’s the best way to kill it? I’m thinking plate of caviar, tuna tar tar, smoked salmon. Let her gently nibble from the veritable feast, until she is full, then cut her head off with a machete. My wife is not so cool with this idea for some reason. And I can’t shoot my gun in city limits and I’m not driving her anywhere for fear she may piss inside my sweet sweet FJ Cruiser.
OK. Do you hate this guy, yet?
The post provides the backstory to this week’s brouhaha in which Pratt dumped this senior cat via Twitter:
Anyone in the LA area want a cat? Full disclosure, she’s old and prone to accidents. So sweet though.”
Cat lovers were justifiably upset that a poor senior cat would be disposed of via a 140-character message on the web, and bombarded the unapologetic cat hater’s blog with disparaging comments.
Pratt responded on his blog (in a post that has since been deleted) to his critics:
To those of you somehow hung up on the notion that I kicked the walker out from underneath our cat and threw her into the streets, first of all, cats don’t use walkers, so that’s a ridiculous notion. Secondly… I found my aging cat a god damn loving home! Ease up with the death threats for heaven’s sake!
Bottom line, and not that this is any of your f–ing business weirdos, but my wife and I want to start a family and we ABSOLUTELY CANNOT have an animal that sh*ts all over the house. Sorry. If you are a parent you will understand. And if not, that probably explains why you have such a hard on for cats. Just sayin’.
So please! Stop with the harassing tweets! That sh*t affects me. I’m human. I don’t like being told that I should be “put on an ice floe when I get old and incontinent. ‘Sh-tbird’ or being called a ‘douche.’
Bottom line is, poor Bella is much better off in a home where her master is not plotting her murder. Pratt should take a break from the superficiality of Hollywood and enroll in a Learning Annex course in Compassion so that he can raise his spawn to respect all animals and people, even those in their golden years.
You’re a self-absorbed ass, Mr Pratt. And karma’s a bitch.
I hope that when that day comes that you are kicked to the curb, you reflect for a moment on how you might have treated Bella just a little bit better.