Ask Max Monday: Where’s the freaking donuts?!?

October 31, 2011 |

Max, every day I hear the man say “Time to make the donuts,” and I follow him into the kitchen but he never makes any. He just makes coffee which is disgusting and then he goes out to hunt. Where are the donuts???

Cat and donut doughnuts

I dunno, dood. Today I smelled donuts in the vicinity of the Woman’s office, so I went in there to see if I could have a bite, but she wasn’t eating any. I waited for like 20 minutes and never saw a donut, but I could sure as heck smell it. So I don’t know what’s going on. I do know the Woman is too lazy to make the donuts…she goes out and buys them.

Maybe that’s it. Your man goes out to make them, and she buys them, and then neither of us ever gets a bite. Sheesh.

Help! There’s an old lady who is bisiting and she sez I’m so cute she could just eat me up! What do I do?

Well…old ladies are like that. She probably doesn’t really mean it, but to be on the safe side I think you should find several good hiding places to hang out in while she’s there. If your people have a really big bed, I suggest crawling under it and squishing yourself up against a wall when arms can’t get to you. And if you can get into the back of a closet, that’s a god place to hide, too, though there’s a greater chance that a person will be able to get to you.

If hiding isn’t an option…dood, you’ll have to poop on her. That’s a win-win right there: you get to poop on a people, and it will gross her out so much she’ll never go near you again.

This will upset your people, but, oh well.

Max, I accidentally ate some dog food. Am I gonna die?

Nah. But it might take 3-4 weeks cats with toothbrushbefore you get that awful taste out of your mouth. You might want to speed the process along by gnawing on someone’s toothbrush after they go to bed. That’s a prime time to use one, because it should still be wet and minty fresh from the people’s use. Just don’t let the people know you’re borrowing it, because for some reason that upsets them. I’m not really sure why…

Tags: , , ,

Category: 0 - Featured, Ask Max Monday

About the Author ()

Max the Psycho Kitty is 14 pounds of sleek black and white glory. With an attitude ... and opinions ... on everything. He's a put-upon and under-appreciated domestic feline with an addiction to Kitty Crack and an appetite for Stinky Goodness. A pioneer in the Cat Blogosphere, he began his popular blog "The Psychokitty Speaks Out" in October of 2003 Max is the author of four blockbuster hit books, "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Diary of a Mad Housecat,", its sequel "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Something of Yours Will Meet a Toothy Death,", "The Rules: A Guide For People Owned By Cats " and the most recent: Bite Me.

Comments (2)

Trackback URL | Comments RSS Feed

  1. Mouse and Tiger says:

    Just waltz up to the ol lady when she is bisiting and rub against her face and let a stink bomb go that is the purrfect way to convince her that you can not be eaten.

Click for FREE SAMPLE!

Join Cat Scouts – It’s Free!

Interviews with Blogging Cats

Aspen with Sisfurs Willow, Mango and Tigger

Aspen with Sisfurs Willow, Mango and Tigger

When we first met today’s interview subjects, they were just joining Cat Scouts and looking for a fun furry niche to call home. Their human didn’t have a PC or a laptop, just a phone. We would like to put our paws together to acknowledge her determination in attaining a goal because Aspen and her […]

[ 9 ] July 31, 2015 |
Sweet and Spicy Peaches and Paprika

Sweet and Spicy Peaches and Paprika

Most of you are undoubtedly familiar with the popular human treat peaches and cream. Now meet the purrfect combination of sweet and spicy sisters from the blog Peaches and Paprika. Funny Farmer Felines: Please introduce yourselves and Carol. Peaches: Good morning, my name is Peaches. I am a tiger Calico, and I am 5 years […]

[ 6 ] July 17, 2015 |
Attention All Kitties

Attention All Kitties

Attention!  Attention!  Calling all kitties! Are you a cat with a blog?  What about a Cat Scout?  (You Cat Scouts can earn a badge for an interview.) Or are you a cat with your own social media account(s)? You’re in luck.  We are looking for some chatty catties … er, cats, who would like to […]

[ 2 ] July 10, 2015 |
Cat Scout Cat and Future Scout Nugget

Cat Scout Cat and Future Scout Nugget

We love stories with a happy ending and a new beginning. Pull up a cushion for the story of Cat Scout Cat and Nugget, two cats who found a new beginning. Funny Farmer Felines: Please introduce yourselves and your human. Cat: Hi, I’m Cat and I’m about 6 years old. When I was about 1 […]

[ 4 ] July 3, 2015 |

Member, Cat Writers Association

$10 OFF CritterZone!

Recent Posts

Ask Max Monday: The Sound of Silence

Ask Max Monday: The Sound of Silence

  Have a question for me? You can leave it in the comments, or email me at askmaxmonday@gmail.com.

[ 7 ] July 27, 2015 |
Last Day to Enter Tidy Cats Lightweight Litter GIVEAWAY! #spon

Last Day to Enter Tidy Cats Lightweight Litter GIVEAWAY! #spon

Today’s the last day to enter for a chance to win a jug of Tidy Cats new Lightweight clumping cat litter with Glade. To help give you first-hand experience with this revolutionary new product, we’re giving away a jug of Tidy Cats Lightweight formula to TEN lucky readers so that you can try it for yourself. Find […]

[ 1 ] July 24, 2015 |
8 Cat Planters Worth Growing a Green Thumb For

8 Cat Planters Worth Growing a Green Thumb For

Even if you’re cursed with a black thumb, you’ll lust after these cute cat planters. Some handcrafted, some kitsy-vintage, they’re all purrfect vessels in which to cultivate your catnip crops. Plants pictured are not included, so you can pick your own greenery to kill. First up: the “Nerd Cat Planter” is handpainted by an Dona […]

[ 0 ] July 24, 2015 |
Tidy Cats LightWeight Clumping Litter GIVEAWAY #spon

Tidy Cats LightWeight Clumping Litter GIVEAWAY #spon

I spent three months of the last year on crutches after two knee surgeries. I suck at crutches. Those experiences demonstrated to me the challenges faced by those who are mobility-challenged. I came to appreciate ADA-mandated ramps and bathroom stalls, and marveled at random acts of kindness by total strangers. One of the crutch-challenges was […]

[ 28 ] July 21, 2015 |
Ask Max Monday: She Screams, You Scream, It’s Family Fun

Ask Max Monday: She Screams, You Scream, It’s Family Fun

Deer Max – one of mine favorite things to do is to walkout on the teeny tiny bit if floor on the “wrong” side of the balcony. It’s fun but how can I get mommy to clap for me instead of yelling at me to “get down or you’re going to break your neck”. It’s […]

[ 1 ] July 20, 2015 |

Pets Teach Us So Much — Radio Show!

Listen to internet radio with TPPCTV on Blog Talk Radio
Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox

Join other followers