Max, My name is Bridget. I’m a beautiful, elegant she-cat. My mom wrote in to you because I don’t like the man. She says he’s my dad, but I say no. She’s MY person! I was here first. How do I get rid of him?
Well, actually…you might wanna keep him. Even though I attached to my woman, I’ve learned that having the Man around can be handy. Like, when she’s not feeling good and needs to sleep in, he’s like having spare opposable thumbs around. He can open cans of stinky goodness for us and he can scoop the litterbox, and let me tell you, the Man LOVES to play chase the feather and he makes the red dot go nuts.
At first, men are kinda hard to figure out because they’re really loud and they think farts are funny (ok, well, farts ARE funny, but maybe not to wimmens…) But over time I bet you decide he’s worth keeping around. He just needs to be soft with you, and not loud. And crunchy treats…he needs to bribe you with crunchy treats. But you gotta give it time to get used to him. Someday you’ll be glad you did.
My mAma cat and her two female daughters are going at it all the time. Nothing new added to their lives either. Will a distemperment shot work for 5 & 6 yearolds? Help!
Shooting is never the answer. It gets messy and then someone has to clean up…it’s just a bad idea.
But, if this is new behavior, something has probably changed that you might not be able to see…so it might be a good idea to take them to the stabby place for a checkup. Cats are sensitive and can see and feel things people can’t, so there might be something going on with one of them that the other two are reacting to.
If the stabby guy says they’re all fine, you might want to try using something like Feliway to calm them. And make sure they get played with A LOT. They might have a lot of pent up energy and have no other outlet.
If you still feeling like shooting them…well…hmm…maybe get a water gun cause that’s an easy cleanup. They’ll poop on your pillow afterward, though.
Max, my name is Helen and my person has been reading your books for the past two days; her laughter is getting annoying. She’s even going on about how much we look alike. Anyway she thinks you are awesome and now that I see you, so do I. Luv Helen
You look like me? I LOVE YOU! You must be loaded with The Awesome!
Has you tried Silvervine
I haven’t tried it but I really want to! The Woman looked for it online but didn’t find any…but it sounds amazing.
Oh….my birthday is in June. Just sayin’…
The hooman bought us a little nip plant, but it’s all wrong and smells like lemons! Who makes nip plants that smell like lemons? Why oh why does it smell like lemons? (the hooman is now still looking for a correct not lemon stinky nip plant)
Nip is a mint, right? And you can make it into tea. So maybe someone crossed lemon tea with nip, thinking they were gonna get a special taste treat, and you wound up getting it instead.
I can see where a person might enjoy that, but for me it would be all wrong. Lemon smells hurt my nose. It’s like perfumed people sweat.
Now, I like licking people sweat because it’s salty and tasty but I try to not breathe when I do. I would hate it if my nip smelled like that. Your person needs to find a new plant, and find it fast.
The hoomans we live sif have a dog and she’s going to haf puppies. Yuck. Are puppies good for anything?
Dood! Puppies are awesome! They don’t really do much at first, but once they start moving around, you get to blame them for EVERYTHING! Seriously…break a lamp, shred some toilet paper, knock crap off the coffee table….you can blame the puppies for it all, and they’ll jst lumber around looking all cute and chit, and NO ONE GETS IN TROUBLE!
Puppies are even better than having kittens around. The people would expect you to be a good example to kittens, but with puppies? You are gonna have so much fun!
Bonus: when they get bigger and turn into dogs, they’ll probably go to new forever homes. So you get the best of both worlds!
Dear Max,
Why don’t I have a belly button? I’ve looked and looked, and I just can’t find it. Does this meen I’ll never be abel to ware a Speedo?
Dood, it might come as a surprise to you, but you DO have one. It doesn’t look like a people belly button…it’s more like a thingy on your belly that’s a different color, but in order to see it you’d have to shave off your tummy fur, and dood, no one likes a shaved…kitty.
Deer Max, We herd abowt Silver Vine on yer colum last week, and so we got sum, and boy, it made Tripper go INSANE!!!! And he was psyko to begin with. Me and Mao tride to use sum, but Tripper came running cuz he can smell it frum five miles away. How do we git hi win Tripper is within 5 miles of us?
Oh, and Max, is it rong to have urjes for the oringe cat down the street? I see him win we go for walks and he makes me feel all sparkley inside.
Pleeze don’t use my name on that qweschun, thx.