Ask Max: No Happy Ending Throat Massage

May 7, 2012 |

What do think of someone who reads almost everything you blog?Also thanks for teaching me bright new colorful words! YOU ARE AWSOME!!!!!!!!!!!

Only ALMOST everything? I think you’re slacking, dood!

No, seriously, you have very good taste, and I appreciate that. Not everyone can be fine conisewers of reading. Those are the people that read dog blogs instead.

Would it be awesome if animals could talk?

If? IF? We talk, you people just don’t LISTEN!!!

The other night I hear my mom say her throat hurt, so when she went to bed I plopped across it to purr on it and make it better. Isn’t that what we’re supposed to do? She was NOT happy!

That’s EXACTLY what you’re supposed to do! She shouldn’t have gotten mad, she should have gotten comfortable and enjoyed it. Face it, people PAY for throat massages like that! But, since she was probably getting sick and feeling bad, you might want to forgive her lack of appreciations. Peoples’ brains don’t work well when they’re sick.

Max I am so hungry but they put me on a diet and I don’t get enough food what do I do?

Pick your least favorite person and start nomming on his or her leg*. Sooner or later they’ll get the hint and feed you more, or you’ll chew off a good chunk of flesh, and problem solved. Don’t worry about it being raw person; we’re kitties, we can handle uncooked meat. I bet they open a can for you, though.

*Please don’t really eat a person. Nom gently.

Category: 0 - Featured, Ask Max Monday

About the Author ()

Max the Psycho Kitty is 14 pounds of sleek black and white glory. With an attitude ... and opinions ... on everything. He's a put-upon and under-appreciated domestic feline with an addiction to Kitty Crack and an appetite for Stinky Goodness. A pioneer in the Cat Blogosphere, he began his popular blog "The Psychokitty Speaks Out" in October of 2003 Max is the author of three books, "The PsychoKitty Speaks Out: Diary of a Mad Housecat," its sequel "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Something of Yours Will Meet a Toothy Death," and "The Rules: A Guide For People Owned By Cats."

Comments (3)

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  1. Cheysuli says:

    If I did that with the Woman she might appreciate me more–you know she thinks her legs are too fat so if I gnawed off a chunk, that would help wouldn’t it?

  2. Maobert Schnickles says:

    Chey, compared to yer big booty, yer mom’s legs are toothpiks like Lora Flin Boil’s or Kalista Flokhart’s.

  3. well I gotta say, so far my Mom and Dad totally appreciate me giving them leg massages at 2AM! And I add music like this sometimes…purrrpurrpurr