Katz Tales Starring Au, Target & Guido

We are very pleased to have the golden boys … um, mancats, Au, Target and Guido, of Katz Tales with us today. It’s so hot and humid, we have been sitting around drinking iced nip tea with a dash of tuna juice.

It seems some of their writing talent has rubbed off on their Mummy Cat. (We don’t think she can spell as well as the boys can, though.) They’ve been regaling us with funny tales of blogging and newspaper columns, but it’s time to cut the chitchat and begin the interview.

FFF: You three mancats live in Malaysia.  Your mom is a writer and, if we remember correctly, your blog is an offshoot of a newspaper column she still writes.  Would you introduce yourselves and your human(s) to readers.

Au, Target and Guido: hello efurryone! Thanks for inviting us!

Au: i go first bekos i’m de senior kat! hello, i know you are all furry honoured to meet me. dat’s ok. i’m feeling purry furry today. you may pet me.

let’s see, who are we? well, de survunts got to adopt me 14 years ago. dey haf been furry grateful efur since. de other two were reskew cats too. de fur brain Target came to live wif us 4 years ago and Guido has been wif us almost a year.

de survunt is a writer. all day long it’s skribbul, skribbul, skribbul. sometimes i can’t get to the komputer until night! she writes for newspapers and magazines and she writes books too. you’d think she’s only write abowt us but most of her stuff is abowt people! de survunt says writing abowt us is a joy but writing abowt people is what pays for de cat food. and de ham. anyway, she’s now studying to be a therapist. dis is good bekos she needs all de help she can get.

De Male is an akademik. de survunt says he’s clever but i don’t see it. i often haf to repeat myself when i am ordering my ham. he’s not too good abowt getting up at 3AM either. de best thing abowt de Male is dat he’s good at squizzling and games. i get my chin squizzled on de meow and we play efurry day.

FFF: Guido’s original name was Jake, but your mom didn’t think he looked like a Jake so she changed his name.  Is there anything special about the origin of all of your names?  Do any of you have nicknames?  How about nicknames for each other?

Au: i am Au De Magnificent! also Razor Klaw!

Target: and Au Meow, and Kitten KerSqueezul and Little Tail and …

Au: shut up, fur brain!

Guido: I think that question was Intended For Me. Au was named for his Golden Fur and because he plays rough with T-man so they’re always shouting, “Au, Au, Au!” when they play. Target was named for the Handsome Swirls on his coat.

Target: Thanks. I am furry handsome, I know because Mummy Cat says so ten times a day or more.

Guido: Yeah well, it’s just as well you have Looks because who was Hiding Behind The Door When Brain Were Handed Out? Anyway, Target is also Mr Snizzles, a kitten name that’s stuck.

My name was changed because the pets thought that I looked Italian. And because of my Furry Handsome Cinnamon fur, they also added the name Geronggang, a Malaysian tree with rich red wood. However, they don’t say it right so the name’s morphed to Gelongan.

FFF: Au, you had a tough start in life.  You were rescued after being thrown out of a car.  You’re also FIV positive but doing well on your medication.  You’re a senior cat now and in need of less energetic pursuits than Target or Guido.  But you’ve undoubtedly acquired a lot of wisdom on life.  Is there anything you’d like to share with readers?

Au: you can nefur have enough frensh ham or rost chikkun. and after your survunts give you dese, you should purr for dem a little. survunts need purrs. dey also need purrfy furry headbuts. dey live for dese little things. praise your survunts for doing well and spare de klaw, dat is de sekret to a good life.

FFF: Target, you’re been called a whirlwind cause you love to roughhouse and … well, why don’t you explain why you’re the whirlwind of the family. Is part of it that you are too impatient to wait for your own bowl to be filled and stick your face in Au’s?  Or you steal Guido’s silvervine?  Hmmm, wonder what you steal of your mom’s.

Target: The whirl winding happens twice a day because I just go all crazypants with happiness. I love table surfing and if a few things smash, well Mummy Cat says that’s just how the coffee cup crumbles. As for stealing? Nefur! I put my face in Au’s bowl in order to TEST his food. I’m a purrfectionist so it can take a whole bowl to be sure it’s good enough for the senior cat! Also, that silvervine was for me. I’m sure of it. And if I am in possession of Mummy Cat’s pen or snizzle circles or knickers, well, that’s just me tidying them away.

FFF: Guido, we understand you were adopted from Pet Epicure which sounds very posh, but you evidently have frequent tummy troubles, likely because you’re a “dustbin kitty,” as your mom calls you. You have half the neighborhood feeding you.  (You really need to work on training the other half too.)   You must be either very charismatic or an award winning feline actor appearing starving and pitiful.  What is your secret?

Guido: I shall ignore the Slur of Dustbin Kitty! I don’t have tummy troubles anymore and I remain an Adventurous Eater. Yesterday I had raw meat, gourmet cat food, roast chicken, Gouda, dental treats and other assorted yummy stuff. Today I shall try out some Tuna For Human People. I think my Rich and Varied Diet is why I am looking so good.

Target: Huh, you’re nowhere near as cute as me!

Guido: As I was saying before I was Rudely Interrupted: I never beg, I just look up and say, “Meoooooooooooooooow???” and the people I meet hand over their lunch. I think of these offerings as Tributes.

Au: dat’s right! we katz rule!

FFF: In the past, you’ve been able to participate in events around the blogosphere, such as Meow Like a Pirate Day, but your mom has become so busy with her writing, she’s been hogging your computer and cutting down on your computer time.  We were concerned you’d disappear, but you’re able to participate in various cat and dog Olympic games going on now.  Does this mean your mom recognizes your desire to keep your fans happy?

Au: de survunt komplains a lot but really it’s we katz who do all de work! i run de KatzTalesTweet twitter feed and de Katz Tales Facebook Fan Page. de survunt only writes a few blog posts and some newspaper columns and some books abowt us. I don’t count all dat other stuff she writes bekos it’s not abowt us.

Target: I help too! I sit on the desk and snoopervise all of Mummy Cat’s work. And it was me who put us in for the Olympic Events. Synchronised Snoozing, Balance Beam, Fierceful Yawning and Best Nippy Face.

Guido: And Tuneful Farting. Don’t forget, you’re entered for that one, Target.

Target: ????????

Guido: Did I say that out loud? Whoops! *evil laugh* Someone must have stood on the keyboard and pressed Send accidentally.

FFF: Do you have any special plans for your blogging future you’d like to share?

Guido: Well, it’s still Not Generally Known but I shall have my own column soon with Petfinder.my.

Target & Au: ?!?!?!?!?!

Guido: I guess I forgot to mention that we’ve been Negotiating for some weeks now. The column will be launched end of July or early August as part of the Petfinder.my new online magazine. It will be called The World According To Guido.

FFF: What do you like most about blogging?  What do you dislike about it?

Au: my fans can’t get enuff of me, so it’s a pleshure to blog. efurrything should be abowt me! but dat piktshure of me in my super loo, dat was too much!

Target & Guido: MOL! We loved it!

FFF: Do you have any words of advice for new blogging kitties?

Au: remember to be humbul like me.

Target: Share your treats!

Guido: And let us know where you are so we can Drop By.

Au, Target & Guido: Thanks for having us Funny Farmer Felines! We’ve had fun!

Target: Hey Guido, what do you mean, I was Hiding Behind The Door When Brain Were Handed Out?

Au & Guido: fur brain!

We’d like to thank the three of you for taking time out of your busy schedule to answer questions for Mousebreath. We’ve sure learned a lot about you and we hope our readers have too.

You can see more of Au, Target and Guido by visiting the Katz Tales blog.

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Tags: Au, Funny Farmer Felines, Interview, Jan's Funny Farm, Katz Tales, Target & Guido

Category: 0 - Featured, Columns, Funny Farmer Felines, Humor