Ask Max Monday: Don’t Dropkick the Kitten

December 17, 2012 |

We has this foster kitten that everyone thinks we are keeping but mom keeps denying it but we suspect she is not telling the truth. Will we still get presents from santa paws if we kick him over the rail of the balcony so he doesn’t stay here?

THANKS – the permanent residents of Random Felines

Um, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but krap like that gets a kitty permabanned from Santa’s good kitty list, and you’ll probably NEVER get anything EVER again. Like, never ever ever ever ever.

Ok, so maybe that’s not totally true, but drop kicking a kitty over the balcony is kinda mean. I’d just lock him in a closet until your mom forgets she had him at all. I mean, feed the little dood and all, but keep him out of sight until she forgets, and then offer him up on eBay or Facebook.

Or, you know, you could suck it up and learn to like him, because dood, he’s your future scapegoat and whipping boy. You can blame him for EVERYTHING. So you might want to re-think getting rid of him.

hey max did you ask santa for anything speshul this year?

Naw, he always comes through with something good, so I figured I wouldn’t bother him. I am 11 years old now, after all. I should leave the asking for things to the little doods, because they haven’t figured out yet that Santa just KNOWS what to give you, and he likes how cute they are when they’re excited.

Now, I *DO* ask things of my people, but not present things. I ask them to buy a few things for the Esspeeseeay, because shelter kitties don’t have much. And I ask them to let me use their credit card so I can donate my book money. They’re cool with that, because they get to take the tax deduction, and people are ALL about saving a few pennies here and there.

The sticky people have stockings on the fireplace but I don’t! Whynot? I’ve been good!

Dood…that could be a good thing. It could be that your people have it on good word that Santa is bringing you something way too big or too good to stick in a stocking! You’re probably gonna hit the motherload!

Or, you know, maybe you sucked a little this year. There’s always that. ;)

WHAT ABOUT HANUKKAH MAX? WHY DOESN’T THE OTHER KITTIES TALK ABOUT HANUKKAH?

Dood. Hanukkah is a wicked cool holiday and its foundation is proof of miracles; I think the reason you’re not seeing a lot of other kitties online talking about it is because they live with people who don’t celebrate it or just don’t know a lot about it. We’re kinda Santa centric, but it’s not an intended insult to our friends who do celebrate the Festival of Lights.

And ya know, I apologize for that. And I truly hope you had a wonderful Hanukkah this year. MOUSEBREATH NOTE: Mousebreath is celebrating Hanukkah with this song-and-dance post.

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Category: 0 - Featured, Ask Max Monday, Columns, Last Week

About the Author ()

Max the Psycho Kitty is 14 pounds of sleek black and white glory. With an attitude ... and opinions ... on everything. He's a put-upon and under-appreciated domestic feline with an addiction to Kitty Crack and an appetite for Stinky Goodness. A pioneer in the Cat Blogosphere, he began his popular blog "The Psychokitty Speaks Out" in October of 2003 Max is the author of three books, "The PsychoKitty Speaks Out: Diary of a Mad Housecat," its sequel "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Something of Yours Will Meet a Toothy Death," and "The Rules: A Guide For People Owned By Cats."

Comments (2)

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  1. Thanks Max. We think she would find him in the closet – we don’t have that many around here. guess we should avoid throwing him out…..sigh

    Have a Merry Christmas Max!!

  2. Connie says:

    dudes.. drop kicking a kitten.. ?? even if he his encroaching on your territory, that’s just sad. You do know if your mom keeps it that she’ll feel so guilty that she’ll spoil you all rotten right?

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