Ask Max Monday: Your People Never Get THAT Mature…

January 7, 2013 |

Well as you know we have a new baby comming and now there is talk of Moving. What is that and what do we do. There is rumblings of a fireplace and more room and really big windows to sit in front of. And they say the local turkey gang hangs in the yard. But we like it here with our humans. We do not want to leave. How can we stop all this change?

Change is like death and taxes. Kind of inevitable. And the M-word just sneaks up on you because people never really let you know exactly when it’s going to happen. Heck, most of the time you only know about it at all because you overhear them talking about it.

What happens is this: one morning you get locked into a bathroom with food and water, and you stay there all freaking day long, which really sucks if you have to be in there with Buddah. There will be lots of noise on the other side of the door, and later when they let you out…all your stuff is GONE.

Now, your first reaction is “Dood! SOMEONE STOLE MY STUFF!” but relax…it’ll show up in the new place.

I know moving bites and no one really wants to do it…but it can actually be pretty sweet. You get to see new things out the window, and sometimes you wind up with lots of room to run and have wicked awesome places to hide. For a while, you’ll have 23 kinds of fun exploring everything, and later when the people decide they didn’t put furniture in the right place, you get to explore all over again.

Embrace it, dood, because people wanting to move is an unstoppable force. You might as well enjoy the ride.

Oh! And on the ride to the new place, sing your little heart out the WHOLE way. People like that. Really.

My mom wants to know how to begin blogging and then teach me and my brudder. Duz your woman havs any good ids about it? Wez can lern kwick! Max, thanz for ansering me and it made me really happy! I am a shy kitty mosly. Jameson

If you’ve never blogged before, it might be a good idea to start with a free blogging site, like Blogger or WordPress. It’s pretty easy: join, pick a template, and start writing. Don’t be afraid to play around with the template to make it look the way you want. It’s pretty easy (the Woman can do it, that means anyone can) and can be a lot of fun.

Now, at first you’ll probably have some human help. Make sure they understand they have to be true to your personality. If you’re a really sweet lump of fur, it will be hard to write as if you’re a mean little kitty. If you’re aloof, it’ll be hard to write like you’re gregarious. That make sense? It does in my head.

And ask your person to keep in mind that cats age, so your voice might change, too, and that’s all right. In fact, it’s a good thing, because it’s hard to read blogs that are written in perpetual baby-talk. You don’t have to be a champion speller, but remember that you mature, and your voice should, too. (Well, ok, in my opinion.)

Post a few times a week, and comment on other cat blogs, and you might find you get really popular!

Dear Max, How much older does my human mom have to get before she can go to the potty bathroom by herself? Some nights she gets up too many times and I can barely open my eyes let alone stagger in there.

I really hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I don’t think people ever get old enough. The Woman is over fifty and I don’t really trust her to go all alone, especially at night. I mean, what if she slips and falls and cracks her head on the edge of the tub or the toilet? SOMEONE has to be there to laugh at her.


Aw man, it was yesterday. You blew it, dood. You blew it.


Category: 0 - Featured, Ask Max Monday

About the Author ()

Max the Psycho Kitty is 14 pounds of sleek black and white glory. With an attitude ... and opinions ... on everything. He's a put-upon and under-appreciated domestic feline with an addiction to Kitty Crack and an appetite for Stinky Goodness. A pioneer in the Cat Blogosphere, he began his popular blog "The Psychokitty Speaks Out" in October of 2003 Max is the author of five blockbuster hit books, "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Diary of a Mad Housecat,", its sequel "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Something of Yours Will Meet a Toothy Death,", "The Rules: A Guide For People Owned By Cats " and the most recent: Bite Me. His most recent is a book of poetry, "There Once Was a Cat from Nantucket."

Comments (6)

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  1. Dio the Kitty says:

    Dear Max, I made the best farts ever. They had a good bouquet and a lingering aroma, but then I made a whole bunch not so good poops and now I has to eat a pumpkin. It makes my tongue orange and the other kitties tease me. Will I have to eat pumpkins forever or is this a temporary thing?

  2. Dear Max,

    We learn so much from your answers! You rock!!!!!

  3. Mojo says:

    Hey dood,thanx for the blogging advise. I am bugging my human to start a blog for me, but she is putting it off, even though I do have a sort of a blog on Catster. I have to follow my human to the potty room all the time too, especially in the middle of the night. It does get tiring, but I do like to watch the water go up and down in the bowl!

  4. Charmee says:

    You are wise, dood!

  5. Penelope says:

    Dear Max, Wes gots like a zillion feet of snow since Christmas and Kozmo can’t goes outside and chase mice, so he is chasing ME! The worst is him cornering me and not letting me past. How can me gets him to stop?
    Your ardent admirer

  6. Veronica says:

    I love the answer about the human that has to keep going to the bathroom. Priceless! Very inventive idea to have a cat answering questions like this. A lot of material, so you always have plenty to write!


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