Ask Max Monday: You Need Bigger Nuts

March 4, 2013 |

Ask Max Monday

OK took your advice and lft a pile of nuts for the squirrels. The next time me went outside, mes gots pelted! Does yous knows how to contact the squirrel Mafia?
Kisses
Nellie

I don’t think you want to do that. To get in direct contact with them, you’d have to go into their territory…and that’s outside. Outside just isn’t a good place to be, not when there are outlaw squirrels out and about. Perhaps you need to leave more—and a higher quality, and definitely bigger—nuts out for them. Persistence in offerings may be your best bet. And stay inside for a while. Just in case.

HAY MAX GOOD ADVICE ON THE SQWERLZ, BUT WARE DO I GIT NUTZ? WIN I WUZ A KITTEN I GOT NOOTERD.

Dood. No need to purchase what you already are. The squirrels will love you just as you happen to be.

Deer Max – why is it bad that I walk between my mommy’s feet in the middle of the night when she is going to the human litterbox room? I think it’s funny that she keeps slamming her head into the wall. She doesn’t. So you has to settle our argument – am I BAD?

You’re not bad; she’s just clumsy. Keep on doing it, little dood, and sooner or later she’ll develop the flexibility and dexterity to not slam body parts into walls. Really, you’re doing her a favor.

Mighty Kitty here .Max, you give the greatest answers! I really liked the answer to Rosie Posie! Being kissed “onna lips” isn’t the nicest thing for kitties!Now I have a question! What breed of kitty is the one that has the grumpy face and looks so sad? You are a cool dood, Max! Thanks for your advice on Mondays! I always look forward to your wisdom.

That grumpy kitty is a girl named Tardar Sauce. She’s a mixed breed kitty (her mother was a calico and her father a gray tabby) and her special look—which I love because she totally rocks—is either genetic or neurological; the vet would need to do testing to see, but she’s happy and healthy so her people don’t want to put her through that. She has a tux brother named Pokey who also has a bit of a grumpy look…but they really are both happy kitties, and while they’re both very small, they have giant personalities. You can learn more about Tardar at her website, grumpycats.com.

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About the Author ()

Max the Psycho Kitty is 14 pounds of sleek black and white glory. With an attitude ... and opinions ... on everything. He's a put-upon and under-appreciated domestic feline with an addiction to Kitty Crack and an appetite for Stinky Goodness. A pioneer in the Cat Blogosphere, he began his popular blog "The Psychokitty Speaks Out" in October of 2003 Max is the author of three books, "The PsychoKitty Speaks Out: Diary of a Mad Housecat," its sequel "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Something of Yours Will Meet a Toothy Death," and "The Rules: A Guide For People Owned By Cats."

Comments (2)

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  1. Rosie Posie says:

    My sisfur’s disgustin. Her wees in our watser bowls onna floors alla times. I wants to no cuz whys her do dat? Meowmy hasta clean it ups alla times. Makes her stopsit!!

    Purrs,
    Rosey Posey

  2. Max,

    We don’t recall if anycat has asked this before, but why are humans so enthralled with our toes and paws? Our Meowm is always trying to touch ours and hold our paws. We don’t go around touching her feets and toes!