Ask Max Monday: The Brevity Edition

Ask Max Monday

HAY MAX, WARE COOD I GIT ONE OF FINNEGANS SISTERZ KITTINS WITH 22 NIPPULS?

Chernobyl.

long_cat

She’ll probably look a lot like this.

Wise Guru Uncle Max, I have a question.  Have you ever been in love?  If so, what does it feel like?

Indigestion.

Max, how many times will I have to chew the mom’s shoelaces before she stops getting mad about it and just lets me do it?

1,456,912 times.

Max do you really watch Doctor Who?

YES.

Hey do you really hate everything?

No.

Can I be your friend on Facebook?

Sure.

Max, I have been waiting and waiting and waiting for the second Tuesday of next week so that we can have our date, but it never seems to get here. Is it ever going to? Love, Weezer

Um…

 

Just a head’s up: next week Ask Max Monday might be Ask Max Tuesday, because the Woman is going to be off doing boobie things over the weekend and probably won’t leave the computer on for me. But go ahead a leave questions, either here or email me at askmaxmonday@gmail.com. She’ll turn the computer on for me Monday evening, and I’ll answer them then.

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Category: Ask Max Monday, Featured, Last Week, zzz Previous 3 cat articles

About the Author ()

Max the Psycho Kitty is 14 pounds of sleek black and white glory. With an attitude ... and opinions ... on everything. He's a put-upon and under-appreciated domestic feline with an addiction to Kitty Crack and an appetite for Stinky Goodness. A pioneer in the Cat Blogosphere, he began his popular blog "The Psychokitty Speaks Out" in October of 2003. Max is the author of SIX blockbuster hit books, "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Diary of a Mad Housecat,", its sequel "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Something of Yours Will Meet a Toothy Death,", "The Rules: A Guide For People Owned By Cats," "Bite Me," "There Once Was a Cat from Nantucket" (a book of poetry), and his new smash hit, "The Emperor of San Francisco [The Wick Chronicles]."

Comments (6)

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  1. Kitties Blue says:

    That photo is so hysterical, and it doesn't even look photoshopped! XOCK, Lily Olivia, Mauricio, Misty May, Giulietta, Fiona, Astrid, Lisbeth and Cslista Jo

  2. can we fire the mom – we had a question and she can't remember what it is

  3. Magee says:

    Max, I like pettins and skritches but DO NOT WANT CUDDLES, HUGS OR GETTING PICKED UP. How do I get more pettins and skritches without the cuddling, hugging, or picking up? Turning on the kyoot gets lots of pettins and skritches but the human will inevitably want to scoop me up or cuddle or hug which ruins my good times!

  4. supie20 says:

    Max, I nearly krost da rainbo britch lass week. I'm old and I gots problums wiff my kidneez. My food lady is very distrest and kryed a lot, but now dat I'm getting better, she stopt having a kunnipchin fit. Anyway, the stabby lady tole da food lady I coud hav hooman bebeh food wiff my speshill diet. My kweschin is: Is hooman bebeh food made of akchooal hooman bebehs? Cuz I don't no if I'm OK wiff dat or not. (Meebee I'm a liddle OK wiff it, but I'd ravver it be made from skwerls and brds.) I mean, hav u tasted hoomans? Dey are a liddle gross. BTW, if you git sik, you git 24/7 pets, warms, and fed from a spoon so you dont even hav to stik yor hed in da bol. It's grate! Luv, Spider

  5. TRIPPER says:

    MAX I IS VARY UPSET WITH YOO, TITILATING US ONE WEEK WITH STOREEZ OF FINNEGANS SISTERZ KITTINS WITH 22 NIPPULS THEN THE NEXT WEEK TELLING US WE HAVE TO GO TO CHERNOBUL? I LOOKED IT UP ON GOOGLE EARTH AND IT IS AT LEAST 8 INCHES FRUM WARE I LIVE. I SPENDED A HOLE ENTIRE WEEK AWAITING YER ANSER AND FEELING TITILATED, AND THEN MY HART DROPPED TO THE GROWND AND ROLLED INTO THE SEWER WIN I LEARNT SHE WAS UNATTAINABLE. PLEEZE, MAX, NO MORE TITILATING.

  6. Banzai says:

    Max, will I git balled? The blue cowch keeps steeling all my furz, and I am ascared that pritty soon I won't have any furz left. I am NOT follickly challenged; my furz are being stolen. I don't wunt to reeport the cowch to police for its theevery cuz I shur like sleepin on it.

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