Ask Max Monday: C’mon Baby Light My Fire

Ask Max Monday

Max!
I am a former feral kitten but now I live inside with my cat mom. I still have my street cred and I think I have a tattoo that says “Feral Forever” that I got at the stabby place, but I like my noms and my heated cat cup too. Can I be a true feral and live inside with peoples? And how do I keep the peoples from snatching me up? (I kind of like it *embarrassed* )

Deep inside, there will always be feral things about you, so hold onto that street cred. But honestly, inside is a heck of a lot better than outside, because there’s food and beds and warms, and even people. If you like being snatched up, don’t be embarrassed. Even the toughest of tough doods needs a hug every now and then. I mean, turn on professional wrestling. Those doods hug each other ALL THE TIME. Even when they’re only in their undies and are super sweaty. It’s like, “Dood!” (grunt) “Dood!” (grunt) BRO HUG!!!, and then they slam into each other in a giant wet hug.

I don’t particularly care for being snatched up, but I do enjoy spending time on a lap. In fact, I like it so much I will stomp all over the Woman when she has the computer on her lap just to get her to move it and make room for me.

Enjoy your affections. That’s kinda the reward for getting through living the feral life. That and cheese. Make sure they give you some cheese.

Max. The human boy grew up and moved away and he took the dog. When can I throw a party?

Dood. Party on! Pick a night and invite all your friends to have an awesome, canine-free, cat-nip infused hallelujah blowout. You can serve shrimp and steak and niptinis, and have party games like pin the tail on the doggy, and it can go on all weekend long.

But I’m gonna let you in on a secret.

When the party’s over and the house is quiet, you’re gonna miss that loud, stinky, walking wad of fur. And it’ll take a while to get over that.

Trust me. I know.

Dear Max, what’s your favorite thing about winter? Mine is that my people stay home more and we watch TV together. My brother says it’s looking out the window and watching people slip on the ice. I know you’re a California dood but it gets cold there, right? What’s your favorite thing?

Nothing beats this, dood. This alone was worth buying the house. If I could have it on in the summer, too, I totally would. The people do not agree. Go figure.

Got a question for me?
You can leave it in the comments below,
or drop me an email at askmaxmonday@gmail.com.

You can also find me on Facebook.

 

 

Category: Ask Max Monday, Featured

About the Author ()

Max the Psycho Kitty is 14 pounds of sleek black and white glory. With an attitude ... and opinions ... on everything. He's a put-upon and under-appreciated domestic feline with an addiction to Kitty Crack and an appetite for Stinky Goodness. A pioneer in the Cat Blogosphere, he began his popular blog "The Psychokitty Speaks Out" in October of 2003. Max is the author of SIX blockbuster hit books, "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Diary of a Mad Housecat,", its sequel "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Something of Yours Will Meet a Toothy Death,", "The Rules: A Guide For People Owned By Cats," "Bite Me," "There Once Was a Cat from Nantucket" (a book of poetry), and his new smash hit, "The Emperor of San Francisco [The Wick Chronicles]."

Comments (2)

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  1. “…says it’s looking out the window and watching people slip on the ice…” LOL!

  2. Cathy says:

    I like the idea of tattoos “Feral Forever” LOL

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