Ask Max Monday: Come Saturday Morning It’s Time To Put A Sock In It

Ask Max Monday

Hay Max, they got my bro to come liv with us!!!!! This has bin the best week of my life! But why is it that Banzai looks like me and is NOT my bro, but my reel bro is blak! Banzai sez its cuz my mom was a ho. Shood I beet Banzai up?

Naw, beating him up just wastes energy you could use playing with your brother. And don’t let Banzai get to you—I’m pretty sure my mom was a ho and my dad was some random alley cat that wandered by at just the right time and had his way with her for half a can of gooshy food and a Snickers bar, but that doesn’t stop me from being pure awesomeness. Banzai is just upset because he doesn’t have his bro there, and you do. You might even need to be NICE to him.

That’s right. I said it.

NICE.

It sounds really difficult, but I’ve discovered that when I’m nice, real live fresh dead meaty treats tend to appear. So you have that to look forward to.

And congrats on your bro coming to live with you! YOU’RE RELATED TO BASEMENT KITTY! Sweet.

I once thought Basement Kitty had come to live with me, but he rolled over and there was white on his belly, so it’s just Buddah, which isn’t worth getting excited about.

Dear Max, I read your blog, too, and sometimes you complain about the Woman not wearing any pants. What happens when the doorbell rings? We’re really curious. Does she put pants on?

NO!

When the doorbell rings she gets up and answers it without even THINKING about putting pants on! Most of the time it’s the UPS dood, but cripes, he drops the packages and runs away, it’s so disturbing.

Oh. She’s over her trying to tell me she has lycra shorts on and those count as pants, but doods…no, they do not. I promise you, they do not.

Max. Now my mom is singing “Come Saturday Morning.” And she doesn’t know all the words, so it’s just that over and over again. WHY?

Because.

  • She’s still old
  • She’s so old she doesn’t know any new songs
  • She’s drinking again.

We can chip in and buy her some iTunes cards so she can get some newer music. I suggest a really awesome CD called “American Idiot.” For realz.

Max, my cat has been enthralled with the political debates recently. He sits in the middle of the floor and stares at the TV for long stretches, and it seems like he’s paying attention. Why is he so interested?

He can’t comprehend the magnitude of stupidity he’s witnessing. That and all the hot air. Cats like blowing hot air. It feels nice on the furs, and makes us sleepy.

But mostly…yeah, he’s blown away by the sheer inanity of it all.

Got a question for me? You can leave it in the comments here, or drop me an email at askmaxmonday@gmail.com You can also find me on Facebook.

Category: Uncategorized

About the Author ()

Max the Psycho Kitty is 14 pounds of sleek black and white glory. With an attitude ... and opinions ... on everything. He's a put-upon and under-appreciated domestic feline with an addiction to Kitty Crack and an appetite for Stinky Goodness. A pioneer in the Cat Blogosphere, he began his popular blog "The Psychokitty Speaks Out" in October of 2003. Max is the author of SIX blockbuster hit books, "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Diary of a Mad Housecat,", its sequel "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Something of Yours Will Meet a Toothy Death,", "The Rules: A Guide For People Owned By Cats," "Bite Me," "There Once Was a Cat from Nantucket" (a book of poetry), and his new smash hit, "The Emperor of San Francisco [The Wick Chronicles]."

Comments (7)

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  1. Mousebreath Magazine says:

    Max, dude! Your mom needs the lyrics!!

    Come Saturday morning, I’m goin’ away with my friend
    We’ll Saturday-spend till the end of the day, just I and my friend
    We’ll travel for miles in our Saturday smiles and then we’ll move on
    But we will remember long after Saturday’s gone

    Come Saturday morning, come Saturday morning

    Come Saturday morning, I’m goin’ away with my friend
    We’ll Saturday-laugh more than half of the day, just I and my friend
    (My friend)
    Dressed up in our rings and our Saturday things and then we’ll move on
    But we will remember long after Saturday’s gone

    Come Saturday morning, come Saturday morning

    Come Saturday morning, just I and my friend

    (Saturday, my friend)
    We’ll travel for miles in our Saturday smiles and then we’ll move on
    But we will remember long after Saturday’s gone

    Come Saturday morning, come Saturday morning
    Come Saturday morning, come Saturday morning

    Come Saturday morning, come Saturday morning
    Come Saturday morning, come Saturday morning

    Come Saturday morning, come Saturday morning
    Come Saturday morning, come Saturday morning

  2. Norkin says:

    Mister Max,

    How come kitties wif colors like tuxies and cow kitties and tabbies and calicos can be colored on top and white in the bottom but not the other way round? How come you see lotsa kitties wif colored backs and heads and white feets and bellehs, but you never see one that is white on top and colored at the belleh (but they sumtimes haf colored feets and tails)?

    I is a torbie, and my belleh is lighter than my back.

    Luff, Norkin

  3. Max….

    So, this foster kitten showed back up. He was here this spring when his momma popped him out and then he grew up (sorta – as big as they get around here before they leave) and mom said he wasn’t adopted and got snotty and now he is back here. Mom swears it is short term and so I had to stop growling at him.

    But Max….he STOLE MINE BALL FETCHING TOY!!!

    I can’t reach the door handle to kick him out. What do I do???
    Thanks, Daiquiri

  4. Hi Max, this is Chimera. Why does my Mommy get annoyed when I bath her. I just want to keep her clean and make her hairs lay flat.

  5. Patricia Sullivan says:

    Max, you are a wise dude!!

  6. Bambi says:

    Dear Mr. Max,

    I live in North Carolina with my brother Cavalli and my Cuzzin Jazzy and that stupid woofie Callie. My human mama says I am moving to New York City soon and live with the Horsey Girl ‘cos she is lonely and needs fur. But then I saw the story the Mousebreath Lady wrote about feral cats hunting rats in New York City! I am a very good hunter. I have caught mouses and deaded them and I even caught a flying mouse and deaded him too! Do you think I am moving to New York City to be a feral cat and hunt rats? I don’t think I want to do that. I like sleeping on the bed with mama and licking Jazzy’s head and playing with Cavalli and beating up the woofie. What should I do?

    Love Bambina

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