Ask Max Monday: Don’t Bite The Tail

Ask Max Monday

Max, 

The human has a blankie that is sometimes very warm. Like, if you could sit in the fireplace without setting your asterisk on fire warm. 

But then sometimes, it’s just regular blanket temperature. I sit on it anyway, thinking it’s gonna be all warm, but then I realize it’s not and I go on my hammock. 

Max, how do I know when the blankie is going to be warm? Does it have to do with the tides? Daylight Savings? Time travel? 

Thanks. 

Relly

I’m pretty sure it’s all tied into the solstice and holidays and stuff like that. The warm things always come out when the holidays roll around and they go away when winter finally up and croaks, so that’s always the first clue. Take a look out the closest window. Does it look cold out (if unsure, press your nose to the glass. That will tell you.) If it looks cold, that greatly increases the chance that the fireplace blankie will be warm.

However, people are weird about things like this, so they do what they can to make sure warm things are not as warm as they can be when they’re not around to keep an eye on things. So if a person isn’t home, the chance that the blankie is warm drops to nearly zero per cent. So there’s no point bothering then.

But if the person IS home, walk around the blanket and look for its tail. There’s almost always a little box attached to its tail. On the box is a tiny light. If it’s lit up, the blankie is probably warm. If not…well, it’s still something to snuggle up on and you can make it warm up with your body heat. Not as much, but still pretty good.

Oh, and never bite the blankie’s tail. Bad things happen when you do. Sparky things.

= = =

Max, does it really work to tell Buddah NOT to do something?
We tell Chili Bruce to NOT eat all of Manny’s food, but he doesn’t listen AT ALL…

Sometimes, he listens. If the Woman uses her special I will turn you inside out voice, he pays attention. He knows she means business if she wags her pointy finger while she’s at it. Lately, it’s kept him from jumping on me or chasing me, mostly because he knows she’s the one with the opposable thumbs and sooner rather than later, he’ll want someone to open a can.

I can tell him not to do something a dozen times, but he doesn’t listen to me anymore. So if no one’s around, I totally get my asterisk jumped on. And chased. Getting old sucks.

= = =

Max,

Dat’s a great ruze if i ever herd one. Also, ‘member to be horrifyd and appalld wen they acsidently shok yer nosie dis time of yeer wen ebbryfink is electrical and zappy. My Fud Lady is kwik wit da treetos and sooper cater-y wen she go to boop my snoot and gimme a jolt. Meebe i shood go roll aroun on da rug to get a charge befor she come home from werk. Get me some toona. You know any ovver triks to get simpaffy treetos?

Gracie

You know, in general I’m not a fan of doing things to get sympathy treats, because it often ends in a trip to the stabby place. Like, I have an appointment for tomorrow afternoon to check out my limp, but thankfully I’m 99.9% better so the Man is going to call in the morning and cancel it. But still. I almost had to go let someone poke and prod at me, and all I got out of it was some extra treats.

Totally not worth it.

Now, what does work and is worth it is doing something cute. Like, jump on a lamp and give a person a nose kiss. They really like that and will reward you with a treat or two. Just don’t, like, sneeze the moment you get close to their face. People do NOT like that. Don’t ask me how I know.

= = =

Hey Max, Settle an argument for us, ok? We know you drink from a fountain and we do, too. One person here says they need to be replaced every now and then, the other says cleaning it out is enough. What do you do?

Dood…I totally got a new fountain yesterday! It’s glorious!

We replace the fountain a couple times a year. The people think that because it’s plastic, it probably holds onto odors and bacteria a bit, and they’ve noticed that we tend to prefer a water bowl after 6 months or so (and yes, they clean it and change the filters.) As soon as we get the new one, we start drinking from it again.

Maybe we’re picky, but… same thing with litter boxes. We got a brand new one every six months when we had plastic. Now that we have stainless steel, probably not.

If your fountain is stainless steel, regular cleaning is probably good enough. But with plastic—and this is our opinion, not anything scientific—it should probably be replaced at least once a year, and better if it’s twice.

= = =

Got a question? Drop me a line at askmaxmonday@gmail.com or leave it in the comments here.

Category: Ask Max Monday, Featured

About the Author ()

Max the Psycho Kitty is 14 pounds of sleek black and white glory. With an attitude ... and opinions ... on everything. He's a put-upon and under-appreciated domestic feline with an addiction to Kitty Crack and an appetite for Stinky Goodness. A pioneer in the Cat Blogosphere, he began his popular blog "The Psychokitty Speaks Out" in October of 2003. Max is the author of SIX blockbuster hit books, "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Diary of a Mad Housecat,", its sequel "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Something of Yours Will Meet a Toothy Death,", "The Rules: A Guide For People Owned By Cats," "Bite Me," "There Once Was a Cat from Nantucket" (a book of poetry), and his new smash hit, "The Emperor of San Francisco [The Wick Chronicles]."

Comments (4)

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  1. SUSAN A SAAVEDRA says:

    Max! A STAINLESS STEEL litter box?!? How did we miss this development? What does it look like? And where can we get one (or four)?
    (s) Belle, Romulus, Rosalyn and Harrison

    • Shawn Aileen says:

      Jaz and Saf ~ We didn’t know litterboxes came in stainless steel either! We need one now! Lub mew Max!

  2. We had a water fountain for the cats many years ago, and it was noisy and very hard to clean. Unfortunately, this is the image that The Hubby gets when I mention getting a new fountain. Perhaps you can suggest a kind, Max?

  3. messymimi says:

    We have a fountain, and it is new, but the cat that wants to drink out of the faucet won’t even look at it. It’s very expensive to leave the faucet dripping all of the time. Any ideas to get Link to switch over from begging for the faucet to be left on and drink from the fountain instead?

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