Ask Max Monday: Dood. What Is It?

Ask Max Monday

There was a discussion regarding the tiny white bowl placed in front of my mancat cubbie. There had never been a bowl there before, and while I was witness to its placement, Buddah was not, and he did his best to convince me that drinking from it would be a huge mistake. It could be anything! Why take the chance?

I stared into the bowl and contemplated all the ways I could mess with him. I wanted to tell him it was tuna water; if he thought that it was, he would rush to drink it before I could, and while his face hovered over the bowl, I could dunk it with one might swipe of my paw.

Oh,  I wanted to. I so wanted to.

But before I could make up my mind, the Woman told him to leave me alone. The water was for me and he had his own on the counter. Or he was free to drink from the fountain. Or even the little white bowl on the kitchen floor near my food mat. But she was not going to allow him to bother me in a moment she thought I wanted to drink.

She feels guilty.

A few days ago, while preparing my snack, she set her heel down right on top of my paw. I didn’t scream, but I let her know what she had just done was unacceptable and that I wanted an apology as soon as she was done scooping out the wonderful stinky, fishy goodness. I was perfectly capable of eating while she said she was sorry, and the food was more important, so it could wait a minute.

I did not get that apology.

Not then.

What I got was, “Max, stop winding around my feet, you’re going to get hurt.”

Yes. Well. I started eating and we both forgot about it. Well, she did. I remembered the next day, when I had a little bit of a limp. And I really remembered yesterday, when my limp was pronounced enough that she carried me from room to room when it seemed as if there was somewhere I wanted to be. She brought me into the kitchen for food. She even took me to the litter box. And she watched me, so very closely.

At bedtime snack, it hit her, and she clamped her hands over her mouth while she groaned, “Oh no!” And that’s when she remembered that she’d stepped on me. And that’s when I got an apology.

A little late, but, okay.

As part of her catering to me, I was given this little bowl of water so that I didn’t have to move very far to get a drink. The Man brought snacks to me. It was pretty freaking sweet.

But then I got up this morning and I wasn’t limping nearly as much. So there’s been less catering, but it hasn’t gone away completely. I need to remember that when I get up tomorrow. Limp just a tiny bit so that they keep doing things for me, but not so much they call the stabby guy.

She did ask me to make sure that next time I get like this, or get sick, I not do it on a weekend when the stabby place is closed.

We’ll see.

Got a question? Drop me a line at askmaxmonday@gmail.com or leave it in the comments here.

Category: Ask Max Monday, Featured

About the Author ()

Max the Psycho Kitty is 14 pounds of sleek black and white glory. With an attitude ... and opinions ... on everything. He's a put-upon and under-appreciated domestic feline with an addiction to Kitty Crack and an appetite for Stinky Goodness. A pioneer in the Cat Blogosphere, he began his popular blog "The Psychokitty Speaks Out" in October of 2003. Max is the author of SIX blockbuster hit books, "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Diary of a Mad Housecat,", its sequel "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Something of Yours Will Meet a Toothy Death,", "The Rules: A Guide For People Owned By Cats," "Bite Me," "There Once Was a Cat from Nantucket" (a book of poetry), and his new smash hit, "The Emperor of San Francisco [The Wick Chronicles]."

Comments (3)

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  1. Max, does it really work to tell Buddah NOT to do something?
    We tell Chili Bruce to NOT eat all of Manny’s food, but he doesn’t listen AT ALL…

  2. messymimi says:

    Reminds me of the time Sweetie’s dad spanked the wrong kid (identical twins), he felt awful. Just don’t keep up a fake limp for too long, you will get caught and then next time you are hurt, they might not realize you mean it.

  3. Jana says:

    Max,

    Dat’s a great ruze if i ever herd one. Also, ‘member to be horrifyd and appalld wen they acsidently shok yer nosie dis time of yeer wen ebbryfink is electrical and zappy. My Fud Lady is kwik wit da treetos and sooper cater-y wen she go to boop my snoot and gimme a jolt. Meebe i shood go roll aroun on da rug to get a charge befor she come home from werk. Get me some toona. You know any ovver triks to get simpaffy treetos?

    Gracie

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