Ask Max Monday: Feelin’ Fine…

Doods…thank you for all your well wishes while I was sick. It was a pretty nasty few days there, and the Woman was 99% sure that was it for me. But after a couple of trips to the stabby place, where they stabbed me a few times and stole my blood, and then pushed water under my skin, and then stabbed me again to give me meds to make my stomach stop hurting and another to hopefully make me feel hungry, I started feeling a little better.

It took a few days for my appetite to get back all the way, but I’m eating again and being my obnoxious self, so this disaster has been averted. But really…it was pretty bad. The Woman even kept the bedroom door open at night in case I needed anything. I wasn’t really sleeping the first few days, but once the meds kicked in, I stretched out on top of her and slept for a solid 6 or 7 hours. She says I barely moved all night (and she knows because she didn’t sleep much, making sure I was still breathing) but after that I started eating a little bit, and the next day a bit more. The stabby guy took me off my thyroid meds for a few days, so I was kinda ravenous by then and really wolfed down everything she set in front of me.

Now I’m back to normal—I get my thyroid meds and my appetite is stable—so sometimes I eat when she offers, other times I make her open a fresh can to my liking, and sometimes I’m not all that hungry so I wait for the next meal (which, except for night, is only 3 hours away…old men with thyroid issues get fed a lot.)

And I have to give Buddah some props. You know he’s normally horrible to me (not exaggerating…he’s awful and we don’t get along) but when I felt my worst, he left me alone. He didn’t stalk me, didn’t jump on me, didn’t try to chase me away from my favorite spot on the bed. He was very quiet the whole time, watching, leaving me be and not pestering the people for attention.

In fact, he was how the People decided I was just fine…on the day I walked down the hall, and he started stalking, and then chased me into the room where the Dammit machines live, they knew I was better.

Now…enough about me. Ask questions! I need the work, yo.

I look better, right?

= = =

Now as to question? Hmm, that's a toughie as we are very busy with writing books and what not. OK, here we go, so what will your next book be and is there a book that you really really want to write but haven't had a chance yet.

Another question would is: If you could change books, and be characters in them, too, what would those books be and what characters would you become, and why.

Toodle pips and get well purrs


I’m working on two books right now: another poetry book, and another book in the Wick series. I’ve been lucky in that I’m able to write the books I really want; they truly are for my amusement, and if people like them, too, that’s fantastic.

If I could be a character in one of my own books, I think I’d want to be the Emperor. He’s pretty cool and chicks dig him, even though he’s only interested in one. I know it seems like I would want to be Wick, but I’ve already been a cat and I’ve never been an Emperor.

If I could be a character in someone else’s book? We just read a series of books about a witch and a vampire, and I think I’d want to be the vampire dood. He’s strong and fast, but he’s not all creepy like stereotypical vampires. He’s also super rich, which means I’d have a ton of money for Christmas toys for Toys for Tots.


Naw, dood, nip and a bed is perfectly reasonable. You might not get both, but it’s fine to ask. Maybe you will—it might depend on his much room he has in his sleigh. Human sticky people are his priority…it’s just kinda nice that he thinks of us at all.

I don’t really want anything this year. I have pretty much everything a kitty needs, and then some. If he can do anything for me, it’s to make sure I get to see the New Year’s Doctor Who special. I’m sad it’s not on Christmas Day this year, but I’ll survive the crushing disappointment. But that’s all I really want—to see it.

Max, how do I get my person to stop singing? It hurts my ears.

Dood. I *so* totally get you on this. When the Woman starts singing, I jump in her lap and put my paws over her mouth. It usually works. You might want to make sure they know you were just in the litter box to amplify the message. It’s like, hey. THIS is what I think of the noise you’re making.

Got a question for me?
You can leave it in the comments below,
or drop me an email at

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About the Author ()

Max the Psycho Kitty is 14 pounds of sleek black and white glory. With an attitude ... and opinions ... on everything. He's a put-upon and under-appreciated domestic feline with an addiction to Kitty Crack and an appetite for Stinky Goodness. A pioneer in the Cat Blogosphere, he began his popular blog "The Psychokitty Speaks Out" in October of 2003. Max is the author of SIX blockbuster hit books, "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Diary of a Mad Housecat,", its sequel "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Something of Yours Will Meet a Toothy Death,", "The Rules: A Guide For People Owned By Cats," "Bite Me," "There Once Was a Cat from Nantucket" (a book of poetry), and his new smash hit, "The Emperor of San Francisco [The Wick Chronicles]."

Comments (9)

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  1. Max, we all had worry lines on our foreheads over your illness, so now we'll smooth ourselves out.  We are glad you are better!  

    My plans are to read "The Emperor of San Francisco" over the holiday break.  Is there anything I should know before I dive in?  Tips or storylines that may ease my transition into your book world?

  2. messymimi says:

    Glad you are better.  Any advice for how to get a cat to quit her unprovoked attacks on the dogs? One of the dogs will be lying across the room or in another room and she just runs over and starts in, scares them half to death.

  3. Lennie says:

    Max, how do you trane yer humans to put the sparkly tree balls in the RIGHT SPOT ON THE  TREE? Like, near the bottom where we can reach em? Our woman puts the ugly wood and cardbord ornaments at the bottom, and all the glittery glassy sparkle balls ware we can't reach 'em. I got in a lotta trubbles las year for making the tree go boom on the floor, so I am really stuk in the horns of a dillemma!!! Halp!!!

  4. Marlo says:

    Max, I'm very happy to see that you are feeling better. I don't know how I would get through Monday's without you. 

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