Ask Max Monday: If You Give A Cat A Box…

Ask Max Monday

Deer Max – will there be a book signing anywhere near my house?

Also, will mine boogerhead brother ever stop wandering around the house screaming his bloody head off about nothing?

Book signings require that I leave my house, which I am generally opposed to, so…nope, don’t think it will happen. I’ll sign books, just from the comfort of my own desk. That’s kind of the same, right? You just wind up waiting for it to ne mailed.

And no…your brother is like mine, and will spend the rest of his life whining and yelling about nothing. Someone once turned that into a TV show, so maybe there’s hope he’ll at least be useful at some point.

Hay Max, maybe yoo could help xplane sumthing for me. This week, I peed on a freshly opened box that had a bunch of marketing mateeriuls that The Man is sending to potenshul klients. I thot having the delishus oder of cat pee on them wood make THE MAN stand owt with his potenshul klients– after all, hoo can ferget the ferst time they got sumthing in the male soked in cat pee? Well, The Man did not apeer to agree. He gots the mads at me. I’m just trying to be a good intern an help him owt in his bizniss. WHUT DID I DO RONG?

YOU didn’t do anything wrong. A box that is easily accessed by the cat is a box that is available to the cat, and an available box is going to get peed in. Next time, he should take his krap out of the box to leave room for yours. In fact, he should pay you extra for teaching him a valuable lesson.

MAX! There’s a disagreement here! Our human male let hair grow all over his face and the human female doesn’t like it, and neither do we. How do we get him to get rid of it?

Make it clear to him that having facial hair requires a considerable amount of grooming. And do this by take proactive steps on his behalf. Every chance you get, lick that beard. When he sits, jump in his lap and go for it. When he’s in bed, sit next to his head and groom him. It’ll be a little gross and you’ll get hair in your teeth, but that’s a small price to pay.

Remember, too, that part of grooming for a person is to comb or brush hair, and you can aid in this endeavor with your claws.

Do this for about a week, and he’ll come to understand it’s too much work, and he’ll shave.

Oh, and tell the human female to stop shaving her legs, and then tell him she’ll shave when he does. That really works.


Tags: ,

Category: Ask Max Monday, Featured, Last Week, zzz Previous 3 cat articles

About the Author ()

Max the Psycho Kitty is 14 pounds of sleek black and white glory. With an attitude ... and opinions ... on everything. He's a put-upon and under-appreciated domestic feline with an addiction to Kitty Crack and an appetite for Stinky Goodness. A pioneer in the Cat Blogosphere, he began his popular blog "The Psychokitty Speaks Out" in October of 2003. Max is the author of SIX blockbuster hit books, "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Diary of a Mad Housecat,", its sequel "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Something of Yours Will Meet a Toothy Death,", "The Rules: A Guide For People Owned By Cats," "Bite Me," "There Once Was a Cat from Nantucket" (a book of poetry), and his new smash hit, "The Emperor of San Francisco [The Wick Chronicles]."

Comments (5)

Trackback URL | Comments RSS Feed

  1. Amy says:

    Max, regarding grooming a beard… Did you see this video? 🙂

  2. Ellen Pilch says:

    You always have such great advice.

  3. Max….

    Any idea where we can get kitty sized ear plugs? The mom says it is “football season” again when those guys on tv seem to take forever chasing a ball around a big green field. And man can our mom yell at the TV.


  4. Reno says:

    Hay Max, how many points for peeing on the fether bed that had to be throne out afterwerd, and then peeing on the sleeping bag wich is also gitting throne out?

  5. Patricia Sullivan says:

    Max, the shaving advice really hit the nail on the head! All of your posts are great, but some are over the top, and this was one!!


Get every new post delivered to your Inbox

Join other followers