Ask Max Monday: If You Give A Dog A Treat… (Maybe He Won’t Eat The Cat)

Ask Max Monday Max…. Any idea where we can get kitty sized ear plugs? The mom says it is “football season” again when those guys on tv seem to take forever chasing a ball around a big green field. And man can our mom yell at the TV. THANKS Amazon. Amazon is the answer for everything. If they don’t have it, you probably don’t really need it. Also…you can sneak behind the TV and yank the plug out of the wall. This shuts it up, and people don’t tend to think of the most obvious issue when their precious giant boxes stop working. They panic, assuming it just went dead, and you’ll get a few hours of peace and quiet before they figure it out. Hay Max, how many points for peeing on the fether bed that had to be throne out afterwerd, and then peeing on the sleeping bag wich is also gitting throne out? 2,498 points. But I gotta warn you, dood, at some point you stop getting points and have to start making restitution. Which means you’ll have to get a JOB, and a job cuts into some pretty prime napping time. Max…it hurts when I stretch with my butt in the air. What do I do? Stop doing that. And see the stabby guy. You probably pulled something, and he might be able to give yoi fun drugs for it. Pkay Max I was on your blog and someone asked you what Wick looks like and all you said was “What do you want him to look like?” or something like that. Come on. What DOES Wick look like? He’s like the most important part of your book. The answer I gave was the answer: when you read Emperor, what does your brain tell you Wick looks like? Not telling was a deliberate choice—almost everyone who read it before it was published had a different idea. The Man thought Wick looked like me, because he saw me write the book. The editor thought Wick was a pretty little tabby. A beta reader thought he was a tiny black panther. I did it that way because every kitty reading it should be able to be Wick. So Wick is everykitty, because Wick is awesome. But…he is tiny. So even if someone reads it and thinks he looks like me, he’s half my size. Being that awesome burns a lot of energy. Dear Max, My mom recently passed away and left behind her beautiful black lab, and she’ll have to come live with us. I have 3 cats and they’ve never even seen a dog (but the dog lived with cats until recently.) How did you learn to live with a golden? Aw, man, I am so sorry that your mom is gone. I really am. Learning to live with Hank took some doing. The most important part for me was knowing that he wasn’t going to eat me. I spent a lot of time in the Younger Human’s room (Hank was there first, so I’m the one who didn’t get run of the house at first, and that was fine with me) and when I was let out, Hank was kept on a leash. I think that went on for 3-4 days, until he remembered that he’d once had a cat (she went to the Bridge 6 months before I got there) and that cats were all right. He was never mean to me, but he lunged a lot and that scared me. Once he got over that, he was off leash but never alone with me, not for a couple more weeks. By then I had the run of the house…and I had a lot of high places to get to. That was important—high places. That way I could get up and away from him if I was uncomfortable. If you can keep her on a leash when she’s around the cats at first, and give them time to get used to each other, and make sure they have high places to jump where the dog can’t get to, it should work out. It just takes time and patience. Oh, and I’m also pretty sure that every time the people said “No” when he lunged at me and he obeyed and sat down, he got a treat. Dogs will do anything for treats. Also, they said GOOD BOY! a lot, and dogs like that, too. Food and praise will probably help a lot, too. max-thompson-THE-WICK-CHRONICLES-EMPEROR-SAN-FRANCISCO    

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Category: Ask Max Monday, Featured, Last Week, zzz Previous 3 cat articles

About the Author ()

Max the Psycho Kitty is 14 pounds of sleek black and white glory. With an attitude ... and opinions ... on everything. He's a put-upon and under-appreciated domestic feline with an addiction to Kitty Crack and an appetite for Stinky Goodness. A pioneer in the Cat Blogosphere, he began his popular blog "The Psychokitty Speaks Out" in October of 2003. Max is the author of SIX blockbuster hit books, "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Diary of a Mad Housecat,", its sequel "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Something of Yours Will Meet a Toothy Death,", "The Rules: A Guide For People Owned By Cats," "Bite Me," "There Once Was a Cat from Nantucket" (a book of poetry), and his new smash hit, "The Emperor of San Francisco [The Wick Chronicles]."

Comments (9)

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  1. Sandy says:

    Max, I just finished reading your poetry book. You dictate so well. I was crying by the end though, even though you probably don’t want that. How did the woman manage to type your poems as I assume she often took breaks to laugh or cry?

  2. We decided to ask Fenris about the doggie question since he is a dog. He said you gave good advice, but he wanted to add something. If you sit there calmly and just look at the dog (like you are Queen or King of the Universe, because as a cat you really are) the dog will leave you alone because YOU will scare him to death.

    Fenris’ never chases any of the cats except Scylla, she is the only one daft enough to run from him. Socks taught him the power of the paw when he was a puppy and Fenris’ has respected it ever since.

  3. Max dood. Mine bestest furriend and big brofur, the Orinch Meniss, wented to the Bridge last week and mommy is still crying. Is it ok if I do some of the following to make her feel better:

    1. Start calling her Mom Lady Person like he did – she liked it. Although I like calling her mommy.

    2. Run out of the house whenever the door is opened like he did.

    I would try and sit in the bathtub like he did, because the mom would squeal every time she picked him up because his feets and butt were wet, but I don’t know about actually GETTING wet. So maybe I can just throw water balloons at her? Or dump a bucket or something?

    I would like to feel better too – so I jump on mine other brothers and bite them, but they just go screaming to her. What else can I do to make us all feel better?

  4. Reno says:

    Hay, Max, I have diskuverd I’m a chess prodijey. I can nok down ALL of the little soljers, and put sum of them in back of the teevee. But sumbuddy keeps putting them bak so I have to go nok em bak down agin. It’s gittin annoying. Duz nobuddy respekt my werk?

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