Ask Max Monday: HAPPY NEW YEAR DOODS!

ask-max-newyears

Hello Max,

Me and my human mommy binge watched Dr. Who all day and evening, too. I was nice and let her up to use the litter box room a few times, and to feed me.

It was the BEST! Dr Who and treats all day and evening!

But I have a question.

How many more sleeps till the new season?

Good news! Only, like, 35,079 sleeps until it starts again! Everything I read says “spring 2017” so I figure March or April will be the start of at least 12 episodes. I’m looking forward to it more than my own birthday, and since I turn 16 which means I’m old enough to drive, that’s kinda big.

Dear Max, Im a human but I have three furbabies. Why do cats like to sit in boxes so much? Even boxes that are not big enough for them to lay down in, just sit in them? Why do they do this? And then just stare at me while they are sitting in the box like I am supposed to do something about it? Why?

Barb

There’s only one answer for this, Barb, and the answer is, “because.” There’s no other reason. Just because. We see a box and think, “There’s a box. Should I sit in it? Of course I should. WHY NOT?” There’s no reason not to, so of course we sit in it. Just because.

Now, your kitties are staring at you for two reasons: one, why are you not sitting in a box, too? And two, why are you not getting me a better box?

There’s always a better box.

Get yourself a box to sit in. You’ll understand. In fact, I bet when you were small and sticky, you sat in boxes. And why? BECAUSE!

It’s really not rocket science, unless you get in the box and pretend you’re in a rocket, and then it totally is, which if fine because it’s a lot of fun and you get to go places. In fact, there’s a box in the other room and I am going to go sit in it. Maybe I’ll send myself to outer space. Or I’ll time travel. Or just sit there, because sitting is a fine thing to do.

Max, WTactualF was going on last night? BIG BOOMIES! It ws awful.

Dood, it was totally awful. But every year, people do that, they go outside just before the old year croaks and the new one is born, and they set booming things on fire and go ahhh and oooh and just generally upset the whole neighborhood. I’m just about convinced that these people don’t understand that the new year is a BABY and babies don’t like loud booming things. All they’re doing is starting things off in a scary way, and seriously, we need this new year to not be as scary as last year.

Max, what are your resolutions for this new year?

Eat delicious things, ignore my weight, take better naps, and have more fun than should be legal. I started today with eating bacon. That was super delicious. I’d like more, in fact.

Max…I keep water by my bed, and every night my cat drinks out of it. He has his own water dish, so why?

I think the real question is why do you keep his water cup by your bed?

Sure, he has a water dish…that sits out all day and collects spit and dust and tiny little air cooties. The cup you put out every night has fresh water that hasn’t been contaminated. Plus, you want it, so of course he’s going to drink from it, because that’s what we do.

Maybe you need to borrow a sippy cup from a toddler. Those have lids.

HAPPY NEW YEAR, DOODS!

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About the Author ()

Max the Psycho Kitty is 14 pounds of sleek black and white glory. With an attitude ... and opinions ... on everything. He's a put-upon and under-appreciated domestic feline with an addiction to Kitty Crack and an appetite for Stinky Goodness. A pioneer in the Cat Blogosphere, he began his popular blog "The Psychokitty Speaks Out" in October of 2003. Max is the author of SIX blockbuster hit books, "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Diary of a Mad Housecat,", its sequel "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Something of Yours Will Meet a Toothy Death,", "The Rules: A Guide For People Owned By Cats," "Bite Me," "There Once Was a Cat from Nantucket" (a book of poetry), and his new smash hit, "The Emperor of San Francisco [The Wick Chronicles]."

Comments (8)

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  1. Homer and Reno says:

    OMG Max weer running out of time!!! They sed owr krissmiss tree is going away! We tride to nok it over, but we just made a bunch of balls go broken insted. So we nocked over the ficuss tree. It’s tiny, but thare wuz a LOT of wet blak dert that spilt onto the wite carpit. So can we git points for THAT insted of nocking over the krissmiss tree? We made owr pawprints all over da wall, too.

    We looked evryware for da Sandy Klawz. We klimed in the highest clozets lookin for prezints and we klimed up inside the chimney to see if he got his fat butt stuck in thare. We never saw no Sandy Klawz, but we did gind sum prezints and treets. Is he invidizubul?

  2. Deer Max – why is it wrong that I sleep on Sammy’s head? mommy gets ticked off whenever i do this in the bed. she says there’s plenty of room for all of us, but there’s NOT that much room next to her. Also, when she gets mad at me for that I get under the covers and bite her tummy. wouldn’t you think she would stop getting mad at me?

  3. Mike Hartley says:

    Hi Max,
    It’s Pete.
    My Dad reads your blog to us every day and he laughs his Bu** off, I told him if he enjoys your blog so much he should thank you!
    So here he is:
    Thank you Max for making Mondays funny!
    We appreciate your clever observation and insights into the Feline Mystique!

    Mike and all of the kitties

  4. Izzy says:

    Happy New Year Max and to ebery-1 else 2! You haz a gr8 call-um dat mayx us Laff ebery weeek!

  5. Toffee Ripple Fuzzypants says:

    Max,
    Yoo are furry smart.
    Toffee

  6. Connie says:

    *whispers* Actually, cats are like Time Lords. They have space ships that ended up looking like a box, but it changes to protect itself… so, when a cat sees a box it has to jump in to see if it is theirs. This also explains how cats can go missing within a house and are not seen for hours at a time; they found the right box and are out visiting all of time and space.

  7. Cheryl Nolte says:

    Hi Max,

    My name is Harriet and I’m 9. I have lived with my brofur Ozzy almost my whole life and he is like 10. He was here first. We used to get along really well and and and napped together but then we got to the point where we just did like sometimes napping and just lefted each other alone and and and then he started being more mean to me and started chasing me. That was okay for years cuz Mommy loves us both and he didn’t do it all the time. Now he’s really really mean to me and chases me all the time and and growls and pins me down and corners me and is so mean to me!!!! I always let him eat first and I don’t take up much space and I let him pick the spot on the bed first and I even let mommy pet him too. Why are brofurs so mean to their sisfurs? I’m a nice girl and I love my mommy. Mommy is all upset cuz he’s being such a bully. Please help me understand!

  8. Mistletoe says:

    Dear Max,
    My name is Mistletoe, (no one is really sure why but my HuMom thinks it’s because I was adopted in mid-December and the ladies fostering too many kitties just told her the next name on the list….but that’s another story) and they Stabby Guy says I’m probably about 15. I have some advice for the lady that doesn’t like sharing her water with her kitty. Do what my HuMom does. Well the first step takes planning. (1) You need to check in to a very nice hotel, order room service and then “accidently” bring a tea cup and matching saucer in your suitcase. If you carry a large bag you can substitute a fancy restaurant. Be sure to tip well, even when you don’t steal anything. (2) Every night when you get you glass of water also fill the teacup with fresh water…Just Like Yours….you use ice? Kitty gets ice. You use lemon? (Yuck) but I suppose kitty gets lemon. (3) Set the teacup on the matching saucer in a place beside or close by your water…Not By Kitty’s Food!….we don’t like them together. Any chance our food might get in our water is disgusting! Do you bits of dead meaty stuff floating in you drinks? The saucer under the teacup is important because it will stop you from freaking out about whatever it is that causes water contact with wood to make people freak.

    This teacup method woks all over the house. Cleaning and filling it keeps us (well, me) happy and the pretty cups and plates makes my HuMom happy. If you are dealing with a CatDaddy you can substitute mugs with rude sayings on a coaster from his favorite beer place. But when our water becomes part of the decor, humans seem to remember to clean and fill our cup when they are filling their own. Coffee drinkers seem to find this a good method. Frst they pour their wake-up juice then they pour our water.

    Max, Thanks for all your cat sense advice. Have a great New Year!

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