Ask Max Monday: Hello…?

Ask Max Monday

:::knock knock knock::: everyone?

:::knock knock knock::: everyone?

:::knock knock knock::: everyone?

Y’all out there? You okay? Maybe in a food coma trying to turn the Quarantine 15 into the Quarantine 20? I can see that. I know my people aren’t moving around as much since they’re home all the time now and there have been a few more snacks than usual. Heck, even I got some real live fresh dead shrimp this week for no reason other than Eh, why not…?

So. No questions last week or this, so I’m gonna wing it and just write stuff, and most of it will be whining because FOURTH OF JULY IS AWFUL and I’m not even sure why people think they have to blow everything up just to have a good time.

This year, the Woman was worried about how I would react. People started setting things off a week or so ago and I’ve reacted to it a few times, looking concerned, so last night when things got rolling she set her computer aside and offered me her lap. Buddah darted under the chair by the fireplace and wouldn’t even consider a lap, so I jumped over and started head butting her, sticking my nose up her nostril, until she finally understood: I was not bothered by it all, but it was snack o’clock and I was freaking hungry.

It took her a few minutes, but she finally grasped the message and got up. Buddah, instead of coming into the kitchen to eat, dashed down the hall to hide under the bed because it was getting super loud, like 3-4 times worse than any other year. I scarfed down my food, and like every other year, followed him down the hall and plopped down on the floor by the bed to keep him company.

He was absolutely terrified and there was no convincing him that we were going to be perfectly fine.

Somewhere around 11, there was a lull and the Woman peeked under the bed to tell him it was all right, so he decided it was a good time to eat. She went with him, which was a good thing, because as soon as he was on the counter and had taken a bite, it started up again. She had to stand there super close, promising him it was okay, and she had to pet him with every -boom- to keep him eating.

As soon as he was done…back under the bed.

Doods, I get it. People want to celebrate and fireworks are pretty. But there’s got to be a better way, and they need to make silent fireworks more of a thing, because all the noise just is not cool. Hundreds of thousands of animals are terrified every year because of it, the smoke can be toxic, and some birds will literally drop dead from it all. How is this fun?

Buddah was all right by morning, but only because we stayed up most of the night with him.

Seriously, there has to be a better way to celebrate the 4th.

= = =

(This was written late on the 5th…hence the “last night.)

Got a question for me? You can leave it in the comments or email me at

askmaxmonday -at- gmail dot com.

Category: Ask Max Monday, Featured

About the Author ()

Max the Psycho Kitty is 14 pounds of sleek black and white glory. With an attitude ... and opinions ... on everything. He's a put-upon and under-appreciated domestic feline with an addiction to Kitty Crack and an appetite for Stinky Goodness. A pioneer in the Cat Blogosphere, he began his popular blog "The Psychokitty Speaks Out" in October of 2003. Max is the author of SIX blockbuster hit books, "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Diary of a Mad Housecat,", its sequel "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Something of Yours Will Meet a Toothy Death,", "The Rules: A Guide For People Owned By Cats," "Bite Me," "There Once Was a Cat from Nantucket" (a book of poetry), and his new smash hit, "The Emperor of San Francisco [The Wick Chronicles]."

Comments (4)

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  1. It was like a war zone around here, Max…and for days and days!
    Fortunately, the cats weren’t too bothered, but I did worry about The PO’M, who lives outside. He seemed fine, however.
    Fireworks are polluting, noisy, and completely unnecessary…their time has come and gone, imho.

  2. KesterGayle says:

    Poor Buddah! I hope he’s feeling better.

    For 3 nights in a row we had hours and hours of what sounded like mortar fire in our neighborhood. From 4pm or so until well after midnight, it was horrible. We had the house closed up with lots of fans on to buffer the sound, but the poor kitties still were wild-eyed and upset every evening. The expense, the fire hazards, the pollution, the trauma to people and animals isn’t worth it in my opinion. Can’t we celebrate quietly? It’s time to rethink this…

  3. Hnossa says:

    Hnossa here, Max. Still waiting for the human plague to go away so I can get my superpowers.

    It was like a war zone here for more than a week. I’m pretty good about the booms, but some were so loud the house shook!
    When the house is shaking, I’m going to the basement to hide, just like when the tornado things are around.

    Humans are crazier than usual this year. Did they lose their hearing due to the human plague?

    Glad you were helping Buddha get through the madness, Max. Hopefully the booms will stop soon.

  4. Purrjamm says:

    Our mom doesn’t like anything that goes “boom”. She too has ultra-sensitive hearing and loud noises are highly discouraged in our house…unless of course it’s one of us singing the song of our people at 3am. MOL. So sorry to hear it was crazy fireworks at your pad, sucks! When will people just start acting like cats! Cats rule! Stay safe and keep cool. Purrs

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