Ask Max Monday: House Rule-Don’t Be Mean

Ask Max Monday

um Dood, you scairt the crap out of me and I was not near the litter box. Who is going to help clean it up?

Also, why do I haf to actually GET OFF THE BED at any time during the day?

You have a people, that’s who will clean up the crap. I mean, that’s what they’re for, right?

And you DO NOT HAVE TO GET OFF THE BED. Ever. Well, maybe to eat and use the litterbox, but other than that, it’s yours to sleep on. In fact, the bed should only be half made, so that you have your choice of sleeping on the sheets or sleeping on the bedspread.

If your designated person fails to grasp that? Well…I was gonna tell you to poop on the pillow but it sounds like you’ve got that part covered.

We got a questions…the other night the mom was watching a show on Animal Planet. The guy on the TV said something she didn’t agree with and she yelled back. Does she really think he can hear her???
Random Felines

From what I’ve observed here: yes, yes she does think the guy in the TV can hear her. The Woman frequently talks to the TV, and she’s kind of rude about it. Just the other day she told some talking head to shut up. See? Rude.

I don’t mind sometimes, though, because she says what I’m thinking. Like, watching Doctor Who, someone needs to yell at him to watch for the Dalek or Cyberman coming up behind him. He’s the Doctor, though, so I’m pretty sure he can hear.

I like all your books but would love another by Max- his words.

I’d like to do another one, but I may have hit market saturation with my non-fiction. Though once I get through the 4th Wick book, I may do something on my observations of the human condition. (Hint: people are in not so good condition, and they like Cheetos too much.)

When is it coming out? I’m dyyyyyyyyyyyying to get it.

Mid-May, I think. The editor has it right now. She’s kind of mean, so I might need a few days to lick my wounds after I get her notes back.

Dear Max,

Mine dad thinks it’s funny to make us jump. He likes to make noises when we’re minding our own business to see if it scares us. Mine mom doesn’t like it. She says if you say it’s mean, she gets to tell him she’s expecting a sticky person to get even and she won’t tell him she’s not for a while. They’re 45 so it would be a big deal. Is it harmless or is it mean?

Dood, you know the answer to this, because you’re the one on the jumping end of it. You jump BECAUSE YOU’RE SCARED. That’s not just mean, it’s SUPER MEAN. And not mean with a cape, just really mean. I mean, there’s actually a rule in this house: never, ever do something to scare the kitties, because it’s not funny to THEM. Now, they’ll laugh if we jump because something else scared us, but they always apologize and try to make us feel better.

Still…it’s just as not nice for your mom to tell your dad that. What if deep down it makes him happy? And then she has to say “TaDa, it was just a joke?” His heart will be broken.

If she really wants to drive the point home, she needs to tell him that if he does it again on purpose, she’s going to slather his junk with menthol cream. And if he still does it…there’s a much bigger thing going on that I can’t help with.

TL;DR: scaring the kitties is mean.


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About the Author ()

Max the Psycho Kitty is 14 pounds of sleek black and white glory. With an attitude ... and opinions ... on everything. He's a put-upon and under-appreciated domestic feline with an addiction to Kitty Crack and an appetite for Stinky Goodness. A pioneer in the Cat Blogosphere, he began his popular blog "The Psychokitty Speaks Out" in October of 2003. Max is the author of SIX blockbuster hit books, "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Diary of a Mad Housecat,", its sequel "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Something of Yours Will Meet a Toothy Death,", "The Rules: A Guide For People Owned By Cats," "Bite Me," "There Once Was a Cat from Nantucket" (a book of poetry), and his new smash hit, "The Emperor of San Francisco [The Wick Chronicles]."

Comments (2)

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  1. Angel and Miss Toffelees says:

    Max, we completely agree. Scaring the kitties is mean.

  2. Tripper says:



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