Ask Max Monday: I Am a Raggedy Man…

Ask Max Monday

O Wise Max,

This is Dot and I have suffered an indignity…momma gave me a bath. Like you, I’m an oldster (I turn twenty in a few weeks). Momma said I wasn’t smelling “fresh” even though my many white parts looked clean. Well, duh, I must be cleaning myself…but no…she says that’s an indication of her housekeeping skills (as if!). Have you had to suffer these indignities with age? Also, parts of my furs looks “feathery” instead of smooth. Do you have that too? I want a bit of revenge too but can’t think of anything won’t end up with me at the stabby place (so well placed poo or barf is out!). Thanks Max!

Oh yeah, I know what you mean. I haven’t been given a bath yet, but I heard the Woman mention buying pet wipes a while back and I figure it’s a matter of time before they come out. I mean, I try to bathe properly but I’m not as flexible as I used to be and I probably miss a few things.

But the big thing with me is my fur. I’ve even started letting the People brush me, and I used to bite them when they did. But my furs just don’t look as smooth and silky as they did and now the Woman calls me her Raggedy Man (which is okay because the 11th Doctor was called Raggedy Man by Amy and I always liked that.)

I guess as we get older we just have to put up with things. I don’t poop on anything because, yeah, that means the stabby place now…even though Buddah poops on the floor right outside the litter box like EVERY DAY and no one take him there. They just slapped down puppy pads and asked him to confine it to that room and no where else. If I did that, I’d wind up going where no kitty wants to go.

Though…if I did, they’d just think it was Buddah, and then blame him.

Ohhhh I know of a pillow I can get to…

= = =

Hi Max! Sasha here. I have a question for you.

Every time mom watches this video, she says she busts a gut laughing (sounds really painful and gross to me, but…whatever). Anyway, after watching it with her, I asked her, very politely mind you, for some milk. She said no, that it was not good for kitties. What do you think?

PS – I am a Bengal just like Carl and Steve if that makes a difference.

https://twitter.com/dodo/status/1217197531014279170

Snuggles and purrs,

Sasha

Hahahahaha that’s awesome. And no, we shouldn’t have milk, but maybe they were drinking kitty milk? If it’s cow’s milk, the result might have made their people wish they’d gotten something else. Like, a bigger litter box and industrial strength litter. And kitty immodium.

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MAX WHY THEY GOTTA CHANGE THE TIME AGAIN? I HEARD MY DAD SAY ITS COMING NEXT WEEKEND. WHAT’S WRONG WITH THE OLD TIME???

Who knows? It’s a people thing. I let them worry about it because other than adjusting my food time, it doesn’t really affect me. And lately, food time is whenever I tell them I’m hungry, so it all works for me.

Now, I know the Woman is looking forward to the time change because she’s night blind and likes having it still light at in the early evening, instead of the way it is during winter when she has to be home by 4:30 to make sure she can still see. It also means that until the weather gets too hot, she can take bike rides later in the day, and dood, let me tell you, if she doesn’t get to go outside and play she gets extra cranky.

The thing that makes me laugh is when someone says they get more daylight because the time is changing. Doods, you get the same amount of daylight; only the clock is changed. But if I had my way, the world would stay on Daylight Saving Time, even if they’re not saving anything, because it means windows open later in the day, happier people, and they sweat more when they ride their bikes later afternoons. Have you ever licked a person after they’ve taken a long, bike ride? They’re like fleshy little salt licks.

The downside…listening to them whine about not being able to remember how to change the clocks in their cars. Like, you think they would remember to write it down, but…

Yeah. People.

= = =

Got a question? Drop me a line at askmaxmonday@gmail.com or leave it in the comments here.

Category: Ask Max Monday, Featured

About the Author ()

Max the Psycho Kitty is 14 pounds of sleek black and white glory. With an attitude ... and opinions ... on everything. He's a put-upon and under-appreciated domestic feline with an addiction to Kitty Crack and an appetite for Stinky Goodness. A pioneer in the Cat Blogosphere, he began his popular blog "The Psychokitty Speaks Out" in October of 2003. Max is the author of SIX blockbuster hit books, "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Diary of a Mad Housecat,", its sequel "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Something of Yours Will Meet a Toothy Death,", "The Rules: A Guide For People Owned By Cats," "Bite Me," "There Once Was a Cat from Nantucket" (a book of poetry), and his new smash hit, "The Emperor of San Francisco [The Wick Chronicles]."

Comments (2)

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  1. messymimi says:

    You don’t have to remember how to change the clock in the car, it’s in the owners manual in the glove box. Remind them that that’s why the teacher taught them to read.

    Thanks again for the wonderful, insightful, and entertaining answers~

  2. The trick, Max, would be pooing when Buddah is around, then the hoomans won’t know it’s you!

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