Ask Max Monday: I CAN Say That, and I Will…

Ask Max Monday

Those pants should be illegal, Max!
Here’s my question: Why can’t you talk Buddah into barfing on those pants, so they are ruined and must me dispatched to the Great Pants God in the sky? That will teach her…*evil grin*

It wouldn’t do any good to have him hork on them. Aside from having a washing machine…SHE HAS THREE PAIR OF THOSE PANTS. One on purpose, two on accident (mistake in shipping, the company said she could keep them, like they were doing her a favor.) I keep hoping they’re a Halloween costume, but my gut says they’re just clothes.

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Hi Max!
YIKES! Those pant are ugly.
I wrote to you last year about Halloween plastic spiders. Our human gets
them for us to play with. We bat them around and chase them. Scare the humans! You said you wanted some. Did you get any??

Paxx & Rosie

Nope, I never did get any plastic spiders. I don’t even remember the last time I got anything to play with. I mean, I don’t really play anymore, but it’s the principle of the thing. I should get stuff I want! I’m old. HUMOR ME, PEOPLE!

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Dear Max
Clearly we do not want more scary pants—or trousers as we in the UK say— so here is a question for you: What are your 5 best/favourite electrical appliances and why?
Purrs
Erin

Hmm.

I don’t think I have a favorite. I mean, I have humans, and they function as pretty much everything I need. The Woman is an excellent can opener, so she might be the closest thing to an appliance that I need.

There’s the grill in the back yard that cooks my steaks every week, but it’s not electric. It’s propane.

Ohhhh and yesterday I got a fresh steak and it is TASTY. I even got to eat some in my very own bedroom.

That’s right, doods, I have my very own bedroom.

There’s not a bed in there, but there’s a big sofa and a little sofa and it’s just right for me.

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Power outages are awful, after a hurricane it can be weeks. You are right about not wanting it to happen again.

Meanwhile, do you have any suggestions for getting the cats to quit sleeping on the clean laundry? It’s husband’s job to put it away, and he leaves it sit a while, and i need a way to make it unattractive to pets. Or am i doomed to wearing nothing but fuzzy clothes forever?

You say fuzzy clothes like it’s a bad thing.

Embrace the fuzz! Wear it with honor and pride!

Or, maybe, have him turn the laundry basket upside down so the cats can’t get into it. The stuff that winds up on the floor might get a little messed up but the rest should be okay. Or have him toss down a towel first.

But really…just wear that fuzz with glee. It means you have furry creatures that trust you enough to share their coats.

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hi hi wise and wonderful Max

Seeing its almost Kissiemouse time, wez trying to figure out what to buy our purrents..do you buy them gifts or make homemade ones..like maybe a hairball in shape of a hat or mittens?  We was thinking of using de human mans credit cards an maybe order from Amazon..what do you think?

Your Canuck Fans

Oakley and Sugar

Amazon is always a great idea because they have everything. I have been known to peruse their massive website and order a thing or two, and it’s super easy and the bill goes to someone else.

Sometimes I buy my people gifts, but they prefer I don’t. They have everything they need, and they have me, so what else could I get them that means anything?

Buddah will make them something this year. It’ll probably be warm and wet and right outside the bedroom door when they get up in the morning.

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I know you like the Doctor but, did you catch the Monty Python marathon?  What a neat break from all the usual crap! 

Your friend Gracie

THERE WAS A MARATHON? I missed it! I don’t even know what channel it was on!

Someone should have told me. Someone who lives here. Someone whose mother was a hamster and father smelt of elderberries…

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Oh, my eyes, my eyes! Ok, me and my mum have a question…just get the Woman to change the pants!

I have lots of feathery fur flying far and fetching up all over the furniture and stuff. My mom has been brushing me every day, but it still flies and she is Not Happy. Other than cutting it all off like the woman does once a year, and I’m NOT up with that, what can we do???

Miz Furbie and her parent

Miz Erin

Sometimes my fur does that and it’s usually because of what I’m eating. If I’m not getting enough wet food, my fur flies. If I get enough, it flies a little less. It’s even less if I eat higher quality wet food. Or butter. It might be my imagination, but when I’ve licked a butter knife, my fur gets all silky. And by butter knife, I mean the actual contain of butter when the people aren’t looking.

There you go.

Eat butter.

It makes your poop shoot out easy, too.

(The Woman is all YOU CAN’T SAY THAT and she wants me to add that if you get brushed regularly and your diet is good, and your shedding seems a bit too much, you might need to see the stabby person to see if something is out of whack.)

((She might be right, but butter totally does make your poop shoot right out. Aim right and you can hit the wall behind the litter box.))

(((=SPLAT=)))

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Doods. You thought the pants last week were bad?

She’s going to walk IN PUBLIC is something else. Like, with a few hundred people around her. For a charity thing. EVERYONE WILL SEE HER IN THESE.

Bast help me.

I live with her.

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Got a question? Drop me a line at askmaxmonday@gmail.com or leave it in the comments here.

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About the Author ()

Max the Psycho Kitty is 14 pounds of sleek black and white glory. With an attitude ... and opinions ... on everything. He's a put-upon and under-appreciated domestic feline with an addiction to Kitty Crack and an appetite for Stinky Goodness. A pioneer in the Cat Blogosphere, he began his popular blog "The Psychokitty Speaks Out" in October of 2003. Max is the author of SIX blockbuster hit books, "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Diary of a Mad Housecat,", its sequel "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Something of Yours Will Meet a Toothy Death,", "The Rules: A Guide For People Owned By Cats," "Bite Me," "There Once Was a Cat from Nantucket" (a book of poetry), and his new smash hit, "The Emperor of San Francisco [The Wick Chronicles]."

Comments (4)

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  1. “Embrace the fuzz!” Truer words were never spoken, Max!
    Ya know, I go for lots of color too, but those pants for the charity event kinda made me throw up in my mouth…
    Maybe it they were called ‘britches’ instead of pants or trousers, she’d get embarrassed…hmmm…

  2. messymimi says:

    Gracious, and i thought the first pair was, shall we say, not exactly easy on the eyes.

    What kind of charity needs her to wear those pants, or do i want to know?

    Max, what is your very favorite toy of all time

  3. Jane says:

    I would like to ask if did you ever use a cat inhaler? I am still choosing one for my Burmese cat.

  4. Erin the Cat says:

    With pants like those others, Max, your staff may be arrested!
    Do you have a fall back position in case of such an eventuality?
    Purrs
    ERin

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