Ask Max Monday: I’m Back!

Ask Max Monday

Hello hello hello! Am Sun Kawnure! Am bird! Like to scream scream scream! I lives with four kats! Every morning I takes one kibble from the kats to chew chew chew! Should I pay for kibble? Want birdseed? Do I give kats birdseed?

I think with four cats in the house, and they haven’t eaten you, they probably don’t mind that you get a piece of kibble every day. There’s enough to go around. But if you want to pay them back for it, just sing for them, a nice song every now and then that lets them know you appreciate them.

Now, they might enjoy playing with your birdseed, scattering it around, but your people might have a problem with that.

So, hey, give it a try. The people will get over it.

Will the two latest Wick books eventually be Kindle Unlimited books?

Short answer: maybe. Long answer: I don’t know.

Until recently, all my books were available in KU, but the editor decided now was a good time to go wide (releasing them into wide distribution to all booksellers) because, honestly, KU has really done a number on most writers’ income. I’m kind of upset at how big a dent it put in things. Where I get a few bucks from every book sold, with KU I get less than $0.0043 per page read. People download, but if they don’t get all the way to the end, I don’t get paid.

So. We took them out of KU. That doesn’t mean we won’t put them back at some point. I mean, it’s not like I *need* the money, but my royalties go for Toys for Tots and a couple other charities, and we’re not stuffing the back of the car with nearly as many toys as we used to, even though just as many people are getting the books.

You can be sure that if it turns out most of my readers were getting them using KU, we’ll put them back in.

Dear Max, our cat, Max, is now 19. My mother has been giving him cream. She says she uses it give him his medicine. I always heard that dairy was bad for cats. What do you think?

Cats are typically lactose intolerant, but if your cat isn’t having issues with it and it works to get the medicine into her, you might as well stick to it. And you gotta figure, at 19, if a kitty wants something, he should get it. There might be some farting, but as long as it doesn’t seem to bother him and he’s not having soft stools, an old guy should get what he wants.

I get steak every freaking night to get my meds into me. It works for me, and I love it.

The other night, the Woman turned to the Man and said, “Let’s go get Taco Bell, and on the way back we can pick up a steak for the cat.” The Man was all, WTF? but you can be sure, I got my steak.

It’s the perks of being old.

Just check the litter box. If all is well, let him have the cream.

Deer Max

how wonderfur was the Wedwink of the humans ..wez bet it was wonderfur..did they bring you any numnums from the party?

your furend from Canada

Oakley and Sugar

I didn’t get to go, but I’ve seen pictures, and doods…it was amazing and beautiful and AWESOME. I didn’t get any of the noms because the Woman thought they’d go bad in her purse (SHE HAD A PURSE, DOODS! It’s like the most girly thing she’s ever done!) but I heard about them. CHICKEN. They had some really good chicken and a bunch of other snacks, like cheese and fruit and tiny pies.

I can’t post any pictures (because they’re on a honeymoon and the bride should get to post pictures of herself first) but she was BEAUTIFUL in her dress, and she’s already super beautiful. And the Younger Human was wicked handsome in his suit and tie. THE WOMAN EVEN CRIED. Girly thing #2.

The most fun the People had was watching the Younger Human and his friends dance…they got a lot of video, and it was pretty funny. He didn’t just dance with his new wife, he danced with his buds, too, like with two of them at a time and there was some questionable gyrating going on. I think alcohol was involved.

We showed Buddah the pictures, and it clicked. He’s always thought of the Younger Human as The Other Dad, and now he’s excited because we have The Other Mom.

Seriously…I don’t know if there were ever two people more meant for each other. I can’t wait to see the official video of the wedding.

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Category: Ask Max Monday, Featured

About the Author ()

Max the Psycho Kitty is 14 pounds of sleek black and white glory. With an attitude ... and opinions ... on everything. He's a put-upon and under-appreciated domestic feline with an addiction to Kitty Crack and an appetite for Stinky Goodness. A pioneer in the Cat Blogosphere, he began his popular blog "The Psychokitty Speaks Out" in October of 2003. Max is the author of SIX blockbuster hit books, "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Diary of a Mad Housecat,", its sequel "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Something of Yours Will Meet a Toothy Death,", "The Rules: A Guide For People Owned By Cats," "Bite Me," "There Once Was a Cat from Nantucket" (a book of poetry), and his new smash hit, "The Emperor of San Francisco [The Wick Chronicles]."

Comments (3)

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  1. Oh Wise Max, you’ve done it again today! Excellent advice!

  2. aurelia says:

    Max I am almost a teenager and the human gives me a little milk sometimes. I also get the Creamy Delights Fancy Feasts which I ONLY eat the creamy sauce off of and the Fancy Feast people say it’s just a little dairy so it’s fine.

    The human thinks “Creamy Delights” sounds dirty and she thinks the sauce looks gross. Two reasons it’s one of my favorite kinds to eat!

    Also I am only six pounds and the foster lady said I can pretty much have whatever I want if I’ll eat it. Does anyone know where I can get an empanada?

  3. Reno says:

    Hay Max, we had a cupple of kreechers called GOTES at our house last week. They were big and made funny noises, but I kinda liked them. But they wint away after they ate all the weeds. So my qweschuns are: Why don't they berry thare poop? Why do they fart and belch so much? Why do they eat weeds and not hold out for steak or temptashuns?  


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