Ask Max Monday: I’M GONNA BE EIGHTEEN!!!

Ask Max Monday

Hello, Max, this is Horizon, and you always have such great answers that I thought I would talk things over with you.

My Dad is the only person on earth I trust, ‘cause that lady he keeps around is the one who gives me medicine and takes me to the V-E-T.

Anyway, they are planning to go away for a week for something they do every year they call “vacation.” It always involves one of the other people in the house coming in here (I live in their bedroom and got so scared last time I left that I won’t make that mistake again) and taking care of the food and water and litter. It scares me so much I spend the whole week under the bed except to eat and use the box, and when they get back I spend another week under there just to punish Dad for leaving.

My question is, is there anything I can do to prevent them from leaving, and if not, is there anything they can do to help me not be so scared while they are gone?


Well, the only things that would make them stay home aren’t happy things, so I really don’t recommend trying to thwart their vacation.

It might help if you were more familiar with the person who comes in to feed you. If possible, spend more time with them while your people are present. Just have them all sit on the floor with you and let you sniff the newby all over, and then see if you’ll take a treat or two. It’s always easier when the person seeing to your needs is someone you’re comfortable with.

If that’s not enough, they could leave some music on low (so as not to disturb other people in the house) or even a TV.

I am highly motivated by food so that usually works with me. New people come in, they give me treats, or they open a can for me while the Woman is right there, and I’m cool with it. That doesn’t keep me from being annoyed, but it helps.

And if nothing else…it’s only a week. I know it seems like forever to you, but you’ll be okay. They’re coming back, and they’ll make I up to you.

Demand real live fresh dead shrimp upon their return. That always makes me feel better.

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Thanks Max, the stick folk sound a bit strange to me, and if they not edible—like cheesy bread sticks, then sounds like no point trying.
Anyways, it’s raining here now, and has been for the last few days, non stop. What do you do for entertainment on such a day?

I pass time on bad weather days the same way I do when it’s nice out: long naps, lots of food, lap time, watching TV, and reading with the Woman. The only real difference is that when it’s nice, the door is often open, so I might spend some time there, sniffing the fresh air. But otherwise…yep, same old same old.

People are more put out by bad weather than I am. They whine about not being able to go out and ride their bikes or wandering around downtown Wherever, and they whine about it being too hot or too cold for trips to the amusement park or motorcycle rides. Someday they’ll learn. Staying home with the giant TV, all the books, and all the foods can’t be beat.

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Max, I don’t have a question, I just wanted to tell you that my dad reads Ask Max Monday to me and he says it;s one of the high points of our week, it’s about the only thing that makes Mondays tolerable.
(Although since dad retired last year Mondays are better)
I now have full time staff and can get cuddles and petting anytime I want them!
Purrs to you and your family,
Pete, The Girls and the Formerly Feral Kitties

Tell your dad he has excellent taste! In fact, make him sit really close to the screen.

That’s it.

A little closer.

Now, push his so his head bangs on it.

I was totally doing it on the other side. Consider him head-bonked.

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Max, I shared your post about Larry The Downing St. Cat on my FB page, and not only did my friends enjoy the story, they also liked the name ‘Mousebreath’! Think I’ll repost more of your articles; you have a unique take on life!

I’d like to take credit for all the awesomeness that Mousebreath is, but truly I am just the Feline Life Coach and only write the Ask Max Monday column. The magazine is the brainchild of our marvelous Editor In Chief, Karen Nichols (not the Woman, who is also named Karen, like the memes…)

And thanks for sharing stuff—there’s a lot of great things on Mousebreath and everyone should see them!

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Dear Max, do you ever think about after you’re gone? With a 20-yr. old cat I think about that. What will it be like? What if you do not like it? We  all have an idea of what’s like but what do you think? Sorry to bring up sad topic but I really like to know what you think.

I’ve written quite a bit on my views of the end of life and what comes next. If you haven’t read it before, take a peek at a column I wrote many years ago to answer the question of a sweet kitty who was facing his trip to the Rainbow Bridge, titled No Tears In Heaven.

I ponder it a lot more these days, given my age. But all in all, it’s not a thing I dread. I am at peace with the idea that I’ll be trotting off sooner rather than later, though I’m in no hurry to get there. And I’m at peace because I think the next step is glorious, and it will be whatever we need it to be.

And I’ll get to see my friends! That’s always a warm thought.

But click through and read what I told Hershey. It’s what I think, and what I know.

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Category: Ask Max Monday, Featured

About the Author ()

Max the Psycho Kitty is 14 pounds of sleek black and white glory. With an attitude ... and opinions ... on everything. He's a put-upon and under-appreciated domestic feline with an addiction to Kitty Crack and an appetite for Stinky Goodness. A pioneer in the Cat Blogosphere, he began his popular blog "The Psychokitty Speaks Out" in October of 2003. Max is the author of SIX blockbuster hit books, "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Diary of a Mad Housecat,", its sequel "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Something of Yours Will Meet a Toothy Death,", "The Rules: A Guide For People Owned By Cats," "Bite Me," "There Once Was a Cat from Nantucket" (a book of poetry), and his new smash hit, "The Emperor of San Francisco [The Wick Chronicles]."

Comments (6)

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  1. Oh Max, wishing you a very happy 18th birthday celebration! I didn’t know about ‘Mousebreath’, etc. so I’ve learned something there! And oh, by the way, I’ve not watched a single “Dr. Who” episode, although I read one written by Neil Gaiman in his book, “Trigger Warning”, and I liked it!

  2. Ashley Wednesday says:

    Happy freaking birthday indeed! Lookin good for 18.

  3. Roberta says:

    Hi Max! The Mom reads your Ask Max column to us every Monday, and we enjoy it very much. We wanted to wish you a very Happy Birthday and many more! Love, Jessica, Danni, Alex, Willow, Joey and Cassi

  4. Mighty Kitty says:

    Happy happy Birthday to my previous Max! I am finally getting to post again. I can actually see it too! Have a wonderful, exciting, and totally awesome birthday! You are still the handsomest and smartest kitty ever! Hugs and chin scritches,
    Mighty Kitty

  5. Mary McNeil says:

    Happy purrthday, Max ! And many more !

  6. Turtle Lover says:

    First -Happy Birthday to Max!
    although I have read it before … I appreciate your link about the Rainbow Bridge as I needed to help one of my kitties there this past weekend.
    Lots of tears…. so thank you for good timing.
    Now… here is a question from one of the cats:
    Dear Max,
    Box day is near and my mom no longer allows me to have any boxes.
    I like to sit in them and pee. This makes her go all kinds of crazy.
    I never get to have any box fun like the other kitties I read about.
    (BACK STORY: I am around 3 years old .. I was adopted about 8 months ago and I have a sister cat who was adopted about 6 months ago. Sister cat chases me around sometimes but I think it’s mostly in fun .. but I’m not sure.) Is there anything I can do or have my mom do that would help me enjoy box day with the rest of my friends?
    Skittles the Cat


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