Ask Max Monday: I’m Just Gonna Sit Here

Ask Max Monday

…and stare.

I see you there, staring back at me, wondering where the heck this week's column is.

Either than or you're admiring my wonderous beauty. But I'm betting it's the column thing. Since there were no questions this week, you're gonna have to settle for me sitting here staring at you.

It'll give you a taste of the Woman's life of late. That's what I've been doing to her. I sit on the arm of her chair and stare. At first, it annoyed her so much that she'd get up and go into the office. Now, though, she ignores me. I don't give up, though. I've sat here for almost two hours, just staring.

She doesn't like it any more than she did when I started doing it, but she can tolerate it now. And eventually, it ends in me getting fed, so I don't have a reason to stop. Oh, she says she was going to feed me anyway, that it was time, but I know better. It's a battle, and I'm winning.

Oh, and just a reminder, doods. In 3 days the sticky people are going to be running around your neighborhood, ringing doorbells and threatening your people for snacky treats. Do no engage them. When sticky people participate in this, they're not reasonable and they might pull your tail, or worse. THEY'LL HUG YOU. Just go hide until it's over. Leave your people to fend and defend their own selves.

It's Halloween, and it's every cat for himself.

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Category: Ask Max Monday, Featured

About the Author ()

Max the Psycho Kitty is 14 pounds of sleek black and white glory. With an attitude ... and opinions ... on everything. He's a put-upon and under-appreciated domestic feline with an addiction to Kitty Crack and an appetite for Stinky Goodness. A pioneer in the Cat Blogosphere, he began his popular blog "The Psychokitty Speaks Out" in October of 2003. Max is the author of SIX blockbuster hit books, "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Diary of a Mad Housecat,", its sequel "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Something of Yours Will Meet a Toothy Death,", "The Rules: A Guide For People Owned By Cats," "Bite Me," "There Once Was a Cat from Nantucket" (a book of poetry), and his new smash hit, "The Emperor of San Francisco [The Wick Chronicles]."

Comments (6)

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  1. Ashley Wednesday says:

    It's your wonderous beauty for sure.

  2. Gosh, that stare was kitten 101, but boy does it work… well most times. Just every now and then Mrs H stubbornly refuses to get up, but then 2am is a tad early, so we compromise and I hold off till 4:30 then Mrs H will get up. Us cats really could teach humans a thing or nine, but if we did we'd never get what we want, MOL

    Toodle pips


    PS. Heres a question for you. We are having the palace modified a possible new wing, and the kitchen done over. I'm not sure what it did to warrant that but apparently, it's all the rage. Now, what would be your favourite top ten alterations to your home or palace? Maybe top ten alterations to your staff, too!

  3. Fantastic, Max!

    Are you planning to add a whappy paw to your neverending stare?  Methinks it might earn some extra treats or food!

  4. messymimi says:

    Your stare causes food to appear — wow, great talent!

  5. Jana says:

    Max, lets play da prise iz rite. Wut do you fink its wurf to da fud lady vat I don't skrach her new cowch? She a liddle too happeh wif it. 

    I alreddy standed on da cowner all morning making eye contack to remine her its innernashunul cat day. I did not get no rotussery chucken like I aksed for, so I fink dat cowsh is ded meeet.


  6. Puddzee Pye says:

    Max of Awesome Stares,

    Mommy took me to the shabby place for what she calls a mani/pedi and oil spot for me. This time she brought with sticky strips and a stamped envelope. The assistant shabby girl who gives me the mani/pedi and oil spot( for ticks and fleas, as if those filthy vermin would dare touch me) took one sticky strip and pressed it down my back towards my tail and the ripped it off! Then she did the same with another sticky strip. You should have seen all my glorious shiny fur stuck to them! They then put the furry strips into the envelope and dropped it in the mail! Now some unknown being has my glorious shiny fur! It was a loud horrible noise after already having my perfectly sharpened nails being clipped off. Mommy and assistant shabby person talked about that being the first kitty DNA collection they've done. What's DNA, Max? Why do they want it? Will I see my glorious shiny fur again? Has anyone done that to you, Max? 

    Your Fan,

    Puddzee Pye


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