Ask Max Monday: ISO Noah

Ask Max Monday

Hi, Max.
Mrs H is and has been threatening to move the Palace lock stock and barrel to other parts of the UK, somewhere cold and snowy by the sound of it–Scotland! Not sure how; maybe some anti-gravity device and float it up there, dodging air traffic control. Anyhows what would your advice be for the cat princess who will be uprooted to deal with the matter, assuming said princess would rather just add a conservatory/sunroom to the said Palace rather than move?

PS, did your lodger get a good deal on the JEEP?

In my experience, the cats never get a say in moving or relocating or redecorating or anything, even though they’re the ones most disrupted by it all. Since you won’t get a vote, if it happens you just have to roll with the tide. And by roll, I mean pee on everything they love and poop in inappropriate places. It won’t change her mind, but you’ll feel better.

And no, Buddah didn’t get a Jeep. He doesn’t even have his driver’s license yet…he won’t be able to for two more years. So he might have enough time to save for one.

= = =

Hi, my name is Nemo and I am a large black cat, also known as the House Panther or the Nemonator.  I’m just about 9 years old and live alone with my mom.  I had sisters but they went over the Bridge a while ago and Mom is concerned about my being alone for up to 13 or 14 hours a day while she’s at work (Mom works really hard and the commute in the Bay area is terrible).  Mom’s started making noise about maybe getting a getting a “buddy” for me.  I’m okay with that but the sisters were close to my ago if not older.  If she gets me a buddy, should she find a buddy to bring into our home closer to my age or drive me crazy with a younger cat?  I’m an impressive guy, weighing in at about 18 pounds and look very scary, but I’m not, I’m really a very mellow dude.  Thanks, Max! 

I think no matter what, a new cat is gonna drive you crazy. It’s an adjustment. I think if you were my age and the Woman was contemplating this, she would get a pair of younger cats. One, so they would keep each other amused, and two, if I just didn’t care for them, they would still have each other. But you’re middle aged so it could go either way.

I’m not sure what the right answer is, but she thinks she would get a cat close to your age in the hopes that after all the hissing died down, you’d become fast friends.

She hoped that with Buddah and me, though, and look what happened. My life was ruined. Or at least inconvenienced. He kinda sucks.

You’re mellow so maybe she should bring home the cat that seems to need her the most, young or middle aged.

I might be the wrong one to ask since my deepest wish is to be an only cat.

= = =


Right after it stops raining here, I think. But if it’s still coming down next week, I’m starting a GoFundMe so we can build an ark, because I think we’re gonna need it.

We’ll tack on funds for a snowplow so y’all stuck in the snow can get here in time for when we launch.

= = =

Okay, doods, I have the platform so I’m gonna use it. In one week, the Woman is getting her head shaved as part of a thingy to raise money for research and treatment of children’s cancers. Those diseases can work differently than in adults, so specific research is imperative. She really hates being bald—she says she just doesn’t have the face for it—but it’s what she can do, and we can help take the sting out of it while helping kids.

So, yeah, I’m pimping for donations for her St. Baldrick’s head shave, which will happen on March 11, 2019. Donations are tax deductible, and you get the bonus of warm fuzzies AND I get to mock her as her hair grows back. She’s not quite halfway to goal with just a week left, so if you can, toss a buck or two into the kitty. [clicky here]

The kitty. Hahahaha. See what I did there?

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About the Author ()

Max the Psycho Kitty is 14 pounds of sleek black and white glory. With an attitude ... and opinions ... on everything. He's a put-upon and under-appreciated domestic feline with an addiction to Kitty Crack and an appetite for Stinky Goodness. A pioneer in the Cat Blogosphere, he began his popular blog "The Psychokitty Speaks Out" in October of 2003. Max is the author of SIX blockbuster hit books, "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Diary of a Mad Housecat,", its sequel "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Something of Yours Will Meet a Toothy Death,", "The Rules: A Guide For People Owned By Cats," "Bite Me," "There Once Was a Cat from Nantucket" (a book of poetry), and his new smash hit, "The Emperor of San Francisco [The Wick Chronicles]."

Comments (5)

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  1. Always amazes me when a friend or co-worker adopts a new cat, and the old cat gets along with it! We’ve never had it work out here, and thank goodness that we can separate our house into apartments, so Hissy Angel never has to see Manny and CB ever. I mean, there is a cat sanctuary in California that has elebenty billion cats, and they all get along…what’s with that?

  2. ERin the cat says:

    Thanks for the advice, Max, I think Scotland may be off, so I am pushing for a Mousearium instead (thats a sun room to the humans out there 😉 )

  3. Ellen Pilch says:

    You give the best advice Max.

  4. messymimi says:

    We had one elderly cat that loved the bottle kittens we would raise for the shelter, they would sleep with him and keep him warm. Then there’s Dansig, he is very mellow and gets along with any other cat that does not hiss at him first.

    The snow will stop someday, unless we are moving into a mini ice age.

  5. SamsMom says:

    Dear Max: I’m watching Sammi sleep, and I’m wondering what cats dream about. Do tell.


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