Ask Max Monday: It’s The Hots. Run.

Ask Max Monday

new book huh?? concats!

about this election thingy….when is it gonna end? the mom lady is using some new creative HBO werds that she says we aren’t allowed to repeat…which we don’t think it fair….and says it is all due to this election.

Oh holy Cheetos, the election krap can’t end soon enough. We have to put up with it and the people who are getting way too excited about it until NOVEMBER, and that’s like 4,387 sleeps away. I’m pretty sure I’m gonna have to choke a $!ct4# before then, because I’ve taken about all of it that I can take. I don’t even wanna watch TV anymore. It’s like people have forgotten how to talk about anything else. DON’T THEY KNOW THERE’S DOCTOR WHO TO DISCUSS? I meaa…gawd!

Max, how do I time travel that stoopid kittin away to anuther galixy?

Hm. Well, you can time travel and send him to a different century, but to send him to another galaxy you have to get him onto a space ship.

Now, the good news is that there will be time portals in San Francisco, but not for 400 years. There will also be easy to afford space ships and some of them will take off from Treasure Island, but not for another 500 years. So really…you have to be patient. It’s gonna be a while.

There are other books with the Emporer of San Francisco in them (I’m thinking about Christpher Moore’s books). He is a homeless man with a couple of dogs and is reported to be based on a real person. Is this the same Emporer with a different story or timeline? I suppose he could have many disguises if he travels through time. I was just wondering if he was the inspiration. Along with the good Doctor of course.

Yep, I thought about Joshua Norton, who was the original Emperor of San Francisco (though he said he was the Emperor of America, and Protector of Mexico) when I was thinking about this book. He doesn’t have any dogs in my book, though. He has a cat (and the dogs that hung with the original probably weren’t even his, but that’s neither here nor there. Christopher Moore’s Emperor is an awesome dood) and he’s not as eccentric as Norton.

MAX!!!!! Sumbuddy stoled my boy bits wile I wuz asleep!!!!!!

That happens. It happened to me fifteen years ago. But don’t worry, you won’t need ‘em.

AND MAX! I just notist down thare that sumbuddy gave me a boyzillion win they stoled my boy bits!

Well there ya go! The bright side! Chicks dig shaved bit-spaces. Too much hair gag them and they don’t like that.

You’re stylin now…until it starts to grow back. Then you’re just itching.

Deer Max – concats on the book! Sammy wants to write one about a cat who owns a sooped up traktor and goes to traktor pulls. Sounds dull to us.

Anyway, the mom said something very horrible to me. I was laying against her leg and she was hot. And she said ‘Miles yore a furry little furniss and it’s too hot for this” and then she moved me away. And then said “I love you buddy but not when it’s hot”. What does that even mean? She only loves me at certain times? SHEESH. I think I have to move.

Here’s the thing about women of a certain age: their insides go freaking NUTS and start boiling over, until they want to rip off their clothes and go stand in the freezer at Costco. And then you need to provide bail money, and it’s about 23 kinds of embarrassing, and you just KNOW it’ll happen again.

Well, when they hit this age they also don’t want anything with any kind of heat near them…until they suddenly do and then it’s all WHY WON’T YOU LOVE ME YOU FREAKY FURBALL and they try to cuddle and snuggle, and you’re all GEEZ LADY LET ME USE THE BOX IN PRIVATE.

You don’t have to move, but you might want to find a nice, quiet spot in the house to nap, where she can’t reach you. Because dood…that’s coming. It really is.

Dear Max, How did you start blogging and how did you get to know other blogging kitties?  You always write such great stuff and I love your sense of humor!  Your kitty friend,  Jameson

Well, I was about a year old and we were in Evil, Ohio, when the Woman saw me watching sticky little people outside while she was blogging and thought it would be pretty funny to help me start a blog of my own, so I could tell the world what I was thinking.

She couldn’t find any other kitty blogs at first, but eventually did, and we started commenting on those. And then other people found us and started their own, and it snowballed, and now there are so many cat blogs I don’t even know a third of them.

Pretty spiffy, I think.

We’re gonna take over the world, one cat blog at a time.

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Category: Ask Max Monday, zzz Previous 3 cat articles

About the Author ()

Max the Psycho Kitty is 14 pounds of sleek black and white glory. With an attitude ... and opinions ... on everything. He's a put-upon and under-appreciated domestic feline with an addiction to Kitty Crack and an appetite for Stinky Goodness. A pioneer in the Cat Blogosphere, he began his popular blog "The Psychokitty Speaks Out" in October of 2003. Max is the author of SIX blockbuster hit books, "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Diary of a Mad Housecat,", its sequel "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Something of Yours Will Meet a Toothy Death,", "The Rules: A Guide For People Owned By Cats," "Bite Me," "There Once Was a Cat from Nantucket" (a book of poetry), and his new smash hit, "The Emperor of San Francisco [The Wick Chronicles]."

Comments (6)

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  1. Hey Max…now they have this Olympics thing on for 2 weeks. Guess that is better than all the election talk. Plus we get to watch things move quick across the tv screen and try to catch them.

  2. Lee in Phoenix says:

    Happy International Cat Day, Max! (Two days late) It was Monday, but we just found out today. We figured no one told you either or you would have said something on Monday, so we thought we would tell you today.

    Lee (the Man) and Annabelle, Wilbur and Charlie (the cats)

    • Lee in Phoenix says:

      Oops! When I told my wife I sent you the Happy International Cat Day message she said I should have included her. It should say:

      Lee and Nancy (the people) and Annabelle, Wilbur and Charlie (the cats)

  3. Eileen says:

    I’m sure you’ve told this story before, but how did you come to live with The Woman and The Man? Thanks.

    Gabriel’s Mom

  4. Norkin says:

    Max, we kitties live wife woofers. One woofy is big chicken! He is scairt of us kitties! He is bug fat woofy but he will not come close to any kitteh, not even the tiny outside kitten (not ours, we fink is neybors but we is not sure)
    We don’t has qwestion we just wants to share. Is funny that big woofy is scairt of tiny kitten.

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