Ask Max Monday: DO I LOOK HAPPY???

Ask Max Monday


I am not.

There is a suitcase on the bed and the Woman has been throwing things into it. Pink things. Shoes. A water bottle. Candy bars.

I know what this means. It means that she’s getting ready to head off to walk for the boobies again, and this time she’s taking the Man with her and making him walk, too. They raised a lot of money to go walk, or as I like to think of it, people paid a lot of money to torture them with hills and blisters and underwear chafing their delicate places.

This also means she won’t be home to help me with my column next week. This time next week (uhhhhh…right now it’s 9:08PM Pacific time, Sunday night) she’ll be sitting in a hot tub in San Diego while she makes the Man fetch Giant Stupid Drinks for her and whines about how much her feet hurt. Oh, his feet will hurt, too, but someone has to go get the drinks.

I would be much happier if they would hold the boobie walk here, so she could be here to feed me and provide a lap on demand. Don’t worry, there’s someone who will come feed us and tell me how awesome I am, but still. I have needs and they will go unfulfilled.

Keep thinking of questions and send them to me at–I’ll answer them on November 27!








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Category: Ask Max Monday, Featured

About the Author ()

Max the Psycho Kitty is 14 pounds of sleek black and white glory. With an attitude ... and opinions ... on everything. He's a put-upon and under-appreciated domestic feline with an addiction to Kitty Crack and an appetite for Stinky Goodness. A pioneer in the Cat Blogosphere, he began his popular blog "The Psychokitty Speaks Out" in October of 2003. Max is the author of SIX blockbuster hit books, "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Diary of a Mad Housecat,", its sequel "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Something of Yours Will Meet a Toothy Death,", "The Rules: A Guide For People Owned By Cats," "Bite Me," "There Once Was a Cat from Nantucket" (a book of poetry), and his new smash hit, "The Emperor of San Francisco [The Wick Chronicles]."

Comments (5)

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  1. Oh Max…poor kitty! How did you end up with humans who put other’s needs ahead of yours?!? Just plain crazy, that is!

  2. Miles Meezer says:

    Max Dood, did you poop on their pillows. And in their shoes? and did you puke on the carpet?

  3. KesterGayle says:

    Max! Time to piddle on the comforter and treat all pink things to a gnarly death, Dood. Seriously. Buddha Pest needs to get in on this action too. A week without your personal can openers? Do they think you’re self-sufficient or something? Kitty-sitters are simply not enough!! Boobies are wonderful things, but the humans need to walk at home, where your needs can be attended to instantly. If not sooner.

  4. Awww poor Max but as it’s for a great cause im sure you will get plenty of cuddles when they get back.x

  5. Mighty Kitty says:

    This is the time for the grandma! Kitty sitters are great but grandmas are totally awesome and see needs really good. If the kitty sitter stays at your house, it helps a lot. But if they are just coming to feed you they don’t know if yoy need something at night or get sick or sonething. Max, start pooping on pillows. Piddle on the blankets, sheets and in the tub. We are for you! Go to it, Mr. Awesome! Let them know that you deserve better!


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