Ask Max Monday: MAX ATTACKS!!!

Ask Max Monday

How many books does a cat need to write? I am heading towards my first being published and have more ideas for a series, but do not want to have to work harder than I have to as I have mouses catch and all that stuff. How many do plan to do? And does literary and bloging stardom such as yours come with a price tag?


Writing can be as difficult or easy as you want, really. You can write a bunch of books and never do anything with them—there’s not a thing wrong with writing for yourself—or you can make digital copies and sell them online, and never promote them with anything beyond a blog or Facebook. Or you can take a lot of time to curate an audience through email subscriber lists and groups online. You can buy ads. How complicated it gets is up to you.

It also depends on how you want to get published. If you go the traditional route, you should probably first try to get an agent, and that agent will work on your behalf to get a publisher. You still have to do a lot of work in marketing your book, and you don’t earn a lot at first, but if you have the right hook and the right agent who gets the right publisher, it can be golden.

Whatever you do, don’t pay someone to publish your book. That’s straight up vanity, it never ends well, and there’s not a thing a vanity house will do that you can’t do for yourself. Seriously.

I suppose if you hit it really big there’s a price in terms of privacy and people hounding you, but for me it’s not a huge problem. I get a lot of email asking me for things and they always come with sob stories. For a while I got email from people who decided I was being mistreated and they wanted to come rescue me—they were probably joking but it was hard to tell, so we were a little worried. I stopped giving anyone my mailing address and we got a box at a UPS store.

Whatever you do, have fun with it. If you’re not having fun, your readers won’t, either. So write for yourself before you write for anyone else…and see where it goes. You might have one book. You might have a trilogy. You might write a dozen different things. It’s all good, and it’s all awesome.

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Hey Max Dood, lemme inquire a thing of you. My human wants to brush me and I believe this to be an indignity. Also, it hurts, so I bite the brush, which frustrates her to no end. This amuses me, yet she fails to share in that amusement. Now, we have discussed this and I have postured the notion that one as noble as yourself would never allow this to happen. She swears you would. So, kind sir, will you allow a brush to touch your silky furs?

Man, you are not gonna like my answer.

Yes, I now allow the Woman to brush me. I didn’t used to because, yeah, it kinda hurt. But a few months ago she went out a bought a soft human-hair brush for me—I think it’s made with boar bristles—and I don’t mind that at all. In fact, I rather enjoy it. She’s very careful about how she uses it on me, and makes sure I get to rub my face on it (to show approval) before she starts, but dang, dood, it’s like a spiffy massage. If I had thumbs, it would totally get two thumbs up.

She says it’s made by Goody and she found it in the hair care aisle at Walmart. So maybe get your human to go shopping and get you one. You might enjoy it, which will make her happy.

Heck, even BUDDAH likes it. Well, he got his own brush. The people knew I wouldn’t want to share mine.

= = =


Quick, while you’re still wet, jump on the bed and roll all over your peoples’ pillows. And for good measure, the bed and any clothes they have lying about. That’ll help you dry off—and don’t worry, since you didn’t take a ride in the dryer you won’t shrink—and it’ll make them think twice about leaving the bathroom door open.

= = =

Oh, doods, speaking of books! I got a really cool ARC in the mail and get this—the title is Max Attacks! This is a funny tale about a cat named Max, meant for the 4-8 age group, but I think it will appeal to both a little younger and a bit older, and would also make a sweet gift for a cat lover.

I don’t want to give anything away, but this Max is pretty freaking active, and he…attacks. Clothes and fish and strings and things, Max goes for it all. And his final victim?

Oh…no spoilers.

Let’s just say I approve.

It goes on sale on June 11, and you can preorder it at the ‘Zon.

I’m totally getting a copy for myself.

= = =

Got a question for me?

You can leave it in the comments below,

or drop me an email at



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Category: Ask Max Monday, Featured

About the Author ()

Max the Psycho Kitty is 14 pounds of sleek black and white glory. With an attitude ... and opinions ... on everything. He's a put-upon and under-appreciated domestic feline with an addiction to Kitty Crack and an appetite for Stinky Goodness. A pioneer in the Cat Blogosphere, he began his popular blog "The Psychokitty Speaks Out" in October of 2003. Max is the author of SIX blockbuster hit books, "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Diary of a Mad Housecat,", its sequel "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Something of Yours Will Meet a Toothy Death,", "The Rules: A Guide For People Owned By Cats," "Bite Me," "There Once Was a Cat from Nantucket" (a book of poetry), and his new smash hit, "The Emperor of San Francisco [The Wick Chronicles]."

Comments (5)

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  1. Erin The Cat says:

    Thanks for that advice Max, really appreciate it. Looks like Max Attacks is following a lead from a pro, aka YOU. Who was your mentor, and equally, who would you like to be a mentor to—be they feline or human?

  2. Janet says:

    Try the Love Glove. While it sounds like something from a XXX movie, it’s wonderful for kitties. It has nubbies on it that trap fur. Both current cats love it and come running for their brushing sessions.

    I wish I’d had it when I had to brush Lucy. She was a lovely long haired grrrrl cat who hated brushing. When we finally figured out that if she fussed about brushing she would get no treats, she stopped fussing.

  3. Once again, Max, you show your wisdom, and on so many fronts! Write ’cause it’s what you want to do: check! Roll all over the bed and stuffs when wet: check! Teach your human to buy the right brushie for your furs: check! Nice, Max!

  4. messymimi says:

    That’s great advice about writing, just do it and do it, and if you want to get published, you will find a way.

    Baths don’t shrink people, either, but getting caught in them can be embarassing.

    Thanks for the tip about the book!

  5. SamsMom says:

    Sammi loves to be brushed. And she loves to bite the brush. So we use two – one for her to bite & rub her face on, and one for me to actually brush her with. Works great!


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