Ask Max Monday: Mice-A-Roni Is Not a Thing…

Ask Max Monday Max…how do we explain to the foster momma cat that all her yelling about “I need a boyfriend” isn’t going to accomplish anything here. Of course, there’s Junior, but he is nootered so that doesn’t count. Plus he is probably afraid of her. Can we leave her a sign on her door or something? Cause she is LOUD Well, I don’t think you’re going to be able to silence her for a while. She’s upset and feeling unloved. This may be one of those “if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em” kind of things. Every time she yells I NEED A BOYFRIEND yell back WE KNOW. Only say it a lot. WE KNOW WE KNOW WE KNOW! Eventually she’ll get just as tired of hearing you as you are of hearing her, and she’ll stop. It should only take, oh, 10 days to 2 weeks. HAY MAX WHY ISNT THERE MOUSE FLAVORED CAT FOODS? Probably because mice don’t taste very good, and who would eat one if they didn’t have to? Aside from the taste, there’s not a lot of meat on them and to get one good can it would probably take 62 mice, and that’s just not cost effective. If you flip it over, 1 cow probably can make 6,982 cans of food. Plus, I think the cows have people who auction them off, and the mice have a union rep named Mickey who protects their interests. I’d rather have fishy or beefy foods. Mice are kinda =blech= and I think Mickey knows where I live, so… All righty Max. What’s the worst thing that ever happened to you? Honestly? Buddah. Hear me out. I know people think he’s this adorable little black furball, but unless you’ve followed my blog for over 13 years, you might not know that he damn near killed me when the people brought him home. He came bearing the gift of a URI that he got over in a week, but passed along to me and I was uncomfortably close to dying. And since then he’s just been a royal PITA, and lately he’s been outright mean. We have Feliway thingies all over the house and that’s helped quite a bit, but he still stalks me and I’m honestly kind of afraid sometimes because I never know when he’s going to pop out and jump on me, and when he jumps on me he bites hard. Y’all can still go on liking him, because when he’s not being a spastic vicious maniac, he’s kinda cute. But yeah, he is truly the worst thing that’s ever happened to me. Max, hoping you can help. My cat, Nigel, is (and I know this sounds weird) licking the roof of his mouth. At first I thought he had a hair stuck, but he kept doing it. I checked his mouth and I don’t see anything in there, nothing like stuck fur or even odd bumps. He’s not doing it nonstop, but I noticed it 6-7 times today. Any ideas? I’d call the vet but they’re closed this weekend. He might be slightly nauseated. Sometimes when kitties are queasy, they do this. Kinda like he’s trying to push something out? Keep an eye on him; if he’s eating and drinking, you can wait and see, but if he’s still doing it tomorrow, call the stabby guy. Of course, if he starts hurling or isn’t drinking, you might want to find an urgent care vet. (Note: Nigel’s mom and I talked on FB so she already knows what my answer was. He’s drinking and peeing like normal and scarfed his lunch down today, so she’s not too worried…but I ran the question in case someone else has a roof-of-the-mouth licking kitty…)

Got a question for me? You can leave it in the comments below, or drop me an email at askmaxmonday@gmail.com.

You can also find me on Facebook.

 

Category: Ask Max Monday, Featured

About the Author ()

Max the Psycho Kitty is 14 pounds of sleek black and white glory. With an attitude ... and opinions ... on everything. He's a put-upon and under-appreciated domestic feline with an addiction to Kitty Crack and an appetite for Stinky Goodness. A pioneer in the Cat Blogosphere, he began his popular blog "The Psychokitty Speaks Out" in October of 2003. Max is the author of SIX blockbuster hit books, "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Diary of a Mad Housecat,", its sequel "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Something of Yours Will Meet a Toothy Death,", "The Rules: A Guide For People Owned By Cats," "Bite Me," "There Once Was a Cat from Nantucket" (a book of poetry), and his new smash hit, "The Emperor of San Francisco [The Wick Chronicles]."

Comments (6)

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  1. KesterGayle says:

    Max, you need to get yourself a squirt gun to fend off Buddah with. Of course I suppose there is that problem you have with no opposable thumbs and everything. But maybe just packing some heat will do the trick? Seriously, he sounds out of control!

  2. Puddzee Pye says:

    Hey Max,
    After mama read the mice flavored cat food it got me thinking. A lot of out door cats eat birdies. How come there’s not more cat food that’s birdie flavored? I’m not talking chickens, turkeys or ducks. I’m talking pigeon, finches, sparrows, robins, etc? My stalker Peeping Tom that’s his main diet and that’s what he’s left as gifts for me(not that mama went out to bring them in for me. She scooped them up and tossed them into the field. She said the foxes, coyotes and opossums would enjoy them. I know human servants are weird, it was for me but whatever)
    How come you don’t puff up and hiss, spit or growl at Budda if he’s such a nightmare? That’s what I do to any other kitty or dog that tries to encroach on my personal space! I won’t tolerate sharing my mama(human servant) with any others. Just wondering.

    Your da dood Max!

    Puddzee Pye

  3. Scout Mango and My human Mom says:

    Hi! Max! This is a Holiday Monday called Remembers Memories Day when we honor all the Cat Friends who have gone on beffurrs to The Rainbow Bridge! My question is– do you know what Stomatosis is?

    It sounds like an upset stomach!

    Buts Mom says “NO” its a Mouth illness!So, Oh “Curious Max of the Many Answers,” what is Stomatosis?

    I wonder if you get this illness if your mouth eats too much people food? Or I hopes I cannot catch this Stomatosis from Jack?

    Why? It is because Jack and I both love to drinks from the Peoples dripping Bathtub drain?

    I am worried about Jack the only male Ginger Cat!

    He was a super small pest about 3 years ago! Well now he is a huge Pest but having some dried Blood around his Mouth and Mom just found a tiny tag of extra lower Right Mouth Skin too!

    Oh Curious Max of Many Answers, Do you know what Stomatosis is? Mom thinks Jack has that!

    It’s not that I like him as he is a Pest!

    But I still do not want him to be sick and have to go to the Stabby Guy! Mom is gonna take him to the Stabby Guy! So Tell me what Stomatosis is??Jack is sore afraid the Stabby Guy might remove take a look inside his Mouth all the way down to his Stomach!

    I hopes he comes back well! Mom diagnoses me! But often Mom treats me! Recently I had to go to the Stabby Female Vet! I was found to have Feline Lupus but it was not that, it was an Allergy! Remembers? I am Well Now! I helped Kill a mousie yesterdays!

    Oh Max what is this awful Stomatosis?? Do you knows??? I promised Jack I would ask you!

  4. Max, I am relatively new here, so I didn’t know that Buddah is just a pest. Angel is a pest too, so she’s got her own apartment!

  5. Diane says:

    Hi Max.
    A reply to Nigel: my cat dewey just had a bout of mouth smacking, hunched over meatloaf style, eating not much & just not acting right.
    Not acting awfully sick, but just off, you know. Worried with lip smacking that he got into something, ate a string or whatever. To Vet: labs, urine, abd xray. Showed severe constipation ! Poor guy. Everything else normal, so enemas at vet! Not very dignified. Can’t be too careful tho. The vet has always recommended dry food, & i free feed. Which probably doesn’t help. I’m thinking about fixed mealtimes & wetfood ( more moisture)
    Anyway, thought i’d share one cause of licking, & smacking….

  6. Laurel Glasco says:

    Hey Max!

    When Buddah is so mean to you does the woman go after him and make him stop? After all, you are getting a little long in the tooth and ought to be respected. When one of us is mean to another one of us (Lady Charlotte you know who you are), the man chases her away. The woman hollers at her. Charlotte gets lots of personal love and petting just like us. We do not understand why she gets in our faces. Buddha should learn to leave you alone. Don’t you ever swat him back?

    With respect to you,
    Linnet and Chaucer

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