Ask Max Monday: ON MONDAY, Y’ALL!

Ask Max Monday

Hey Max – we just moved into this house and were stuck in a room. We heard another cat living outside of the room, but the tall lady person took him away last night and she didn’t bring him back home. Today, we’ve been allowed out into the rest of the house. Why didn’t he want to meet us? And oh my gosh, there is so much room to chase each other now. How do we make sure we create as much havoc as possible?

Quinn and Flynn

I don’t think he went away because he didn’t want to meet you; he went away because there was somewhere else he needed to be, and he couldn’t wait until after you were ready to be around other cats to get there. It’s not personal, it really isn’t. Sometimes a guy needs to move onto the next thing, even when the things here have some promise of being pretty cool, like getting new kittys bros.

And man, I know what it’s like to suddenly have a lot more room. You need to make the most of it while you’re young and have lots of energy. Run from room to room as fast as you can. Jump on EVERYTHING. Explore high places, and if there are things on those high places in your way, knock ‘em to the floor. Climb curtains and walls and people-legs. Sit in the middle of rooms and let out wonderful, magnificent meows, just to see if they echo.

And the most important thing…make sure you do all of this at three in the morning. Everything is so much louder at three in the morning, and people get super excited when you do things then.

Dear Max
Why do people laugh because I like grits? Grits have CHEESE!
Your friend

People get weird about cats liking anything that’s not meat. Like bananas. I’ve seen lots of pictures of cats online nibbling on bananas and people think it’s the funniest thing, because most cats don’t like them. But that goes for people, too. Some like bananas, some don’t.

But grits? I can kinda see that, seeing as how grits have the consistency of wet kitty litter. It’s the cheese, though. Surely they get that you want the cheese, not a tongue loaded with litter.

Now, if you like a mouthful of litter, you may have issues.

Nice stars and stripes hat, dood. Sinse Dr Who is from that England place, duz he selebrate the forth of July?

Well, since he’s not actually from England—he just seems to like it an awful lot—he probably doesn’t celebrate it unless he’s been invited to a party or something. This year, he wasn’t even on Earth for the 4th, he was stuck on a space ship that was trying to not get sucked into a black hole. But there were lots of explosions, so it was kinda the same thing. Like fireworks, but scarier. And not as much fun. In fact, I don’t think he enjoyed it at all.


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Category: Ask Max Monday

About the Author ()

Max the Psycho Kitty is 14 pounds of sleek black and white glory. With an attitude ... and opinions ... on everything. He's a put-upon and under-appreciated domestic feline with an addiction to Kitty Crack and an appetite for Stinky Goodness. A pioneer in the Cat Blogosphere, he began his popular blog "The Psychokitty Speaks Out" in October of 2003. Max is the author of SIX blockbuster hit books, "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Diary of a Mad Housecat,", its sequel "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Something of Yours Will Meet a Toothy Death,", "The Rules: A Guide For People Owned By Cats," "Bite Me," "There Once Was a Cat from Nantucket" (a book of poetry), and his new smash hit, "The Emperor of San Francisco [The Wick Chronicles]."

Comments (2)

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  1. Oh Wise and Knowledgeable Max! Excellent answers to those questions, especially about running around the new space for the first one. Stick your noses into every corner and crevice, low and high!

  2. Miles Meezer says:

    Hey Max Dood

    Mine brofur Sammy is sick – he has some sort of cancer on his tummy and it’s icky. The mom says Nicky and I has to leave him alone, but he WANTS us to chase him. He whaps me first. When we does, he leaves all his furs all over the house and WE GET BLAMED. How is it our fault when HE STARTS IT?


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