Ask Max Monday: All You Need Is…a Beatles Song

Hiiiiii Maxxxx!!!! It’s me, Harriet!!!! I was adopted by my mommy almost 10 years ago when I was 5 months old and and and guess what I discovered recently???? I discovered that lying on top of mommy in bed is really really really comfy and and and she gives me loads of petting and chin rubs and and and we can watch tv together!!!! AND my mean brofur Ozzy won’t dare bother me when I am on top of mommy!!!! I was always too scared when mommy tried to put me on her. Now I’m brave enough to jump up there and settle in for a good snuggle almost every night!!! Why didn’t someone tell me years ago that if you lie on top of your mommy that good things happen???

Well, they could have told you but if you were really scared, you might not have believed them. The important thing is that you figured it out! Now you need to move onto the next thing: when she’s sleeping, plop down on her face. She’ll really enjoy that, because it will keep her head warm. Sleeping people need to be warm, and since they don’t stick their heads under the blankets, they’re always cold. I bet she’ll even thank you. I’ve heard that a lot. “Oh, yeah, thank you.”

Hi Max
My girl likes to call me nicknames, like cuddles, or snuggles. Sometimes when I play hard, and she calls me Freddie and says I need a manny cure. Is Freddie a good name or a bad name?

Freddie is awesome. They made a lot of movies about him, and people love him. They love him so much that when they see his movies, they shriek with joy! A few of them are so excited they wet themselves. Embrace it!

And at least you’re not getting stuck with Buddah’s newest nickname. BooBooBear. LOL. BooBoo. BOOBOO!

Mister Max,
The hooman buys us real live fresh dead chicken that has been frozen and dried up as treats. It is very yummy. But the hooman is a cheepskate. The hooman buys the big dog-sized treats then cuts them up so there is more. The hooman takes one big chunk of real live fresh dead chicken and turns it into four small ones for us. Is that cheating or what?! We should be getting one big piece each!

It’s totally cheating, but look at it this way—one shared piece of chicken is better than no chicken at all. That’s how I make myself feel better that the Woman only gives me a few tastes of her steak instead of the whole thing. I mean, I DESERVE the whole thing, but if I can’t have it, a bite will do.

Max, I hope you have a few words of wisdom for me. We lost our ginger boy a year ago, and last week my SO brought home another who looks a lot like him. He’s a sweet boy but I am conflicted. I feel like she’s trying to replace him and that can’t happen. Will he feel that, if that’s what she’s trying to do?

Dood…even if she is, she’s gonna love that orange furball a lot, but I bet that’s not what’s happening. Maybe she just has a type. You know, like how some people prefer to date blondes or bald people. They don’t ever think it’s the same person, it’s just their type.

The Woman has said from time to time that if she ever gets another dog, she wants another golden retriever, like Hank. She won’t be trying to replace him, she just likes goldens. Sure, there will probably be some comparisons now and then, but that’s all right. People compare their kids all the time, and they still like them all pretty much the same most of the time.

Just love the little guy. That’s all he needs.tabby-road

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Category: Ask Max Monday

About the Author ()

Max the Psycho Kitty is 14 pounds of sleek black and white glory. With an attitude ... and opinions ... on everything. He's a put-upon and under-appreciated domestic feline with an addiction to Kitty Crack and an appetite for Stinky Goodness. A pioneer in the Cat Blogosphere, he began his popular blog "The Psychokitty Speaks Out" in October of 2003. Max is the author of SIX blockbuster hit books, "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Diary of a Mad Housecat,", its sequel "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Something of Yours Will Meet a Toothy Death,", "The Rules: A Guide For People Owned By Cats," "Bite Me," "There Once Was a Cat from Nantucket" (a book of poetry), and his new smash hit, "The Emperor of San Francisco [The Wick Chronicles]."

Comments (4)

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  1. Johnny says:

    These are absolutely adorable!! I think the Max Column is one of my favourites online! 🙂

  2. Elise says:

    Max, you’re so wise! Like Pippin, I was especially unsure about whether “Freddie” was a good or bad name – glad for your advice as you definitely cleared that up! Haha. My favourite piece of advice from the day. ❤

  3. Nicholas says:

    Max dood, I want to go out, make Mommy let me out. Maybe I’ll find Billy out there?

  4. Reno says:

    Max, the ladey keeps calling me Reno McBeano. I hate it. It is NOT my name, and I obviussly unable to stop farts, and if yoo don’t beeleeve me, just stop by sum nite and sit next to the mister after a messkin meel. (do NOT go under the covers in bed with him after messkin dinner, cuz it’s like a dutch oven.) How do I git the ladey to be more reespektfull to me, and address me more appropreeutly, like maybe “Yer Hiness”?


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