Ask Max Monday: Nekkid Buddah? Hahahaha

Ask Max Monday

Hi Max
Do boy cats ever act like gentlemen or do they always act like kittens on crack?

Thanks,

Rosie

Yes.

No, really, we can be gentlemen, but we’ll also always, deep down, be furry little crackheads. Sometimes we’ll be nice and sweet, but every now and then a guy just has to go 3 different kinds of nuts, running like his asterisk is on fire, jumping everywhere (including on other cats) and being general pains in the asterisk. But, to be honest, I don’t think that’s entirely the realm of boy cats. I know a lot of girl cats that can be really sweet, too, but give ‘em some nip and get out of the way.

I think I’d like a girl cat like that. Super nice, but man can she nip out.

= = =

Hey Max, yer an angel for putting up with yer woman’s whining for six yeers in a row. And yer mom is eleventy kinds of pawsome. Next yeer, why don’t you guys shave Buddah insted?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA oh man I wish we could. Nekkid Buddah! I’m pretty sure he’d eat someone if that happened, though.

= = =

Dear Max, My sister is moving into her own house. Her 2 cats Stanley and Stella (my mother named them.) Have spent all of their 7 yrs. in a 3rd floor of a house she owns. How do think they will be in a huge which they can go anywhere they want after spending all their lives on one floor? Steve L.

They’re gonna have so much fun! For a while they might be scared and hide, but once they realize how much room that have for running and rousing games of Thundering Herd of Elephants, they’ll be in kitty heaven.

I moved *a lot* and some of my best memories are of moving into a big house with stairs and windows and so much room to play. It was great fun at 3 in the morning, especially when I discovered that things could be pushed down the stairs. Loud things, like golf balls.

It’s hard to get bored when you have a lot of space to play. And you also get to stake out your own territory. They’re gonna love it!

= = =

Max do your humans ever get mad when you barf on things? I barfed in a shoe and let me tell you no one was happy about that except me.

Dood! That’s awesome! Please tell me they didn’t discover it until they stuck a foot in their shoe.

But, no, no one gets mad when we barf, and Buddah barfs A LOT. I mean, the Woman isn’t happy about it, but generally she cleans it up and goes about her business. Though yesterday she was kind of cheese when Buddah horked onto the sofa…and it was a really good one, like, it spread out about 15 inches and she had to deep clean that sofa cushion AND wash the slipcovers. She grumbled a lot, but I don’t think she was ever mad about it.

I think she would only get mad if I ever really did poop on her pillow. Because that would be intentional and not a process of biology. I’m pretty sure I could hork one up into her shoe and not make her mad. She’s be totally grossed out and I would hear a OH FOR FARK’S SAKE but she wouldn’t be mad at me, just that she shoved a foot into something cold, wet, and gross.

Oh man. I hope I need to cough up a hairball tonight. She left her shoes right in front of the TV.

Got a question for me?

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or drop me an email at askmaxmonday@gmail.com

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Category: Ask Max Monday, Featured

About the Author ()

Max the Psycho Kitty is 14 pounds of sleek black and white glory. With an attitude ... and opinions ... on everything. He's a put-upon and under-appreciated domestic feline with an addiction to Kitty Crack and an appetite for Stinky Goodness. A pioneer in the Cat Blogosphere, he began his popular blog "The Psychokitty Speaks Out" in October of 2003. Max is the author of SIX blockbuster hit books, "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Diary of a Mad Housecat,", its sequel "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Something of Yours Will Meet a Toothy Death,", "The Rules: A Guide For People Owned By Cats," "Bite Me," "There Once Was a Cat from Nantucket" (a book of poetry), and his new smash hit, "The Emperor of San Francisco [The Wick Chronicles]."

Comments (4)

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  1. Jana says:

    Max, my hooman has a noisy breffus masheen dat murders up bananas, spinnitch, oats, and meowlk into a gloopy paste dat she can drink. It lowt. It hurt my ears, and even tho she tells me she’s startin dat masheen and I shood go upstares, it tooo lowt. She yoosta eat hooman breffus soop, which is basikly hooman crunchies in meowlk. She has laktoes-free meowlk so I get to lik da soop bowl wen she dun, wich I like. I stan on her lap and put my nose over da bowl and full-on paw pressure on her blatter while she eet to remine her I get da last meowlks. I know dat hoomans have useless weak sad little teef dat can’t murder too good, but can I sabbataj dis masheen to make her go back to da kwiyet soop dat we shar? She look like she gettin enuff to eet. Fanks, Gracie

  2. Max, you are so wise, and I think Buddah getting a lion cut is a great idea! What’s with all the horking?!?

  3. Timmy Tomcat says:

    Max you are the Man-Cat! Your advice is so right on dood. We lived in a little walk up most of my life and when we moved to a big space, with a run-around-fireplace it was heaven. Oh the noise at night is always such fun.
    Purrs
    Timmy

  4. Erin the Cat says:

    I do think I mst be one of the few kitties that doesn’t feel the need to throw up a hairball or something less tasty and more hairy, into a shoe or onto something else. I wonder whay that is?
    Purrs
    ERin

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