Ask Max Monday: It Never Snows In Catifornia…

Ask Max Monday Max! For the last 15 years my Humom has been stealing my poop every single day but today I noticed an email confirming her membership in something called the Kitty Poop Club. Does this mean that it’s not just her but an entire club harvesting kitty poop? I’m stunned to learn that for so many years,instead of worshipping me because I’m superior, she’s simply been using me for my poop. At least I now understand why she brought those giant boy cats into the house. She addicted to that shit. I’d cut off her supply but…I’m sure she’d get it somewhere and the quality wouldn’t be as good What should I do Max? Confront her or just turn a blind eye? A poop club? That’s really gross.  I don’t even know what to say to that. But, if she feeds you well, I’d say whatever floats her boat. You’re gonna have to poop anyway. What she does with it, as long as no one gets hurt…he. I don’t even wanna know. Deer Wise and wonderful Max our hooman purrent wants to know why when usvkitties play kissyface  start to bite each other or turn into  wrestlers we will be napping on her lap den decide to lick each others ears and faces and sometimes bodies.  Den out of nowhere wez start to bite each other’s heads She says our past furblings use to do it too   or wrestler each other and she’d say to them and us “I thought you loved each other “ What gives? Why do we start by playing kissyface then try to bite each other on the noggin your Canadian fans  Oakley and Sugar Your human needs to stop and consider what happens when people start doing the kissy face thing. It tends to devolve into things a lot more disturbing that quality feline wrestling. On the whole, she should be grateful that’s all you’re doing. But you’re just playing. Cat play gets a little bitey. I think it goes back to your early kitten days when you’d romp and roll and bite and then Mom would come around and stomp on you to teach you how to cat. But maybe don’t tell her that part. She might think she needs to stomp on you and her foot is probably a WHOLE lot bigger than your cat-mom’s foot was. Hello Max,  Every time I click subscribe with my new email address I keep getting the error “This feed does not have subscriptions by email enabled”. Would you be able to help me please? You’re the cleverest cat I know so I’m sure you’ll be able to fix this! Kindest regards, Charlotte Well, I’m not that clever because I really don’t know. The only feed for Mousebreath I know of is to use http://mousebreath.com/feed/ with a reader. I’m just a columnist…I don’t have the keys to the rest of the site. Maybe if we all yell really loud, whoever has the keys will hear and drive in here with the answer. Dear Max, My sisters and brother and I have a cat door that leads to a screened porch and catio. About the only thing my brother is useful for is to find lizards on the porch and bring them into the house for everyone to play with. This afternoon, Mom caught me with one in the middle of the living room floor. Instead of admiring my hunting skills, she ran to the kitchen, came back with a jar, scooped it up, and rushed outside with it. Why did she do that? This is not the first time. Doesn’t she want us to have any fun?? What can we do? We are sick of the dead prey on strings that lie all over the house. Thank you for your advice. Abigail She does it because she’s nice and doesn’t like to see tiny things scared and hurt. And face it, we can do some serious damage to things like lizards, because we have awesome teeth and paws, and it’s part of the hunting game. But try to look t it from her viewpoint: imagine if a big tiger came into your house to play with you. At first it might be like, sweet! Tiger fun! But sooner or later he’d stop playing and he would eat you, because you’re crunchy and meaty and you look like lunch. You mom probably thinks that’s how the lizard feels—terrified because he thinks (and is right) that he’s not gonna survive the end game. It sucks and fake dead things on strings are boring, but she just doesn’t want anything to get hurt. That’s a good sign, you know. It means she probably won’t turn you into kitty cacciatore if the zombie apocalypse happens and she can’t get outside to get to the store. MAX WHEN IS WINTER GOING TO END? I’M SO COLD!!!! WE HAD A BLIZZARD IN WISKERONSIN. Dood…move to Catifornia. Today we were like 65 degrees with a nice breeze and lots of sunshine. Tomorrow, it’s gonna be nice. The day after, it’s gonna be nice. IT NEVER GETS TOO COLD HERE…but we also get to use the fireplace in the “winter” and we still get sunpuddles! Seriously, you might get more snow there, and here we’re getting all tanned and chit. It’s awesome!

Got a question for me? You can leave it in the comments below, or drop me an email at askmaxmonday@gmail.com.

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Category: Ask Max Monday, Featured

About the Author ()

Max the Psycho Kitty is 14 pounds of sleek black and white glory. With an attitude ... and opinions ... on everything. He's a put-upon and under-appreciated domestic feline with an addiction to Kitty Crack and an appetite for Stinky Goodness. A pioneer in the Cat Blogosphere, he began his popular blog "The Psychokitty Speaks Out" in October of 2003. Max is the author of SIX blockbuster hit books, "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Diary of a Mad Housecat,", its sequel "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Something of Yours Will Meet a Toothy Death,", "The Rules: A Guide For People Owned By Cats," "Bite Me," "There Once Was a Cat from Nantucket" (a book of poetry), and his new smash hit, "The Emperor of San Francisco [The Wick Chronicles]."

Comments (3)

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  1. Deer Max
    really what is wrong with smacking mine brofur down the stairs? The Mom really hollered at me for that. I say he just tripped over mine paw. She wasn’t there. She just saw him plopping down the last couple of steps. Would it have been really bad if I actually DID smack and he fell? Or if I stuck out mine paw and he tripped over it?

  2. Max, think I’ll give The Hubby your advice on moving to California! We are tired of the crappy weather in the Midwest!

  3. Dear Max,
    With the warm weather upon us, I am thinking about holidays. Not for me as I’m too busy, but for Mrs H. Can you offer any suggestions as to where I send her, and how I can turn a small profit from it to offset the expense?

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