Ask Max Monday: Of Mice and Breath and FOOD

Ask Max Monday

My clowder recommends Fancy Feast Savory Centers. I will eat anything, but our geezers (oops I mean wise elders) really like these flavors and they are very soft and wet. The Mom says they are like “cherry cordial chocolates” whatever that is, it sounds nasty but these are not nasty! You might like them.

Okay. So. The Woman thought, why not? And then went out and bought a few cans for me to try. It was perfect timing because I had a day of not feeling like eating but she put that down and BAM! I wanted to eat it. All of it. I licked the freaking plate clean.

So later she tried another flavor and I liked that one, too.

This led to her scouring the stores around here to buy up every can of beef and every can of chicken Savory Bites she could find, because they were sold out online and being the Woman, well, she wanted to be sure I had food for at least a week or two.

THE STUFF IS FREAKING AMAZING!

Much to her surprise, I’m still munching on other things, as well, but twice a day I am absolutely hoovering this food. Oh, and now she’s getting kinda leaky because for some reason seeing me eat makes her happy. No, I don’t get it. And really, she watches me eat like I’m the center of some soap opera and she’s super weirdly invested in it.

Like, the Man might want to get into the kitchen but she stops him and hisses, “He’s EATING!” and makes him wait. Like Grandma bellowing NOT NOW I’M WATCHING MY STORIES.

=sigh=

But thanks for the suggestion. I’m not sure she ever would have bought any without it.

= = =

Max, this is Gandalf, I have a huge complaint about my human! After she catnapped me off the street (OK, the clowder and the peepul out there were nasty), she was feeding me plenty. I was even starting to like my human, and permitted her to pet me since it does her so much good. I got much much stronger and more umm robust! Then she fed me less. Much less. She says she’s worried about diabetes, but I don’t know what that is, so I know it doesn’t affect me.

To make things worse, now That Cat Angel suddenly got sick with kidneys and she’s eating lots of special gushy food, and I don’t get any of it. Shouldn’t Angel just have less kidneys if she got sick on them?

My human calls me a “perfect gentleman” but shouldn’t a robust perfect gentleman be fed more?

A perfect gentleman would be even more perfect if allowed to nom more because there would be more of him. I’m on your side on this one. And hey, I started my thyroid and kidney merry-go-round at 18 pounds and am down to 9.5, and the Woman honestly thinks having the extra weight gave me some wiggle room. So clearly, being fat saves lives.

EAT ALL THE THINGS!

Except Angel’s food. She needs it, dood, she really does. Don’t bug her, go bug a human. They have the thumbs and can open another can, and clearly you need it just to make you feel better.

= = =

Max, this is frail, weak, elderly princess Angel. That rough, rude outsider is complaining about my gushyfood? He gets gushyfood of his own . . . he should just stop bugging me and let me eat my gushyfood in peace! Tell him to let me eat my gushies in peace, and drink my water in peace, and snuggle with my human in peace. It’s not like he wants to snuggle (and I won’t let him!).

Okay. I told him to bug a human instead.

I feel your pain. I have Buddah. And kidney disease. So I empathize.

Brothers are such a pain…

= = =

Here’s a hint about any of the canned foods with gravy or sauce, put them in the food processor until they look almost like the pate. It means eating more instead of just licking off the gravy, gets more calories into the cat.

Oh! We never considered that. And we have a small processor, that would work pretty well. We’re gonna give it a whirl!

Hahaha see what I did there?

Whirl.

= = =

Dude, you get so much choice. Around here the food sucks — all Brussels sprouts and turnips! OK maybe I exaggerate a bit, but that’s how it seems. Mice and sparrow all the way! OK, on a more serious note, and in line with asking the king of cat literature, what do you think I need to do to get this whole mask thing sorted out? Mrs H goes out with one and comes back with another ten. Seems like everyone and thing has to have a mask. Apparently, I need to have one before I chase the mice! In fact, Mrs H said I should only chase mice at a distance, and use paw sanitiser before and after I make bare my teeth at them! I think flossing and a bit of mouthwash is enough!

What would you do?

Purrs
ERin
PS. Have you any tips on how to deal with surplus mice in lockdown situation?

Right now, if you want to go out, you gotta wear a mask. Even if it’s not the law, it’s the kind thing to do. Yeah, it bites, but it helps lessen the spread of cooties and makes people feel a bit safer. And with the world upside down, making people feel safe is just the nice thing to do.

But.

Mice.

Dood, I would so be asking the Man call the pest control guy and letting him come over and deal with them. I mean…ew. Mice just look like they taste awful, and if you get one, you know what you’ll have?

MOUSEBREATH.

Oh.

Ha.

MOUSEBREATH.

If you want THAT, just come back here and read all the things. Trust me, this MOUSEBREATH is a lot better than that MOUSEBREATH.

= = =

Doods…this has been a good week for me. I only had one day when I just felt awful, which made the Woman sit down and really think about everything that went into my body in the days before, and she saw a pattern: if I had my thyroid medication, within 5-6 hours I stopped wanting to eat, and by the next morning I didn’t want to leave my bedroom.

So she told the Man to stop giving it to me for a day, and I started eating again.

One dose later, I stopped.

It’s been making me super nauseated. She hoped it was just a too-high dose, but even the small dose makes me feel like this. So for the rest of the week no one gave it to me, and I’ve been eating really well, not hiding in the closet or my bedroom, drinking like I should be, and peeing decently.

The pattern of medication/anorexia is pretty clear and they have enough data for the stabby person. We’re not sure what she’ll suggest at this point, but I’m obviously miserable when I’m on it. There are risks to the side effects on not taking it so I’m sure she’ll have to think about that.

But doods, I’m 19. It might be a risk worth taking.

In any case, that’s the current state of Max: eating and feeling pretty good this week. And super happy knowing the Woman braved the stores and cooties and spent a lot of money buying food that I seem to enjoy more than anything else.

Also…Wick Shorts 2 is in the editor’s hands. It won’t be long!

= = =

If you have questions, leave them in the comments or in email and I’ll get to them next week.

Category: Ask Max Monday, Featured

About the Author ()

Max the Psycho Kitty is 14 pounds of sleek black and white glory. With an attitude ... and opinions ... on everything. He's a put-upon and under-appreciated domestic feline with an addiction to Kitty Crack and an appetite for Stinky Goodness. A pioneer in the Cat Blogosphere, he began his popular blog "The Psychokitty Speaks Out" in October of 2003. Max is the author of SIX blockbuster hit books, "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Diary of a Mad Housecat,", its sequel "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Something of Yours Will Meet a Toothy Death,", "The Rules: A Guide For People Owned By Cats," "Bite Me," "There Once Was a Cat from Nantucket" (a book of poetry), and his new smash hit, "The Emperor of San Francisco [The Wick Chronicles]."

Comments (15)

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  1. Max, we definitely know what it feels like when a cat won’t eat; there isn’t a stressor on the planet quite like that! Which is why she watches you so carefully; food is life after all!
    Excellent advice once again, and I saw a neighbourhood cat catch a mouse yesterday while I was out on my walk; she’s a feisty cat, with humans of her own but she’s going to supplement her diet for sure!

  2. Friday says:

    Max, the Mom is getting leaky reading that my food suggestion helped you. She spends an awful lot of time getting excited about what goes in and out of us too, particularly the old guys. Nobody should be that interested in someone else’s poop!

  3. Dot says:

    Hey Max – When my brother Dip was on thyroid meds, he also got nauseous after a bit. Our stabby person had Momma give him a quarter of a little pill that people take (we can’t remember what it was anymore). It really helped so he was able to take his thyroid meds AND eat. Hopefully your stabby person will have a good altternative for you too. Purrs – Dot

  4. Jan Henderson says:

    Max, I’m thrilled BOTH of us MIGHT make it another Christmas, I’d do a happy dance – except I’d lose my air & pass out again.
    GO US!

  5. Vicat says:

    Max, I’m thrilled BOTH of us MIGHT make it another Christmas, I’d do a happy dance – except I’d lose my air & pass out again.
    GO US!

  6. Puddzee Pye says:

    I think Dot was thinking about a med for nausea called ondansetron.

  7. messymimi says:

    Hooray for an appetite!

    Tripod SissyCat wants to know if heat stroke is really a danger for cats. She adores being out on the porch, and wants to be out there all day. The problem is us mean people will not let her stay when it’s the middle of a hot summer day. She doesn’t think it will be a problem to be outdoors in the little bit of shade in 95-100 degrees, but us mean people disagree.

    She is challenging us and wants to know if we know what heat stroke even looks like in a cat.

    • Mighty Kitty says:

      I know what best stroke does to people! It usually puts them in hospital and many times,the meds caring for those folks aren’t able to save them by keeping them alive. Personally,I would think that it would be far better to deal with a crabby or fussing kitty and keep the cat inside! It is not worth the risk!

  8. Dot says:

    Hi Puddzee Pye – it was over-the-counter…Momma just found the expired bottle. It was generic acid reducer otc meds. Fomotidine is the name on the bottle and they are 10 mg tabs. She does remember the name you gave though now that you mention it. We had to use that at the beginning of his nausea, then transitioned to the other daily.

  9. Ellen Pilch says:

    Max, I didn’t realize you are 19. Have you tried the thyroid ear medicine? There is also a liquid form that may agree with you better. XO

    • Hnossa says:

      Hnossa here. My human uses the ear goo on me. There was no way I would take pills willingly, and I was starting to hide from her.

      We were going to get the radioactive iodine treatment so I could get superpowers, but the human virus put that on hold. So I have to put up with the ear goo.

      The ear goo is quick, and I get a Churu squweezy treat afterwards, so I put up with it. The Churu squweezy treats are the BEST!

    • Hnossa says:

      Hnossa here. My human uses the ear goo on me. There was no way I would take pills willingly, and I was starting to hide from her.

      We were going to get the radioactive iodine treatment so I could get superpowers, but the human virus put that on hold. So I have to put up with the ear goo.

      The ear goo is quick, and I get a Churu squweezy treat afterwards, so I put up with it. The Churu squweezy treats are the BEST!

  10. Mary McNeil says:

    Max we are just glad to hear you are doing a bit better this week. Purrayers and Power of the Paw to you and your huMom.

  11. Fudgie says:

    Max,

    One of the cats who came before had bad kidneys for the last 2-3 yrs of her 20+ yrs of life. She lived off
    chicken baby food and vitamins. Also having the intruder cat from outside sit with her and say, are you going
    to eat that? Can I help you eat it? Never failed to boost her appetite. That and sub Q fluids.

    Fudgie, queen of all I see.

  12. Erin the Cat says:

    Dear Max.
    They say it is never too late, but given I had the snip some years back, I’m guessing it is. But I can’t help wondering what your thoughts are on parenthood and yourself. Would you have homeschooled, or sent away to boarding school? Would you have girls or boys? How many would you like? And most importantly, what would be your top choices for names 😉
    Oh, and would you like them to carry on your family tradition of writing? If so, what would your chosen subjects for them be?
    Purrs
    ERin

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