Ask Max Monday: Oops, I Did It Again…

July 4, 2017 |

Deer Max

How many chomps can youse give de woman fur de taco hat?  Iz dey allow to do dis type of thing to the rulers of de planet.

Wez want to know de rules and regulations in case we wake up wid a taco on our heads

Your fans

Oakley an Sugar

Actually, it’s the Man who should get the chomps for the taco hat. I have to admit, I was pretty lit by then—good nip, you know—and didn’t really care that he put a taco on my head. I love that freaking taco. It’s my favorite nip thing right now.

Still, if you wake up with a taco on your head, just roll over and let it fall off, then eat the meat from the inside. Sure, it’s insulting to be assaulted with a taco when you’re napping, but hey, free meat.

Max!  My Mon has to have her boobies squished like your Mom did.  My Mon has lots of boobies but she said it still hurts!   I an a girl kitty, so do I have to have my boobies squished?   I have lots of boobies, too, but a different lots than my Mom!

Angel

Luckily, kitties don’t have to get squished. But you should let your people check your boobies for lumps and bumps, and your stabby person should give ‘em a good poke, too. A lot of people don’t know that kitties can get breast cancer, too. In fact, we know a really super person, Jeanette Cereske, who founded Sugar Rub, which raises money for Feline Mammary Cancer research.

It’s a real thing, doods, so let your people fondle you every now and then.

We know our sisfur just ask you about having her boobies squished and we think she is silly!  If she wants to be squashed, we will be glad to do it!  Mom has to have her bones checked to see if they will last a long time.  What is that all about?  We thought bones were strong forever!

Kirby and Max ( I am a yellow Max)

Dood…it’s really not silly! Read my reply to her—cats get breast cancer, too.

Now bones…yeah, people bones are not as sturdy as one might think. I mean, look at the Woman. She’s broken more than she can count. So it’s either a lot of bones, or she needs to go back to school to learn to count into the double digits.

Some people are just born with weak bones, some people lose the things that make them strong over time, some people did it to themselves with a poor diet…but let’s not judge. I enjoy treats more frequently than I should, too. But bones can get fragile and some people have to get them checked every now and then.

You can help. Jump on your Mom frequently to check the quality of her overall structure. If all she does is go OOF, it’s cool, her structure is nice and sturdy. If you hear a cracking sound…run. ‘Cause she won’t be happy.

Dood. You’re late AGAIN.

Yeah, I know. Not happy about it, but it is what it is. Might be time to fire the Woman and get a new assistant.

Tags: ,

Category: 0 - Featured, Ask Max Monday, Last Week, zzz Previous 3 cat articles

About the Author ()

Max the Psycho Kitty is 14 pounds of sleek black and white glory. With an attitude ... and opinions ... on everything. He's a put-upon and under-appreciated domestic feline with an addiction to Kitty Crack and an appetite for Stinky Goodness. A pioneer in the Cat Blogosphere, he began his popular blog "The Psychokitty Speaks Out" in October of 2003. Max is the author of SIX blockbuster hit books, "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Diary of a Mad Housecat,", its sequel "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Something of Yours Will Meet a Toothy Death,", "The Rules: A Guide For People Owned By Cats," "Bite Me," "There Once Was a Cat from Nantucket" (a book of poetry), and his new smash hits, "The Emperor of San Francisco" and "Ozoo" [The Wick Chronicles].

Comments (3)

Trackback URL | Comments RSS Feed

  1. Tara Morse says:

    Hey Max – we just moved into this house and were stuck in a room. We heard another cat living outside of the room, but the tall lady person took him away last night and she didn’t bring him back home. Today, we’ve been allowed out into the rest of the house. Why didn’t he want to meet us? And oh my gosh, there is so much room to chase each other now. How do we make sure we create as much havoc as possible?

    Quinn and Flynn

  2. Pippin says:

    Dear Max
    Why do people laugh because I like grits? Grits have CHEESE!
    Your friend
    Pippin

  3. Badabing says:

    Nice stars and stripes hat, dood. Sinse Dr Who is from that England place, duz he selebrate the forth of July?

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox

Join other followers