Ask Max Monday: Oops

September 26, 2016 |

Ask Max Monday

MAX MAX!! Where is your column this week??? Inquiring minds want to know!!

brain-fartDood, I have no idea what happened last week. If you’d asked me, I would have sworn I’d uploaded a column last Sunday night. Someone (and it had to be the Woman, because it certainly couldn’t have been me) had a massive brain fart. If it happens again, just go to my Facebook page and yell at me.

Really sorry, guys…I honestly dunno what happened.

Max, the mom totally wants to write a book about Sammy (why I haf no idea, he’s BORING) – about maybe him being a farmer cat and driving tractors and stuff. PLEASE tell her that’s a STOOPID idea.

Hey now. A lot of people thought it was stupid for me to write about a cat who time travels but it totally worked. How will she know if she does try it? It might be awesome and then she’ll make a brazillion dollars, and she’ll be able to buy you pretty things.

Hay Max, the next time yer peeps abandun you, can you throw a big pawty and invite us all?

That would be awesome. They hardly ever leave at the same time but they’re going on a really long walk for boobies next month, so it would be perfect timing for a house-trashing party! Like, the party to set off the holidays!

 

Dear Max,
My human is reading your new book. If I send it to you will you pawtograph it? The only problem is she bought the Kindle version so I’ll have to send you her IPad to sign. I”ll send it next day air. Can you give me your address, and I’ll give you her passwords in case you want to do a little shopping for some treats. Oops got to go, she came in the room.

Love,
Bella

Sure. And I would totally be a nice guy and not use her iPad to shop on Amazon. Well, not a lot. Just for the essentials.

Hay Max, I got an oringe face, reely small paws, and I think my peeps shood bild a huge fense to keep the coonz and fart boms owt. It wood be a tremenduss fense, beeleeve me. Can I run for prezident?

Dood, I wish you could run for President. I think you would be a fantastic candidate and better than the current choices. However, the entire process is controlled by humans, and they have enacted speciist laws that prevent even the most qualified kitty from running or becoming the leader of the free world. You have to be 35 years old! For real! If that’s not speciist, then I don’t know what is.

Got a question for me? You can leave it in the comments here, or drop me a line at askmaxmonday@gmail.com


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Category: 0 - Featured, Ask Max Monday, Last Week, zzz Previous 3 cat articles

About the Author ()

Max the Psycho Kitty is 14 pounds of sleek black and white glory. With an attitude ... and opinions ... on everything. He's a put-upon and under-appreciated domestic feline with an addiction to Kitty Crack and an appetite for Stinky Goodness. A pioneer in the Cat Blogosphere, he began his popular blog "The Psychokitty Speaks Out" in October of 2003. Max is the author of SIX blockbuster hit books, "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Diary of a Mad Housecat,", its sequel "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Something of Yours Will Meet a Toothy Death,", "The Rules: A Guide For People Owned By Cats," "Bite Me," "There Once Was a Cat from Nantucket" (a book of poetry), and his new smash hits, "The Emperor of San Francisco" and "Ozoo" [The Wick Chronicles].

Comments (124)

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    Max, we totally agree that cats should be eligible to run for high office, and sooner rather than later!

  2. Reno says:

    Max, the peeps put a CHOKER arownd my nek, and it has 2 BELLS on it! They are praktikly making me def thare so lowd. And the stoopid choker is PINK wich is not a mancatly color. I am pretty shur I’m gonna git strangled by this thing. Do you have the fone number for PETA?

  3. Reno says:

    Oh, and Max, sumthing else. Win the peeps wuz playin that game ware you put the wood letter sqwares on the bord, the ladey peep got the letters TYSIDRA and she yeld owt TARDIS!!! an she got rid of all of the sqwares ixsept the Y. An the man peep sed that’s not a werd. An thay got in a argyoomint and she had to look it up in the offishul dikshunary and it ternz owt she wuz not alowd to yooze it as a werd on the bord. She sed the scrappel dikshunary peeple made an errer of ommishun. But the man peep sed roolz are roolz. Hooz rite?

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