Ask Max Monday: I.P. Freely (or…Think Outside the Box)

Ask Max Monday

Hi, Max!  Our beloved Bhu crossed the bridge in December and left us with broken hearts all around.  But last month we went to the humane society and found Daffodil, who was probably the least social kitty of the bunch.  Three years old, declawed, but cute as a button.  She is definitely weird, though (something which actually makes me like her more).   She has this thing about water.  She likes to make it move.  She moves the water bowls around and dips in her paw and licks the water from her paw and after doing that a few times will then finally put her head in and drink the water directly.  Sometimes she has to move to a different position and drinks the water from the corner of her rectangular water dish.  She also jumps into the shower and licks the shower curtains.  Oh, and she LOVES butterscotch pudding and will eat a whole fig newton if you let her.  So, my question is:  is she as weird as I think she is, or is this perfectly normal?

Pattyskypants

She’s weird. But that’s a fun kind of weird. She’s also normal, because weird is relative and normal is normal, and that totally makes sense in my head. I wouldn’t actually let her eat a whole Fig Newton because there are intestinal repercussions, but hey…tiny bites are fair.

And you know, the Cat Who Came Before Me used to make her water move, too. She always slapped the side of the bowl before drinking, just to make it ripple. The people think she would have really liked a water fountain but they weren’t an affordable thing back then. But that’s why I have one now: because Dusty liked moving water. I prefer drinking from my fountain, even though I will drink from a cup (Buddah has a mug on the kitchen counter, sometimes I sneak sips from it.)

Max, wut if da hooman giv Spider a furkut cuz she gots some tangels she wont let da hooman brutch out. Now it look like Spider gots poka dots cuz she missing chunks of her furs! She cant see it cuz its on her behind. Shood I tell her? Luv, Gracie

Well, if it were Buddah, I’d be telling, because then he would want to see. And when someone is trying to see their own behind, they walk in circles and do that head jerk thing, like it’ll help seeing what can’t be seen by oneself. And that would just be funny. Now, if you like Spider and don’t want her to feel self-conscious, don’t say anything, because she’ll feel all weird until it grows out. But me? Dood, I would tell Buddah so freaking fast, and then remind him every single day, just to watch that dance.

MAX! If a people changes my litter in my box and I don’t like it, whaddo I do?

Think outside the box, dood. Pee outside it, too. Not too far outside, just right there on the floor about 3 inches away. That way, they get the message: the litter is sub-par. If you pee somewhere else, they might not understand what you’re trying to tell them, and you’ll wind up at the stabby place.

If that idea bothers you too much, just get in the box and kick all of it out. It’s work, but will be worth it. Do that a few times, and they’ll never buy that litter again.

HAY MAX, IM WERRIEED ABOWT THE LADEY SHEEZ BIN MAKIN THEEZE LOWD NOIZES OWT OF HER MOWTH AND NOZE AND HER BRANES GIT BLONE OUT. DUZ THIS MEEN SHE MITE FERGIT TO FEED ME MY TREETS?

Dood, she totally might forget. When people are making those gross noises and blowing so hard out their noses that 62% of their brain cells also go flying, there’s a 96.23% chance that they’re ingesting substances known as “cold medication,” which is totally misnamed because I’ve rubbed against a bottle of it and it’s not cold at all. But when they’re hopped up on this stuff, they sleep a lot, and when they sleep a lot, they don’t get done the things they need to get done, like getting treats for the cat.

I suggest that you plop down on her head every time she tries to take a nap. She might not remember the treats but at least you’ll be sending a message. I’m pretty sure that message is THINGS ARE FALLING OUT OF YOUR BRAIN AND I’M HELPING HOLD THEM IN.

She should thank you.

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Category: Ask Max Monday

About the Author ()

Max the Psycho Kitty is 14 pounds of sleek black and white glory. With an attitude ... and opinions ... on everything. He's a put-upon and under-appreciated domestic feline with an addiction to Kitty Crack and an appetite for Stinky Goodness. A pioneer in the Cat Blogosphere, he began his popular blog "The Psychokitty Speaks Out" in October of 2003. Max is the author of SIX blockbuster hit books, "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Diary of a Mad Housecat,", its sequel "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Something of Yours Will Meet a Toothy Death,", "The Rules: A Guide For People Owned By Cats," "Bite Me," "There Once Was a Cat from Nantucket" (a book of poetry), and his new smash hit, "The Emperor of San Francisco [The Wick Chronicles]."

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  1. Valentine says:

    Hi Max! Say, the pawparrazzi have been crazy, crazy at my house – hiding around every corner! How do I keep them at bay at least while I’m bathing, napping & eating?!

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