Ask Max Monday: Quarantine Day #8,265

Ask Max Monday

Hi Max!
I don’t know what to do about the kitty that lives outside the window. I used to be a feral but now I am an inside girl. There is another kitty that is feral but she does not want to be inside. But Max, that is good because I do not like her! She comes In my yard by my window and insults me. I call her all the werds from the bad werd list and she just sticks her tongue out at me. I hear she also gets to eat my tuna. I am good at the drama and I tell her all the things I will do to her if I get my paws on her. She just rolls around on the ground. And then she makes fun of my ear tip – hers is the same! How can I make her afraid of me? I need some respect!
Love,
(Black) Friday

It seems like a lot of work to make a kitty who is living on the other side of the window afraid. She’s outside and you’re inside, and that sounds like a pretty decent setup to me. Why burn off time and effort and probably a few calories to upset her?

She has to act all tough because she’s stuck outside where all the outside things happen. And really, all she takes from you is a little tuna that you’d probably share if she were nicer, right? Maybe the way to go is to not return the drama, tell her she’s welcome to your yard and some food, anything that makes her feel safe. Oh, she’s still going to be 5 kinds of haywire but that’s a self defense mechanism, but YOU’LL know you’re doing the right thing.

Getting upset doesn’t help. I know, I used to, all the time. But the other day the neighbor’s dog came up to the door, and instead of hissing and growling, I just walked over. I was going to say hello (we have a security screen door so I was safe) but he took one look at me and ran away.

His loss. We could have been friends.

= = =

Dear Max
I am glad to hear you are getting good treats and warmsies by the fireplace. We don’t have a fire place, but my favorite place during the day is a velvet chair which has to be vacuumed often amongst lots of swears by my mum, even though she puts a blanket on it, because I’m just blest with furs in all seasons.

I’m kinda with Buddah on the people food; I’ve never cared for it. My mum says she has never had a cat that didn’t like people food and she is kinda of in awe – which is appropriate. I am totally pawesome.

I am a grey and white tuxie, 10 years young this June, and love it every morning when the patio door is open and I can go out and roll around, rush back in and five minutes later want to do it all over again. This drives the woman batty, but she says she is so grateful not to be alone like so many of her friends now that she won’t complain. Well much. When I start the dinner yowl at 3:00 she gets a bit irked. Food o’clock is 5 am (earlier if she leaves her bedroom door open) and 5 pm ( or a bit earlier if I can be really yowlie) I also have her trained to throw treat kibbles every night at 7:00 pm all over the apartment so I can chase them down. It is so much fun!

I need a new cat tree and I was noticing yours in the picture. Could you tell me where you got it?
Take care of yourself and your humans – we really like hearing from you each week:)
Miz Furbie

I’m kinda jealous. I don’t have a patio I can go out onto. I mean, we HAVE a patio, but it’s not screened in, so I have to stay inside.

The Woman says the cat tree came from PetsMart, and it’s one they usually have in stock. In fact, she’s bought, like, 4 of them over the years. There’s an identical one near the kitchen, but the other two Buddah barfed on and destroyed with his mighty claws. But they lasted for a very, very long time, so she thinks it was worth it.

= = =

You rate steak and the fireplace, wow! You really do have your peeps well trained.

Any training tips for younger cats?

Sure. Best tip ever: give them daily steak and shrimp treats, and they’ll do anything you want.

Well, unless they don’t want to do what you want.

But they’re more likely to if they know they’re getting real live fresh dead steak and shrimp.

= = =

That’s a nice looking piece of steak. Is that what is cut up in  strips or it has not been cut up yet? Are your people wearing masks when they go to Costco? Do you have a mask to wear? They can be a fashion statement and Im not trying to take this lightly because I know its very serious, but I have seen some pictures on FB of cats with masks on. You are older so you would be in the high risk group.

Of course they still are not sure about this for felines but its always good to be prepared. Also, were you tired in the first picture on Mondays blog? You looked a little raggedy. Just a bit, this question just comes out of concern. And lastly how do you like your steak? Rare, medium, well? I like mine with no pink all brown.

A fan in the Midwest

Oh, lotsa questions!

The steak in the picture last week (I like it medium rare) was taken before it was sliced up. The Woman has special meat scissors she uses to turn it into a bowlful of really thin pieces, which I then get twice a day. Usually like 3 bites each time. She kind of sucks at preparing it, though, because one piece ALWAYS has a seed left in it. Sheesh.

Yes, my people wear masks when they go outside. I don’t wear one, because I stay inside and they wash their hand really well when they get home. There’s no point in even trying to put one on me, because then something would have to meet a toothy death, and it would probably be one of their hands.

No one here is really worried about cross-species contamination since they hardly go anywhere and the man is a medical person and knows lots about sanitizing.

And yeah, I do look a little raggedy—the Woman even calls me her Raggedy Man now. I’m almost 19, and that can make a guy look a little on the messy side. No amount of brushing seems to make my furs look pretty these days…though I do allow her to brush me, something I didn’t used to do.

I don’t mind her calling me Raggedy Man, btw. It’s a Doctor Who thing, and I’m still all about the Doctor.

= = =

Got a question for me? You can leave it in the comments or email me at askmaxmonday -at- gmail dot com.

Category: Ask Max Monday, Featured

About the Author ()

Max the Psycho Kitty is 14 pounds of sleek black and white glory. With an attitude ... and opinions ... on everything. He's a put-upon and under-appreciated domestic feline with an addiction to Kitty Crack and an appetite for Stinky Goodness. A pioneer in the Cat Blogosphere, he began his popular blog "The Psychokitty Speaks Out" in October of 2003. Max is the author of SIX blockbuster hit books, "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Diary of a Mad Housecat,", its sequel "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Something of Yours Will Meet a Toothy Death,", "The Rules: A Guide For People Owned By Cats," "Bite Me," "There Once Was a Cat from Nantucket" (a book of poetry), and his new smash hit, "The Emperor of San Francisco [The Wick Chronicles]."

Comments (3)

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  1. Once again, Max…you’ve delivered great advice to other less-learned kitties!
    Sorry that you still managed to find a seed in your steak; Sweetie sympathizes, as I am still giving her liquids and powders after her dental surgery last week. Should be done by the end of this week, however.

  2. messymimi says:

    Great answers, you are most certainly worth steak.

    Any advice for how to get a cat used to drinking out of a fountain instead of the sink?

  3. Hey Max. We hope you are doing well. We loved stopping by to read all the great advice you gave. Thanks for sharing this wonderful post. Have a beautiful rest of your week.

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