Ask Max Monday: RIDE ON, DOOD!

Ask Max Monday

Dear Mr. Max,  My name is Max too!  My mom lady named me after you and so I have to make you proud!  Mr. Max, I am all of 3 months old and pretty tiny. I seem to drive ladies totally crazy and they just love to cuddle me. My question for you is this:  What really important stuff do I need to do so that I can be a real great man cat just like you? I run real fast when my people Dad tries to get me to settle down. I did try to pull over the big tree with all the fancy balls on it.  My big brother Jamie is getting a little nicer but how do I get him to really care about me and play with me?  Mommy said you have a brother but he bugs you and so how do I not bug Jamie?  I am a loving kitten and I now have my own big house and a great kitty bed and everything! Please help me be as great as you!  Always, Max ( the baby one).

If you want Jamie to like you, the most important thing you can do is leave him alone. Seriously. If you don’t chase him or jump on him or annoy him, he’ll start to think that you’re pretty okay. And THEN you can approach him—gently—to see if he’ll allow you to give him a head bonk. If he does, he might be open to playing.

Buddah was such an annoying little jerk when he was a kitten. He kept trying to ride me like I was a pony, biting me on the neck, pouncing on my tail, and generally being mean. I don’t think he meant to be mean, but he was. And now he chases me down the hall and tries to bite me just because he knows I’m old and can’t fight back.

But…the truth is that since you’re a kitten, you won’t be able to help yourself. You won’t have impulse control for a few months still, and in the meantime Jamie will probably try to teach you how to be a cat. This tends to upset the people, because it involves the grown cat slapping down the little one—even holding him down—but it really can be important in the long run. He won’t hurt you; he just wants you to learn.

Most of the reason I never got along with Buddah is because I got super sick after he moved in with us and I didn’t have the energy to teach him how to cat. Since Jamie is healthy enough, you’ll probably do fine and become great friends. And if not friends, you’ll find your separate peace, and that’s perfectly fine.

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Dear Max, a couple of weeks ago a bought a fish. I was missing Frank a lot and since we can’t have anymore cats I asked to get a fish. All the cats we had my mother and sister brought home all cats and named them. I picked out the fish and named him Little Frank after our cat Frank. I know he will never take the place of Frank or any of the other cats we’ve had but I was used to  having a pet around. I know you do not talk about a lot but what do you think about fish as pets? Steve L

Oh! Fish are great pets! Until a couple years ago we always had fish and I enjoyed laying nearby, watching them swim. I think we still would, except the water in the town we live in is full of stuff and it just wasn’t fair to the fish. They kept dying, and no matter what the Man did, he couldn’t get the water to the right pH and other stuff.

But we all liked having them when we lived in places with better water. I especially like cardinal tetras because they dart around a lot and are pretty. We also had a lot of platys, and while they weren’t as zippy they were bright and had lots of babies.

Ohhhh if you let this happen, be warned. Fish will eat their own babies.

I kinda wish our water was better so we could have them again. I’d like a HUGE tank with hundreds of fish. I could lounge nearby and watch them all day, except when Doctor Who is on. It’s just peaceful. I like that.

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Max! My mom caught the bicycle bug from your mom and she wants to take me for a ride. I like going outside and doing things so it should be okay, but she wants to know if you know about cat-friendly baskets. Are they safe?

Dood, better you than me. But sure, there are some decent pet baskets out there, both for the front of the bike and the back of the bike.

I found these with a quick search on Amazon. I know a lot of people use topless baskets and keep their cats and dogs in place with a harness, but the Woman thinks having a top on would just be safer. You’d still be able to see and feel the breeze but wouldn’t be able to easily jump out—or fall out if she wrecks. Really, it’s just a matter of picking the one that looks the best for her needs, like front or back of the bike.

Have fun, dood!

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MAX WHERE DO THEY PUT THE OLD YEAR WHEN THE NEW ONE GETS HERE???

In the recycling bin. Tomorrow is trash day so I think it’s going out with that.

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Got a question? Drop me a line at askmaxmonday@gmail.com or leave it in the comments here.

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Category: Ask Max Monday, Featured

About the Author ()

Max the Psycho Kitty is 14 pounds of sleek black and white glory. With an attitude ... and opinions ... on everything. He's a put-upon and under-appreciated domestic feline with an addiction to Kitty Crack and an appetite for Stinky Goodness. A pioneer in the Cat Blogosphere, he began his popular blog "The Psychokitty Speaks Out" in October of 2003. Max is the author of SIX blockbuster hit books, "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Diary of a Mad Housecat,", its sequel "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Something of Yours Will Meet a Toothy Death,", "The Rules: A Guide For People Owned By Cats," "Bite Me," "There Once Was a Cat from Nantucket" (a book of poetry), and his new smash hit, "The Emperor of San Francisco [The Wick Chronicles]."

Comments (4)

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  1. Erin The Cat says:

    Dear Max.
    That festive occasion on the 25th (not Christmas, as we do not celebrate that) has come and gone, and I am a year older. I really ought to have made a new year resolution this year but can’t think of any to make besides the usual: eat more, chase mice, chase more mice, and sleep lots. What would you suggest as something worth doing, and what would you suggest I could resolute for my staff?
    What are your resolutions this year???
    Purrs
    ERin

  2. messymimi says:

    Excellent answers, Mr. Max. Have your people tried using bottled water for fish tanks? You said they tried everything to keep the PH balanced, so i’m guessing the answer is yes.

    Thanks for clarifying where the old years go, i thought they went to the hozone layer where lost socks from the dryer end up.

  3. So true, Max…the older cat must teach the youngster to calm the heck down, and have some manners. I worry about cats or dogs being on bikes or motorcycles or sticking their heads out of car windows…stuff will stick in their eyes! Get them some goggles.

  4. caspar says:

    MAX!!!! sUMBUddy stealed owr sparkley tree with all the lites! And the peeple don’t even sEEM to care, even tho the roOM is now kINDa darK AND Sad. Shud I contakt AMerICA’S MOST wUNted to see if they’ll take the case?? The same thing happend last yeer and this has GOT To stoP!!!

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