Ask Max Monday: Salute Your Shorts! Or Sniff Them. Or…Whatever

Ask Max Monday

So this foster kitten girl showed up. But she hisses and growls all the time. Mom said it is ok for us to smack her a little to teach her “the way of the cat”. But normally all we hear is “stop that” when we try to smack foster kittens. Now what???

Well…yeah, normally people don’t want the cats smacking each other and getting all hissy and growly, but with kittens, it’s important. If a kitty left its mom before learning how to cat, they turn into Buddah Pest. No idea of boundaries or etiquette. He was taken from his mom before he learned the right things, and if I hadn’t gotten sick when I did, I would have taught him the right things, and sometimes to do that you have to lay a smackdown on a kitty.

By the time I was feeling better, Buddah was too big to teach. So teach that kitty now, while you can. Pin her down and sit on her and tell her what’s what. But if you have to nip, nip gently.

 

cat sniffing panties

Dear Max, I sniffed my papa’s underpants after he went on a long bike ride and left them on the floor. My eyes watered and my mouth drooled and I heard the sound of angels like in a slow motion echo machine and the whole world went swirly. I think I want to try it again. Is that bad?

Oh man, dood…your dad must be eating catnip and sweating it out. That’s the only explanation there is for his unmentionables to do that to you. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it, but draw the line at licking them. Because, well, people excrete some really nasty stuff, and you don’t want to be ingesting that.

Speaking of sniffing underpants, Max, I is ashamed to say that one of mine brofurs (and you know who are “Poosie”) likes to LAY in the mom’s underpants when she takes them off to take a bath. now granted, they’re not THAT stinky because she changes them at the gym after she werks out, but dood, that’s still kind of gross, don’t you think?

Holy carpoli, another human eating catnip? It has to be.

And yeah it’s gross and I wouldn’t do it, but heck, as long as he’s not nomming on her underthingies…

Oh man, I’m getting a little queasy just thinking of all the panty-sniffing and licking and chit that must be going on out there.

MAX OH MAN MAX HELP! THE STICKY PERSON IS CRAWLING! WHAT DO I DO?

Hide, dood. Run fast, and hide.

Max, we watched My Cat From Hell on TV last night and we loved it! Do you know Jackson Galaxy? Is he as awesome as I think he is?

Naw, man, I’ve never had the pleasure of meeting him. That would require me going outside, and I don’t like outside. Plus, I don’t know how to drive and I’m pretty sure he lives far enough away that I would need to be able to do that. But yeah, Jackson Galaxy is DA BOMB! I always sit on the Woman’s lap when she watches, so that I can make sure she pays attention to the things he tells people on his show. There are stuffs people need to learn, and if they just LISTEN to him, they’ll actually learn.

Sometimes people learn the not-quite-the-point things, though. Like, the Woman? She learned that she wants more tattoos. Go figure.

Max my man, I heard from my female minion that a dood friend of yours has been stricken with The Di-uh-beet-eez. Since I’m a fat little fart myself and my minions are worried about that happening to me, perhaps you can shed some light. What can your diabetic friend expect? Now, I know you’re not a doctor even though you’re a fan of THE Doctor, but you know people. Perhaps the experienced can chime in and offer some words of comfort, experience, and the like? ~ :kisses: ~ Vader

Cripes, dood, I’ve asked you before to not kiss me. Sheesh. You have dog breath and you always miss my cheek and kiss me on the nose. It’s gross.

And yeah…Friends, I have a mutual buddy who was just diagnosed with diabetes, but frankly, I don’t know much about feline diabetes. I only know a little bit about people diabetes, and that’s only from hearing my people talk about it. The Woman and Vader’s MOM (Manually Operated Minion) were discussing the topic in general, but apparently don’t know about Google and such things, so they didn’t have much to add beyond hoping that my bud is all right.

So if you have experience with it, please chime in. I really like my buddy (his name is Wendell but his person annoys him by calling him Bruce) and want his transition to be as easy as possible. And maybe there are kitties out there reading who are going through the same thing.

Category: Ask Max Monday, Featured, Last Week, zzz Previous 3 cat articles

About the Author ()

Max the Psycho Kitty is 14 pounds of sleek black and white glory. With an attitude ... and opinions ... on everything. He's a put-upon and under-appreciated domestic feline with an addiction to Kitty Crack and an appetite for Stinky Goodness. A pioneer in the Cat Blogosphere, he began his popular blog "The Psychokitty Speaks Out" in October of 2003. Max is the author of SIX blockbuster hit books, "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Diary of a Mad Housecat,", its sequel "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Something of Yours Will Meet a Toothy Death,", "The Rules: A Guide For People Owned By Cats," "Bite Me," "There Once Was a Cat from Nantucket" (a book of poetry), and his new smash hit, "The Emperor of San Francisco [The Wick Chronicles]."

Comments (10)

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  1. Finnegan says:

    Hi Max,

    The best place for beans to learn about diabetes in cats is http://www.felinediabetes.com. There are some very experienced humans there who will help with how to home-test the kitty’s bloods (it doesn’t hurt) and what to feed him – stinky goodness! Not dry crunchy food with all the carbs cos carbs is not good for diabetics. My brother who came before, Jasper, was diabetic and that’s where our mom bean learned how to take good care of him. And there is another site, it’s called http://www.sugarcats.com. Also lots of good info for the beans but espeshly a place for the cats to talk to each other!

    Best of luck to Wendell!
    Finny

  2. Eileen Briesch says:

    Hey Max, this is Juliette. My Mom had a cat named Kittle who had feline diabetes. She knows all about it. Kittle was an awesome dood, she says. He actually let him stick his ear tips to get blood so she could test his blood sugar, just like a person. And he purred when she did this … but he got back at her because he shook his head and got blood all over her sometimes. When he was first diagnosed, his blood sugar was 600 something … I guess that’s really bad (at least that’s what Mom says). She got it down to 100, which is awesome. Kittle got something called insulin twice a day because his body quit producing it. He actually liked it! He would jump on the table for his shot (of course, he got fed after this, too). Once, he got his shot and jumped off with the needle still in his body. Mom had to chase him around the home to get it out.

    Kittle’s blood sugar dropped down so low he “honeymooned” … that is, he no longer needed insulin. That was so good, Mom was happy, she says.

    But Kittle was an old dood and eventually, he got sicker and she had to let him go to the Bridge. He’s there now, with his brother Cinnamon. But he was a fighter. Feline diabetes treatment has come a long way since Kittle had the disease.

  3. Mighty Kitty says:

    I sure hope that Wendell or Bruce only gets the bestest treatment and lives a long happy and healthier feline life. When the disease is found early then the treatment can make a huge difference.

  4. Charmee says:

    Max! Dood!
    My brofur, Feline American Pumpkin, had diabetes an’ it wasn’t that bad. Mom tested his bloods by pricking his ears an’ gave him insulin shots. He had the same foods as me but not as many Temptations. I guess you could say that it was good practice for Mom ‘cuz she gots it now.

    Tell your furriend that it is not that hard to manage.
    Charmee

  5. Wendell "Don't Call Me Bruce" the Diabetic Cat says:

    Aww, thanks for the shout-out, Max. Mom is freaking out like we know Mom does and any help she can get not freaking out will be very helpful.

  6. Dio the Kitty says:

    Oh Max, my big step brother had the diabetes before I even got born. He took one kind of insulin first that didn’t help him so he got another kind that was helping him. Mom did internet research and found out that just like peoples, kitties with diabetes should eat more protein and less carbs. A lot of kitty food is loaded with carbs! Surprisingly there is a “prescription diet food” out there that is for diabetes and it is really high in carbs! Mom slowly changed big brother’s diet from dry food to canned food. It was hard because another kitty, grandpa kitty didn’t like canned food and had IBS so the least little change in his diet made him hurl. Because of grandpa kitty she had to keep dry food in the diet along with the canned but she bought special grain-free foods. Eventually big brother did not need insulin anymore. She too did the ear prick blood testing thing. You use a people’s meter from the drugstore. Do internet research! There are support groups out there who are very helpful. If you opt to change kitty’s diet you have to keep track of the blood sugars to see if they are changing as that changes the insulin you shoot.

  7. Spunky says:

    Hiya Max! I asked my Mom if she knows about diabeets and she said she doesn’t know it in kittehs, only peoples, but she doesn’t think it’s too diffrunt. She also said to ask you to pleese tell Wendell Bruce that we hopes he feels better reel soon and we will purr and pray for him.

    Oh and by the way, the Mom FINALLY bought yer new book!!! She is reeding it to us a bit every nite before bedtime and we love it! And we love you, too Max!

    Spunky – and Winky, Honey and Buddy (and the Mom)

  8. the meezers says:

    Max, the mom got your book for her kindle (‘acause you said that it was ok to do that ‘acuase you will get the green papers, right? If not we will order a printed version) and well, YOU MADE OUR THE MOM CRY at the end. DOOD. She wiped her SNOTTY nose and watery eyes all ofur mine furs. Why would you do that to us, we thought you liked us!!
    BTW – we thought it was pawsome. you know, except the snotting the mom did. Sheesh, our the mom is gross.

    To get to my question – why do I have to suffer when mine the mom decides to “eat healthy” and not have wheat anymore? Do you know what wheat makes? wheat makes FRENCH TOAST. Why must I suffer for her problems?

    • Oh yeah, man, I get some green papers every time someone buys the Kindle version of my books. I even get a little bit when people BORROW it from Amazon! Imagine that! So it’s totally cool for people and kitties to do that.

      And I really didn’t mean to make everyone cry, but that seems to be what’s happening. Dood…I made a couple of big manly men cry like little girls! That’s, like, POWER.

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