Ask Max Monday: The Sharing Edition

June 19, 2017 |

Ask Max Monday

Mr Max
I share my toys with my girl all the time, but when I play with her toys I get “No, no that’s mine” How do I teach her to share?
Thanks
Pippin

Take your mighty paw and give her a good smack down when she refuses to share. Repeat as needed. Oh, it seems mean, but it gets the message across. It says, “Look. I tried being nice and that didn’t work, so now I’m gonna show you who’s boss until you realize sharing is in your best interest.”

After you smack her down, you might want to sit on her for a bit, to drive the point home. After that, she’ll reluctantly share, but then it becomes habit, and someday she’ll forget there was a time when she didn’t want to share and she’ll just think how nice it is to play with you.

Granted, she’ll have a phobia about being sat on that she can’t explain, but that’s all right. You got her to share, and that’s all the matters.

Max…my human is in a relationship and sometimes his new girlfriend spends the night. I used to sleep on the bed every night but now I’m not sure. What’s the protocol here? Do I sleep in another room? Do I go ahead and take a corner of the bed? I don’t want to be rude. She seems nice enough.

Well, dood, it really depends on how…enthusiastic…they are. If there’s a chance you might get squished by a naked human who has suddenly launched through the air, at the very least sleep away from the danger zone. It could even be in the same room—like on a chair, if there is one—but not on the bed. If they’re relatively sedate, you’re probably safe taking a corner of the bed. I’m not sure you would want to, but it’s an option. Just watch out for sweat flying and sticky spots, and for the love of Bast resist the temptation to sniff people parts that look new to you. Trust me on this.

If it were me, I’d sleep in another room because naked people are just…ugh. What I might do, though, is sit just outside the room and sing for them. Loudly. People like nice music when they’re doing people things. They’ll really like it if you can hit the super high notes. At 3 a.m. And then again at 4. It will enhance the romance, and you might even get rewarded for your efforts.

Dear Max. It’s hot. Why can’t I have ice cream? My mom won’t let me have ice cream.

Dood, when it’s hot, people just don’t want to share their ice cream. It’s that simple. If they share, they have less for themselves, and then they get all cranky and that’s never fun.

It might also be because of all the sugar and dairy in it, which might give you the runs from hell, but being that it’s people, I’ll go with the sharing thing.

MAX I HAVE FISHY FLAKES DO I HAVE TO LET MY BROTHER HAVE SOME?

You don’t HAVE to, but dood…if HE had fishy flakes and you didn’t, wouldn’t you like it if HE shared? I mean, I don’t even LIKE Buddah, but if I have real live fresh dead steak bites, I let him have some, too. It’s what gentlemen do.

 

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Category: 0 - Featured, Ask Max Monday, Last Week, zzz Previous 3 cat articles

About the Author ()

Max the Psycho Kitty is 14 pounds of sleek black and white glory. With an attitude ... and opinions ... on everything. He's a put-upon and under-appreciated domestic feline with an addiction to Kitty Crack and an appetite for Stinky Goodness. A pioneer in the Cat Blogosphere, he began his popular blog "The Psychokitty Speaks Out" in October of 2003. Max is the author of SIX blockbuster hit books, "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Diary of a Mad Housecat,", its sequel "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Something of Yours Will Meet a Toothy Death,", "The Rules: A Guide For People Owned By Cats," "Bite Me," "There Once Was a Cat from Nantucket" (a book of poetry), and his new smash hits, "The Emperor of San Francisco" and "Ozoo" [The Wick Chronicles].

Comments (2)

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  1. Max, you are so wise! Sharing is caring…so I’ve heard.

  2. Tripper says:

    HAY DOOD! WUTS WITH THE HOTS? HERE’S MY QWESCHUN: THE LADEY TOOK ME IN THE BIG SILVER MASHEEN THAT HAD ****AIR KUNDISHUNNING***. THAT IS BLOWY COLD AIR THAT I JUST COODN’T GIT ENUF OF. I WUZ REELY GETTIN IN TO IT CUZ WE DO NOT HAVE AIR KUNDISHING INSIDE OWR HOWSE. BUT THE LADEY STOPPED THE BIG SILVER MASHEEN AND TOOK ME TO THE STABBY PLACE!!!!! THE STABBY PLACE HAD AIR KUNDISHUNNING TOO, BUT I HAD TO GIT STABBED AND POKED AND PRODDED TO GIT THEM TO LET ME STAY. SO HOW DO I GIT THE LADEY TO DRIVE ME AROWND IN THE BIG SILVER MASHEEN WITH THE AIR KUNDISHUNNING EVRY DAY WHEN THE HOTS ARE HEER ***WITHOWT*** TAKING ME TO THE STABBY PLACE?

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