Ask Max Monday

Do I look happy? DO I?

I assure you, I am not happy. I am not happy because the Woman smells like dog. Specifically, TWO dogs. Worse, she smells like dog and has not been home the last three nights, leaving me without a lap to nap upon. She’s come home to feed Buddah and me, but once I’ve had food, she’s had food, I’ve had a lap for like A MINUTE, she leaves and goes back to That Damned Dog Butters and his sister, lady.

Oh, and this. THIS!

That’s MY lap that Lady is sleeping on. I own those legs. That’s supposed to be MY spot, where I watch TV from, and where I curl up and snooze, occasionally headbutting the Woman’s face (doods, for real, I got her so hard last week it made her nose bleed.)

Yes, I know I have the Man, but his lap is not my lap. SHE has my lap. And she’s letting just anyone who feels like it sit on it.

Maybe she’ll be back next week, and can get into my email to see if there are any questions. She better be. So if you have a question, go ahead and ask. Surely SOMEONE will open my email for me.

Got a question for me?

You can leave it in the comments below,

or drop me an email at

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Category: Ask Max Monday, Featured

About the Author ()

Max the Psycho Kitty is 14 pounds of sleek black and white glory. With an attitude ... and opinions ... on everything. He's a put-upon and under-appreciated domestic feline with an addiction to Kitty Crack and an appetite for Stinky Goodness. A pioneer in the Cat Blogosphere, he began his popular blog "The Psychokitty Speaks Out" in October of 2003. Max is the author of SIX blockbuster hit books, "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Diary of a Mad Housecat,", its sequel "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Something of Yours Will Meet a Toothy Death,", "The Rules: A Guide For People Owned By Cats," "Bite Me," "There Once Was a Cat from Nantucket" (a book of poetry), and his new smash hit, "The Emperor of San Francisco [The Wick Chronicles]."

Comments (5)

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  1. Max, it’s a downright shame! There outta be a law against it!

  2. KesterGayle says:

    Oh, Max. You must feel so used. If I were you I’d switch to the man’s lap just to spite her.

  3. Leona Patterson says:

    You poor cat, that sort of behavior would not be accepted here.

  4. Angel and Gandalf says:

    Max, you really need to leave something in her shoe or on her pillow!

  5. messymimi says:

    There has to be a logical reason why she is doing this.

    And my question is, if you could ask people a question, what would it be?


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