Ask Max Monday: Speed Writing 101

October 3, 2016 |

Ask Max Monday

Max, the peeps put a CHOKER arownd my nek, and it has 2 BELLS on it! They are praktikly making me def thare so lowd. And the stoopid choker is PINK wich is not a mancatly color. I am pretty shur I’m gonna git strangled by this thing. Do you have the fone number for PETA?

Hm. I’m not sure what People Eating Tasty Animals can do for you, but dood…DOOD…pink is an AWESOME color! Only tough guys wear pink. I would totally wear a pink collar, if I had to wear a collar.

Here’s what you do: when the people are sleeping, sit on the end of the bed and shake your head back and forth, making those bells tinkle over and over and over and over and over. You’ll get a headache, sure, but the end result will be people who just want quiet, and the collar will come off.

If that doesn’t work…do what I did. I scratched under my collar so much, and made it spin around and around and around so often that it wore off all my furs there, so the Woman took it off to let the fur grow back. The problem with that (for them) was that it took TWO YEARS for all the fur to grow back and the totally forgot about making me wear it anymore.

It’s a long game, but you can totally win.

Oh, and Max, sumthing else. Win the peeps wuz playin that game ware you put the wood letter sqwares on the bord, the ladey peep got the letters TYSIDRA and she yeld owt TARDIS!!! an she got rid of all of the sqwares ixsept the Y. An the man peep sed that’s not a werd. An thay got in a argyoomint and she had to look it up in the offishul dikshunary and it ternz owt she wuz not alowd to yooze it as a werd on the bord. She sed the scrappel dikshunary peeple made an errer of ommishun. But the man peep sed roolz are roolz. Hooz rite?

Well, on principle, I think anyone who can use TARDIS in a game is the winner. No one else needs to play, because that’s just IT.

However. TARDIS is an acronym—Time And Relative Dimensions In Space—which means it’s not an actual word. So people who have their panties in a wad and can’t stand to lose a game aren’t going to allow it to be played, because they clearly don’t watch quality TV and have no appreciation for the most awesome thing to every exist.

These people should not be played with, ever again.

Mr. Max, you write books. My mom likes to write stories sometimes, and she just does it for fun. But she’s also thinking about doing NaNoWriMo this year and trying to write a really long one, 50,000 words. She wants to know a couple of things. Like, is that a novel? And how long does it take you to write 50,000 words, and how long does it take to write a full novel?

Sweet! NaNoWriMo is awesome! Thousands of writers are going to be doing it right along with her…the Woman has done it before, kind of a way to get the bones of a story down on paper, and she says it’s not difficult at all to get that many words in a month.

As for me…it really depends. I can knock out 15,000 words in a day if I have the story well thought out and a bunch of notes written down. Other times, 3,000-,4000 words is a good day, and I’ve done a full book anywhere from 2 months to 2 years.

Now, 50,000 words isn’t really novel-length. That’s more like a novella. But it’s a really good start, and NaNo isn’t meant for getting the final draft done, just a super good start on the first.

Tell her not to give up. Getting that PDF certificate at the end is spiffy!

Max…when is the election krap over?

Not soon enough, dood. Not soon enough.

Got a question for me? You can leave it in the comments here, or drop me a line at askmaxmonday@gmail.com

 


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Category: 0 - Featured, Ask Max Monday, Last Week, zzz Previous 3 cat articles

About the Author ()

Max the Psycho Kitty is 14 pounds of sleek black and white glory. With an attitude ... and opinions ... on everything. He's a put-upon and under-appreciated domestic feline with an addiction to Kitty Crack and an appetite for Stinky Goodness. A pioneer in the Cat Blogosphere, he began his popular blog "The Psychokitty Speaks Out" in October of 2003. Max is the author of SIX blockbuster hit books, "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Diary of a Mad Housecat,", its sequel "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Something of Yours Will Meet a Toothy Death,", "The Rules: A Guide For People Owned By Cats," "Bite Me," "There Once Was a Cat from Nantucket" (a book of poetry), and his new smash hits, "The Emperor of San Francisco" and "Ozoo" [The Wick Chronicles].

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