Ask Max Monday: We Be Stylin’…

Ask Max Monday

Here’s a question for you:
How can I tell Manny and Chili Bruce apart, now that CB lost his one white whisker. They are both black cats! Sure, CB’s tailio is a bit poofier, and Manny’s tummy white spot is bigger, but these things are not easily apparent. We could put collars on them, and give one of them a touch of color on an ear…but why should the kitties suffer because their humans aren’t perceptive enough? Suggestions, Max?

Oh, this could be fun. Get some super colorful claw caps (Soft Paws, Purty Paws…lots of brands) and give each other then a full set, but different colors. They won’t like it *at first* but once they see how stylish they are, you’ll be buying them for the rest of their lives, so they can be stylin’.

Go for the neon colors. Those are the most fun.

Oh, if they don’t have claws…well, fatten one of them up. Like, 3-4 pounds should do it. Then you’ll be able to tell, because that one will waddle.

Dear Max: Every night shortly after I go to bed, Sammi begins to sing the song of her people from downstairs. Then she runs upstairs and delivers a toy to the bed. I don’t charge admission for her to sleep with me, so I’m not sure why she’s doing this. Any ideas?

Everyone likes a good bedtime snack. Since she doesn’t have thumbs and can’t get you something from the fridge or sneak cookies out of the pantry, she’s doing the next best thing: bringing you a pretend snack. She’s telling you two things: she likes you, and she thinks you’re a pathetic hunter.

Now, the singing…what good is a snack without some entertainment? Really, you’re the one who should be paying the admission. She’s putting on a show every night, and what does she get? Heck, you don’t even eat her offering.

Tsk.

hi hi wonderful wize Max

Last year our purrents got a used RV an made uz take a little trip wid dem…well diz year dey is planning to run away wid uz fur a whole month..dat means no cat run or Catio az de Cat Daddy Jackson Galaxy calls dem. Wez want to know how to protest,..now wez getz de humanz servants need time off an wez kinda happy dey don’t want to leave uz behind an not fullfill dere duties but still..

doez youse have advice on traveling wid humanz..wez know wez will be in traveling crate as dey was told by wiser traveling humanz in case of accident itz better wez be safe but what do we do de rest of de time?

Last time wez went away me Sugar yelled de furst few nigthz in de loudest voice Iz had, keptz dem up most of de night hahahahaha

waiting your wise words

your Canadian fans

Oakley an Sugar

Well, it might help to just snooze all day, since you’ll be crated and won’t be able to see anything. And since you’ll sleep all day, night is when you’re going to need to get your exercise. Talking all night is good, too, and you should totally do that, but your muscles need to be stretched and put under stress in order to maintain your strength.

For this, I highly recommend lengthy games of Thundering Herd of Elephants (THoE) and because you’ll be in an RV, you’ll have to circle the inside of that sucker, like, 100 times. Turn it into an obstacle course, too. Use anything available: furniture, suitcases, chairs, beds, people, appliances. After a good run of that, take a break, let your people get some sleep. Roughly 22.78 minutes. Then practice jumping and hollering—that’s a hunting skill—by making huge leaps while yelling HUZZAH! over and over.

I don’t think protesting the trip will help; people need to get these kinds of things out of their systems so they’ll do it no matter what. But if you take care of yourself, it won’t be too bad. So get the exercise in, and keep your lungs and voice in prime working order.

Max…I know you love all things Who but I’ve never seen it and I think I’m missing out. There are 50 seasons, right? Do I need to start at the beginning? Or is it something you can just jump into?

Dooooooood. You’re in for such a treat. No, you don’t need to start at the beginning of Classic Who. Start with the first series (season) of New Who. That would be the 9th Doctor played by Christopher Ecclestone, and it’ll be listed Season 1 in the US. And give it a couple of episodes. I was hooked right off but it takes some people 2-3…and it’s totally worth it.

Get on it! The next season should start in September and we get a new Doctor, and this time it’s a woman and dood, I am totally going to marry her. She doesn’t know it yet but we have a connection and a future, I can feel it.

MAX ITS SUMMER WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO FOR FUN?

Same as always, dood.

Nap.

Got a question for me?
You can leave it in the comments below,
or drop me an email at askmaxmonday@gmail.com.

You can also find me on Facebook.

 

Category: Ask Max Monday, Featured

About the Author ()

Max the Psycho Kitty is 14 pounds of sleek black and white glory. With an attitude ... and opinions ... on everything. He's a put-upon and under-appreciated domestic feline with an addiction to Kitty Crack and an appetite for Stinky Goodness. A pioneer in the Cat Blogosphere, he began his popular blog "The Psychokitty Speaks Out" in October of 2003. Max is the author of SIX blockbuster hit books, "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Diary of a Mad Housecat,", its sequel "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Something of Yours Will Meet a Toothy Death,", "The Rules: A Guide For People Owned By Cats," "Bite Me," "There Once Was a Cat from Nantucket" (a book of poetry), and his new smash hit, "The Emperor of San Francisco [The Wick Chronicles]."

Comments (3)

Trackback URL | Comments RSS Feed

  1. Max, just so you know, our kitties HAVE claws, and will always have them! We’ve tried collars, but Manny keeps taking his off, so CB has a collar and Manny doesn’t. CB is a little bit rounder than Manny, but it’s really hard to tell when they are running around like a bunch of wild elephants.

  2. Angel and Gandalf says:

    Oakley and Sugar,
    You should realize that if your hoomins didn’t take you in the RV, they’d probably be leaving you for boarding at the stabby place. Believe us, the RV is better!

    Plus, you get to do the 2am Running of the Cats.

  3. Ringo says:

    Max, why are kittins so STOOOOOPID!!!!!!

Leave a Reply

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox

Join other followers