Ask Max Monday: Talking to Myself and Feeling Old…

Ask Max Monday


We have this gingerbread house that one of the foster kittens has been trying to help Daiquiri destroy. Turns out mom used something called “duck tape” to keep the sides together. What kind of ducks do they use to make tape from?

THANKS – Random Felines

Sticky ones.

Dear Max, what happens when you don’t get many questions? Love, Max

I talk to myself.

Dear Max, what if you don’t have a lot to say to yourself? Love, Max

I give short, clipped answers.

Dear Max, isn’t that rude? Love, Max

Have you met me?

Dear Max, I’ve met you and you’re grumpy. Why? Love, Max

I live with Buddah Pest.

Dear Max, does Buddah even like you? Love, Max

He adores me.

Dear Max, does he really? Love, Max

No, not really.

Dear Max, what do you want most of all right now? Love, Max

For the fireplace to be turned on, for the wind to stop blowing so loud, for Buddah to go play in the clothes dryer, and for the Woman to open a can for gooshy food.

Dear Max, why are you so upset tonight? Love, Max

Because I’m not getting any of the above things, and the Woman has a cold, which is making her grumpy, and dammit, that’s my job.

Dear Max, perhaps it’s time for a nap. Love, Max.

You’re very wise. I think I shall.

Got a question for me?
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About the Author ()

Max the Psycho Kitty is 14 pounds of sleek black and white glory. With an attitude ... and opinions ... on everything. He's a put-upon and under-appreciated domestic feline with an addiction to Kitty Crack and an appetite for Stinky Goodness. A pioneer in the Cat Blogosphere, he began his popular blog "The Psychokitty Speaks Out" in October of 2003. Max is the author of SIX blockbuster hit books, "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Diary of a Mad Housecat,", its sequel "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Something of Yours Will Meet a Toothy Death,", "The Rules: A Guide For People Owned By Cats," "Bite Me," "There Once Was a Cat from Nantucket" (a book of poetry), and his new smash hit, "The Emperor of San Francisco [The Wick Chronicles]."

Comments (3)

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  1. Alexis Morrison says:

    Max, my sisfur from another moddar and faddar is a beat! Before the new human adopted me I lived as a only cat and I was Queen. For the first cuppa months I was Queen of my new fan. Then horrors this young brat moved in, she’s not a kittah, and at first she later down flattish and I enjoyed swatting her and giving a good hisses!

    Now she is all cocky and dares to hit me when me back is turned and tries to sniff my butt, ehhh, gross! I refused to sniff her but I do allows her to sit within a foot of my royalness sometimes!

    My huuman servant keeps asking us to try harder and be nice and sniff each other! What do u think Max, should I try or keep telling her to leave?

  2. Max, what is a furry little bas**rd and why am I one when I just run around hollering

  3. Izzy says:

    Max, I will only drink out of the slowly running tub faucet. My mom gets mad because every time she turns it on a little it gets harder and harder to turn off. She’s had plumbers over to fix it about every other year. And it costs green papers when it leaks. Do you drink out of a water fountain or bowl?

    If I get a new fountain, do you have any recommendations? I know cats don’t like the water near their food. I tried a bubble-up type of bowl and it is quiet but doesn’t give me the waterfall effect I want. It says Pioneer Pet on it. She has it setting in the tub temporarily until I get used to it but I don’t like it as much as the faucet. Any ideas would be appreciated. My mom can’t keep spending money on things that won’t work for me.


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