Ask Max Monday: The Weight of Words

Ask Max Monday

hay max! What are yoo dressin up as fer halloween this yeer? How bout Buddah? And how many sleeps till krissmiss? How much longer do I hafta be good for Santa to bring me stuff?

This year I’m gonna be a world-renowned author for Halloween. And like a lot of writers, I’ll be hiding in the bedroom or even the closet while sticky people ring the doorbell, because a lot of writers are introverted and get overwhelmed by all the visitors. I think Buddah is planning on being Locked In The Other Room, because he’s a black kitty and things happen to black kitties on Halloween, or if he were to get out he’d be pretty hard to find in the dark.

There are 1,921 sleeps until Christmas, or maybe 2,187 if you’re super tired or like to string naps together. I think I’m stringing a lot of naps together, which if done right means there are only 1,311 sleeps, or 1,320 if I have to pee a few extra times.

And honestly…you don’t have to be THAT good. I used to think so, but Buddah’s a jerk and Santa still brings him stuff.

= = =

Max can you setlle an argument? I have a cat that pees on stuff. My brother knows that and he was told to keep his door closed but he didn’t. So Peanut got in his room and peed on his fvorite hoodie and ruined it. He is really mad and says I have to buy him a new one but I’m not the one who left the door open. If you were me would you buy him a new hoody? We tried washing it but it just stinks.

Dood…first of all, spring for a bottle of Kids N Pets. It’s the best (IMNSHO) enzymatic cleaner I’ve found. Then SOAK that shirt with it. Let it dry, and THEN wash it. I bet the stink is gone. I once peed in the car and flooded the front seat…a bottle of that stuff took care of the smell. It’s made to tackle urine and will also remove the residual odor that only the cat can smell, and will keep it from being a cat-pee magnet.

Otherwise…eh. It’s really not on you, because he DID leave his door open and knows Peanut’s a pee monster. But is it really worth the long-time hard feelings? If it were me, I would buy him a new hoodie, with the understanding that if he leaves the door open again and Peanut strikes, it’s his problem.

And dood, if you haven’t taken Peanut to the vet to get this addressed, you need to. Make sure there’s nothing physically wrong. Sometimes cats pee inappropriately because they’re trying to tell you something. Granted, sometimes they pee because, hey, new place to pee! But it’s something the vet needs to know.

= = =

Hypothetical question, Mister Max.

Ok. Say you’re a husky kitty but you drop some weight and look good. I notice and say, hey, I’m proud of you, you look good. You get mad.

 Why do you get mad about a compliment?

All right, dood, I’ll play.

Say you’re thin and gain a bunch of weight. I notice and say, hey, I’m not very proud of you, you look awful.

Does that make sense?

It’s one thing to compliment someone on weight loss if you know they would welcome it; otherwise leave it alone. Commenting on someone’s body shape is rarely a great idea.

But the thing that likely upset them?

“I’m proud of you.”

Telling someone you’re proud of them for losing weight is a lot like telling them you weren’t proud of them before. That might not be what you meant, but there’s a good chance that’s what they heard.

There’s weight to words, intentional or not.

If you want to compliment someone, just say “Hey, you look happy today.” If it’s because they lost weight and are happy, they’ll let you know. Then be happy for them, too, because that’s probably what you really meant anyway.

= = =

MAX AM I NORMAL? I DON’T LIKE TOONA.

No worries, you’re normal. Sometimes I like tuna, other times I don’t. Like tonight, the Woman tried to give me a brand with tuna that neither Buddah nor I even wanted to taste. Other times she’s given us Fancy Feast tuna and we scarf it down. Sometimes I hate salmon. Sometimes I’ll eat it

That’s the great thing about being a cat. You don’t have to like what’s expected, because that’s TOTALLY like being a cat!

= = =

Got a question? Drop me a line at askmaxmonday@gmail.com or leave it in the comments here.

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About the Author ()

Max the Psycho Kitty is 14 pounds of sleek black and white glory. With an attitude ... and opinions ... on everything. He's a put-upon and under-appreciated domestic feline with an addiction to Kitty Crack and an appetite for Stinky Goodness. A pioneer in the Cat Blogosphere, he began his popular blog "The Psychokitty Speaks Out" in October of 2003. Max is the author of SIX blockbuster hit books, "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Diary of a Mad Housecat,", its sequel "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Something of Yours Will Meet a Toothy Death,", "The Rules: A Guide For People Owned By Cats," "Bite Me," "There Once Was a Cat from Nantucket" (a book of poetry), and his new smash hit, "The Emperor of San Francisco [The Wick Chronicles]."

Comments (5)

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  1. *clap clap clap*
    Excellent responses this week, Max!

  2. Great questions and pawsome answers!

    The Florida Furkids

  3. Hey Max,

    So the mom set up a room for the foster kittens and it is great cause they have their own space (OK – except Daiquiri isn’t happy cause it is harder for her to get to the kitten food, but whatever).

    Then the other night mom comes home and brings BACK a foster kitten only he is older and bigger and full of beans and he is sneezy.

    He’s going back right???

  4. Angel and Gandalf says:

    Max, Max, help us!

    Is our human normal? She likes toona! Is she a cat? She can’t do any other cat stuff, except sleep lots, but that toona thing has us worried. What if she stops opening cans for us? What if she doesn’t give us any?

    Your friends,
    Angel and Gandalf

  5. Max, those a pretty good answers on the questions. I only pee on my catnip stuff, I’m completely healthy, but I have to make sure that it is all mine…the catnip I mean
    Tuna Pawkisses for a Happy Thursday

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