Ask Max Monday: ‘Tis The Season!

Max —- HALP!!!! I overherd the peeps I live with talking about NOT gitting a Crissmiss tress acuz they are tired of sweeping up broken ornamints. If I promiss them not to brake any if they git the tree, well, whut’s the point of even having one? I dunno why they hafta be so pissy about thare stoopid ornamints wich praktikly fall off the tree into my paws. When Buddah was small, he was Holy Terror Kitty and the people worried about the tree and broken ornaments. The Man solved the issue with him maybe knocking it over by putting a sturdy eye hook in the closest wall, and tethering the tree to it with heavy-duty fishing line. Like, the kind that people-sized fish can’t break. So even if he jumped at the tree or climbed it, it was staying put. I noticed a friend on FB mention that they use weights on their tree holder and cover it with a skirt so it still looks pretty. So those are options for enthusiastic kitties. For ornaments? Well, the people realized the tree could be tied down but we could still play with the stuff on the tree no matter how many times they said no. So they bought shiny ones that were actually made from plastic; those were still spiffy to look at, but if we knocked them out of the tree we couldn’t break them. They also found wood ones and fabric ones, and nothing on the tree could break if we pulled them off. That only left the lights…they kind worried that one of us would chew a wire, but then the Man said, “well, they’ll only do it once.” And so far, we haven’t done that. So tell your people to get a tree, and use cat-friendly things on it, because the cats like Christmas, too. Just swear you won’t eat the lights, and all will be fine. Oh Wise Max, this isn’t about cats, but you’re smart, so I figured you would know. I have a friend who celebrates Chanukah, which I know next to nothing about. I would like to get him a gift for the holidays, but I don’t know if that’s appropriate or not. Any insight? Ok. I’m not Jewish, BUT…sure, a gift is always appropriate during the holidays as long as it’s given because you like a person and want to make them happy. Try to give it to him during the Chanukah season (Hanukkah for some people) and don’t wrap it in Christmas wrapping paper. I mean, they would probably understand if Santa was on the paper, but the Woman tells me Chanukah paper is available and is worth the effort. Also…she says that some things that grown up people give each other might not work. Like…you know those spiffy spiral Christmas hams? Don’t do that. Or anything with pork and probably shrimp. Just in case your friend keeps Kosher (and doods, anyone out there know of any other inappropriate gifts for a Jewish fried, speak up. ‘Cause we’re on the non-religious spectrum and the only thing we know for sure is that Jello is a totally good thing to bring to an LDS friend’s party, and that their punch bowl will have Sprite and ice cream floating in it. Because the people used to be LDS.) This yeah Chanukah is December 12-20, so there’s a pretty wide frame there for gift-giving. You know, books are always a great gift, and ::cough cough:: I may have written a few that would be awesome to give. Just sayin’… HOW MANY SLEEPS TO SANTA MAX? ONLY 492!!!

He’s trying to be good for Santa…he really wants to knock those things over

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Category: Ask Max Monday, Featured

About the Author ()

Max the Psycho Kitty is 14 pounds of sleek black and white glory. With an attitude ... and opinions ... on everything. He's a put-upon and under-appreciated domestic feline with an addiction to Kitty Crack and an appetite for Stinky Goodness. A pioneer in the Cat Blogosphere, he began his popular blog "The Psychokitty Speaks Out" in October of 2003. Max is the author of SIX blockbuster hit books, "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Diary of a Mad Housecat,", its sequel "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Something of Yours Will Meet a Toothy Death,", "The Rules: A Guide For People Owned By Cats," "Bite Me," "There Once Was a Cat from Nantucket" (a book of poetry), and his new smash hit, "The Emperor of San Francisco [The Wick Chronicles]."

Comments (5)

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  1. Once again, we bow to your infinite wisdom, Oh Great Max! Give a book or a gift card for a book store…there ain’t NOBUDDY who couldn’t use that!

  2. I found your blog about Cat friendly Christmas tree really great advice wish I had thought off it years ago. Thank you.x

  3. DoberCatMom says:

    Tree ornaments – Tell your peeps to switch Christmas themed cat toys as ornaments! And they can also pick up a HYUGE thing of plastic Chrismas ornaments at Wally World that won’t break if they should just happen to meet your paw of doom on your way by. Just saying.
    Last Christmas tree my human did, she did this, and it looked AWESOME. We helped ourselves to ornaments all month – it was like Christmas every day! And when Christmas was over and they put the tree away, we got any left over Christmas toys on the tree! And the plastic ornaments were put away for next year. Best thing? They hit the sales for next year’s pet themed toys. You know, since this years were all used up and all.


  4. Deer Max Dood, I LOVE CATMAS!!!! I love the trees and ornamints, and stuff all ofur the table. I especially love it on the floor. Apparently mine mom is a GRINCH and HATES me and HATES catmas. She WILL NOT get a tree. Again. Because she complains that I break everything off the tree, rip up the pretty skirt, knock the tree over, try to live in the tree, and that I try and eat it and then throw up green stuff. I am a christmas cat – mine gotcha day is Dec 23. How can I make her put the tree up in cellybrashun of mine gotcha day? Can’t it be a gotcha day tree? I am heartbroken, and desperate, and maybe she will listen to you if you say that I should have a tree.

  5. Timmy says:

    Hi Max. Grrreat advice on the tree. Dad has a nice small one that he anchors down with chains and tapes and weighty things. We try to eat the smaller ornaments so getting us some goodies and putting them on is sooperz.
    We are non orthodontic Jewish kittys and your suggestions are spot on for those who are. We have a very cool cat Menorah so stop by and take a look. We will share the nip.
    Timmy and Crew


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