Ask Max Monday: Toothy Death For Toothy Death

Ask Max Monday

Dear Max, I’m not sure of your own personal circumstances, but I have a boyfriend who is many many miles away. Trouble is there is NO way I can get to him in USA, or he to me, in UK. We communicate via email and blogs which is excellent, and we exchange gifts too but wonder if there is another way? Can you ask your date, the new Dr Who, if there is some way she can help us get together for, well, you know, the usual thing… mice and cheese and niptini parties etc
Toodle pips and purrs

I have to meet her before I can start asking favors of her. And then I should wait a while. I mean, it would be kind of rude for me to ask her right when I meet her to start hopping around the world to cart my friends hither and yon. But totally, once I have the relationship nailed down and a ring on her finger, I’ll see if I can borrow her sweet, sweet ride to reunite some friends.

In the meantime, maybe you can sneak a credit card from the wallet of a person and buy a plane ticket to go see him. Keep it, too, because you’ll need it to pay for an Uber to get to the airport, and of course you’ll want snacks along the way. Doing that might be faster than waiting for me. I don’t want to annoy the Doctor before I marry her.

We don’t really have a question we just thought you should know that the stupid foster puppy chewed up mom’s copy of “Something of Yours Will Meet a Toothy Death”. Oh, maybe we do have a question. We are getting a new sisfur, we loved having sisfurs and truly, really miss Zippy and Sadie. Do you think the new sisfur will be as good as our old sisfurs? We know she won’t be the same, but, is having a new sisfur a good idea?

Hahahahahahaha HE ATE A TOOTHY DEATH! Toothy Death got the toothy death!

I think for you a sister is a great idea. She’ll take some time to get used to, but from what I understand, sisters are kinda cool to have. They’re usually nicer than boys and even though she’ll pick on you some, she probably won’t be mean about it. Just let her sit on you every now and then and she’ll probably be happy.

Dear Max,  Ok, you don’t like Buddha, but common, you are telling me that you would miss him after all these years? I do not beileve that. There wear times that Frank and Max didn’t’ like each other but as time went by, they became good friends. Since Frank was the older cat, sometimes Max would lick him when Frank couldn’t reach. They became good fiends. Now, frank is 18 and has trouble licking himself and we have to brush him and make sure he is ok. I maybe am going off topic but the point is I think you will miss him no matter what you say.

Sorry, but no, I would not miss him. He’s been a pain in my asterisk for 13 years now and I think if we were going to like each other even a little bit, it would have happened by now. I don’t like him, he’s mean to me, and I wouldn’t miss him.

Dear Max

Have you taken out a modelling contract?  I turned my calendar over to see this gorgeous handsome Tuxedo staring back and instantly thought it must be you.  Then I noticed there was no black splodges on the nose (unless of course they airbrushed them out?!)  So where will you be seen next – The Modern Cat, Your Cat or will you expand further afield into Vogue, Cosmopolitan or OK?

How exciting would that be!

Lots of cuddles from

Carolyn xx

Well, I can’t publish the picture you sent because of copyright issues, but it wasn’t me. I wish it was me. If I could land a solid modeling contract like that I would probably make a lot more money than I’m making now, and that would buy a heck of a lot of things for Toys for Tots at Christmas.

I don’t think it’s ever gonna happen for me, either. Modeling requires going outside to different places and I am just not a fan of outside. There are THINGS out there. Evil, biting things.

Well, there’s an evil, biting thing inside, too, but at least with him it’s a solid case of dealing with the devil I know. Ya know?

hi hi wise an wonderfur Max

wez thought wez tell you de RV trip went fury fur well..meowmie an pawpaw got uz a very large travel pod dat had our  blankets an a small storage container as a litter box..wez both cuddled up and pawpaw made sure wez didn’t travel more dan five hours at a time..wez 10 and 6 so wez wanted to tell other cats to get out dere an see de world.  wez didn’t go out but wez saw different place out de windows…

wez wonder iffin youse ever gone out on a trip other dan to de stabby place

your Canuck Fans

Oakley and Sugar

Oh, geeze, doods, have I been places… I’ve gone most of the way across the U.S. and back, once in a pickup truck with Hank the Dog drooling on me, and once in the back seat of a Mazda. I’ve also moved so many times that I can’t even count that high. I’ve been to places that had snow and places that had nothing but dirt, and I’ve been to places with mountains and greenery and trees…I’ve seen a lot, and honestly, I prefer my house. Anything I want to see, well, that’s why God and Al Gore invented the Internet.

Dear Dood, Did your Woman have a stamp made for your pawtographed copies of your books, or does she stick your handypaw in blech for each one? I’m thinking of writing a book and becoming famous, and I need to know these things, because I don’t want blech on my handypaws.
Also, my brother Rags has been really might-die sick, and even though I want to kill him I don’t want him to die, but how long do I have to let him hog da mama? I get sick too <fake cough> and need lots of attention!
BratCat the Bratabulous

There’s no getting past the blech. Even if you want a stamp, to get it made you wind up getting blech on your paw. You get treats after, so there’s that.

And you don’t have to let Rags hog the Mom. You can both plop down on top of her at the same time. One on her chest, one on her face. But whoever gets the chest is in charge of counting breaths. If they stop, you gotta get up for a few seconds. That’s only polite.

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Category: Ask Max Monday, Featured

About the Author ()

Max the Psycho Kitty is 14 pounds of sleek black and white glory. With an attitude ... and opinions ... on everything. He's a put-upon and under-appreciated domestic feline with an addiction to Kitty Crack and an appetite for Stinky Goodness. A pioneer in the Cat Blogosphere, he began his popular blog "The Psychokitty Speaks Out" in October of 2003. Max is the author of SIX blockbuster hit books, "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Diary of a Mad Housecat,", its sequel "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Something of Yours Will Meet a Toothy Death,", "The Rules: A Guide For People Owned By Cats," "Bite Me," "There Once Was a Cat from Nantucket" (a book of poetry), and his new smash hit, "The Emperor of San Francisco [The Wick Chronicles]."

Comments (3)

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  1. Oh wise and wonderful Max…a great post today! You’ve outdone yourself, fella!

  2. Reno says:

    Yo, Max! Good news! Our peeps just bilded us this ginormous catio and it raps around the old oak tree and we git to klime! And watch sqwerls n berds. Maybe yoo cood come over and hang with us. We wood treet you better than Boooda duz.

    My problem is this: Win we’re outside in the catio, my brudder hogs the litter box. Sits thare fer hours on end. Which is annoyin cuz I just love parkin my butt in thare and purrtendin I’m at the beech. Insted, I just hafta nap until he’s reddy to go in the howse.

    How do I git him to share our faverit sittin spot?

  3. Casper says:

    Hay Max! Now that they let a girl hyooman play Dr Who, iz it pawsible that in a couple of seazons they mite hire a CAT to play Dr Who? Cuz if you think it’s pawsible, I’m gonna start practissing driving a Tardis.


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