Ask Max Monday: Who, Me? Make Fun of Someone?

Ask Max Monday

Great answers, you are most certainly worth steak.

Any advice for how to get a cat used to drinking out of a fountain instead of the sink?

Hm. I’ve always preferred a fountain so it just kinda happened. If there’s room, maybe start with the fountain near the preferred sink, and when the cat tries to get you to turn the water on, do it but only for a few seconds, then redirect him to the fountain. Over a few days, decrease the sink water. Eventually he’ll drink out of the fountain. Then you can work on moving it…good luck!

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hi hi wise and wonderfur Max

Itz Oakley your Canuck Fan, with a question about my Sisfur Sugars potty mouth.  All winter long youse wood nefur know dat de sweet little furball of mine sister was such a potty mouth.  But come spring and summer..Oh Mine Paws…de words dat comes out de dat gurl.  

Our meowmie lovez birdies and has lots of  birdie feeders outside our catdio at de side of de house, but in de front she put a birdie bath because she knows dey like to have a drink, and den fur some reason take a bath in dere drinking water. 

Well Sugar will sit in de baywindow and den starts making funnee little chitt chitt chitttz sounds, wid a funny lookz on her face.  Diz it makes de pawpaw laugh. De furst time she did dat she was on de other side of de curtains and when pawpaw went to look it was a birdie taking a bath. 

She nefur does it to de birdies at de feeder outside de catdio?  Maybe she iz letting dem getz fatten upz?  Iz included a Catdio picture

Why does mine sisfur swear at de birdies??? Do she tink itz rude of dem to take a bath in de front of de house in front of de window/?? Dey leavez dere feathers on, sew itz not like dey iz nekked or anything…

de purrents have nefur efur had a kitty swear like diz in front of dem. What sud Iz do, itz almost embarssasing to see dis type of language come out of a cute little gurl kitties mouth?

Your Canadian Fan Oakley, brofur of Sugar

Dood, she’s totally making fun of the bathing birds. Like, hahahaha you’re all naked under your feathers and you have to take a bath IN PUBLIC. Either that or she thinks it’s bird stew and is just working up an appetite.

Sometimes I chitter at birds like that, but mostly I’m just mocking them for having to live outside with no one to open cans for them and having to eat worms and bugs and other gross things.

I’m not sure why she doesn’t chitter at the eating birds. They’re just as mock-worthy. I’ve seen them go after bird seed. They’re not at all tidy and they poop WHILE THEY’RE EATING and that’s totally worth laughing at them.

I think you should leave her alone when she does it, though. The birds might be the most exciting part of her life and making her feel bad about it would just be kinda mean.

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Max, my human mom likes to write stories but she only writes them for herself. She says she’s afraid to pick up the old things she’s written reasoning that they must be horrible. The human dad keeps telling her to go back and read them because it might make her a better writer. So now she wants to know: do you go back and read your early work?

Dood, I totally go back and read. With the Wick universe, sometimes I have to, so that I don’t miss the little details (though I’ve probably hosed up a thing or two here or there, but nothing major.) And you know what? I thought I would hate my early work, but once I sat down to really read it was more like, whoa, dood I WROTE THIS! The Woman is the same way. She once sat down with all her first books, expecting to cringe, but was pleasantly surprised. I mean, she says she would write that first book differently, but she still likes it.

Your dad is right. She should pick up her first works and read them. Either she’ll laugh—because sometimes the early stuff is so bad that it’s freaking hilarious and you see how far you’ve really come—or she’ll be all DOOD I SHOULD TOTALLY FIND A PUBLISHER!

Whatever she does, I hope she keeps writing. The best stories are the ones you write for yourself…sometimes you let other people read them, but really, you gotta write the stories you want to read.

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Dood your people ride bikes. My people even talked to your woman about bikes because they wanted to start riding as a way to get some exercise and sunshine. Well, they skipped right over the part where she said to NOT buy a bike from a big box store. And you know what happened? DO YOU? Well, the TallOne tried to stand on his pedals while going uphill and the pedal on one side cracked off, and the wheel with the teeth that eat the chair bent.

I don’t have a question. I just wanted you to make fun of him.

Love, Weezer

Me? Make fun of someone? Would I do that???

It’s like you don’t even know me.

Or maybe you do.

I don’t know what it is with people and bikes. Not only do mine get stupid excited about going outside to ride on them, I have to put up with one IN THE HOUSE that the Woman gets on while she watches You Tube videos OF OTHER PEOPLE RIDING BIKES.

At least yours had something exciting happen while on his bike.

Oh, wait. So did the Woman. She crashed back in February or maybe early March and had a bruise all down her shin AND SHE KEEPS RIDING.

Maybe I just need to make fun of everyone.

Sheesh.

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Got a question for me? You can leave it in the comments or email me at askmaxmonday -at- gmail dot com.

Category: Ask Max Monday, Featured

About the Author ()

Max the Psycho Kitty is 14 pounds of sleek black and white glory. With an attitude ... and opinions ... on everything. He's a put-upon and under-appreciated domestic feline with an addiction to Kitty Crack and an appetite for Stinky Goodness. A pioneer in the Cat Blogosphere, he began his popular blog "The Psychokitty Speaks Out" in October of 2003. Max is the author of SIX blockbuster hit books, "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Diary of a Mad Housecat,", its sequel "The Psychokitty Speaks Out: Something of Yours Will Meet a Toothy Death,", "The Rules: A Guide For People Owned By Cats," "Bite Me," "There Once Was a Cat from Nantucket" (a book of poetry), and his new smash hit, "The Emperor of San Francisco [The Wick Chronicles]."

Comments (3)

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  1. The Hubby loves to ride his bike, but I don’t have one of my own. If our lockdown continues much more, I may have to get one, but I want it professionally sized.
    Go ahead, Max, make fun of the humans…it’s part and parcel of being a cat!

  2. messymimi says:

    Thank you for the advice, i will try it!

    A friend of mine who knows says the best place to buy a bike is either a pawn shop or a thrift store. People spend all kinds of money on great bikes, then never ride and so pawn them or donate them, and you can get really good ones relatively cheaply.

  3. Kris Wilson says:

    It’s almost Taco Tuesday. What kind of tacos should I order? Taco Bell ones give me the shits.

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